I just really bloody miss him

[coeurcourageuse]

Just a bit sad and in need a bit of a vent - sorry for being self-indulgent.

My DP moved out to Ireland a month ago for a job, whilst I stayed here in England for a number of reasons. I saw him for the first time since he left this weekend and it was perfect. We knew what we were getting into when we agreed to give things a go, but I knowing that doesn't help when all you want is them

Next time I see him will be in a month for 4 days just us - trying to focus on that but it's hard. Any advice from those who have been/are in an LDR?

Hello,

My now DH lived in Germany and I in Edinburgh, we used to meet in London due to flight paths etc. We aimed for every second weekend because that worked for us.

It's not easy, but it does get easier..... Have you tried watching a film at the same time over FaceTime, ordering a take away whilst on the phone, looking up weekends away etc. I guess for us the important thing was not to dwell on it. Not to get hung up on the "why hasn't he called, what's he up to" situations, which is easier said than done I know. When you find yourself getting anxious looking at your phone try putting on a box set or going for a walk, distraction can be your best friend at times.

For us we got through it as we knew after a couple of years DH would relocate to London / Edinburgh so the light at the end of the tunnel kept us going. We kind of settled into a routine after six months or so, even managed to plan a wedding whilst I was pregnant so don't give up hope, it can be done

You don't specify if you will be together after some time, which I think is crucial. Honestly, it is one thing coping with the distance for a limited period, even if it is years, and it is completely different scenario to know that you can only see the person you love every once in a while. It is a struggle I would personally never go through, unless said period of time is established.

Me and DH were in LDR for two years while dating, he was working in another country I was in the U.K. We met once a month for a weekend and it was fine, after a while you get used to it. But we knew it was temporary, there was an end in sight, that helped us through. I think it's important to know it's not a permanent thing, I'm not sure how it would work otherwise to be honest...

I second shatteredmum's advice to try and watch films/TV programmes together while face timing or on Skype. It sounds silly and trivial because it's such an ordinary thing to do, but it's precisely because it's so mundane that it helps you feel a sense of normality. Obviously the amount of contact couples have in LDRs will vary, but try and talk as much as you can and keep each other plugged into your days in very ordinary ways rather than making a big deal out of any contact. Communicating is SO important in LDRs, so work at that if it's less than ideal.

Also, and I'm not sure everyone will agree but I've found this helpful, try not to frame it as a Long Distance Relationship - it makes it sound like a HUGE deal when it really doesn't have to be, no matter how much you miss them. Instead, think of how good and strong your relationship is - focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

(Also, avoid telling random people that you're in an LDR - despite how common they are, people will ALWAYS act shocked and incredulous and say things like "but that's so far!!!" I always find this a bit upsetting so try not to mention it, or if I do mention it do so very nonchalantly)

Being long distance is hard but skype really does help and it makes you both really appreciate each other when you know what it is like to be parted for weeks or months at a time. However ny ldr time was limited to a year so at least be knew an end was in sight that was important too. I think an endless LDR would be very hard and eventally someone has to make a choice about where to be.