Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think I have completely misread the situation and feel quite depressed and tearful

22 replies

chasegirl · 09/10/2016 17:23

I attend a class once a week for a hobby. There's a man that goes to who I found attractive but never thought or did anything about it. We chatted a bit in the lessons as you do and he seemed like a nice person too.
Last Saturday he messaged me to see if I wanted to go out for a quiet chat and a drink for a couple of hours cos he wanted to get to know me better. I thought we had a good time even though I was very nervous and we stayed out for 4 1/2 hours just chatting.

This week he sent me another message just about the hobby and when I replied in asked if he wanted to go for a coffee this weekend he said he would and we ended up going out for Sunday lunch and chatting again for a while.
Sounds ok doesn't it? But I think I read the whole thing completely wrong and that he just wants to get to know me as a friend and these haven't been dates at all. Never know a man do that before.
I might have started to fall for him tho and feel awful now. Am sure he knows this even though I haven't actually said anything.
Just feels so unfair somehow and just wanted to get this off my chest and might go for a bit of a cry later

OP posts:
cheesecadet · 09/10/2016 18:23

What makes you think he doesn't like you?

Bogeyface · 09/10/2016 18:26

You have had 2 meetings with him and a chat at your hobby class and now you are falling in love? You are crying because you have got worked up into thinking that he doesnt feel the same?

You sound a bit hard work to be honest! How on earth can you know he doesnt like as more than a friend? You havent given him a chance to find out! 2 coffee dates is not long enough to know how much you like someone and certainly not enough to fall in love. I think you need to calm down and let things happen naturally instead of coming over all melodramatic because he hasnt proposed yet.

Jizzomelette · 09/10/2016 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kittencatkins123 · 09/10/2016 18:28

Maybe he's having exactly the same thoughts about you - i.e. He likes you but doesn't know if you feel the same?
Worst case you have made a nice friend but it honestly sounds like more to me? Do you know if he is single?

Somerville · 09/10/2016 18:31

As he said he wanted to get to know you better then I would take that at face value (since his actions and words match) and assume he wants to get to know you as a friend to see if there is something romantic there.
So perhaps all hope is not lost. Smile

I thjbk it entirely possible to start falling for someone after a short time so don't berate yourself but try as hard as you can to moderate how much you think about him and try to enjoy it for what it is at the moment rsther than for what it potentiall could be down the line.

AidingAndAbetting · 09/10/2016 18:34

What makes you think he doesn't want to pursue a relationship? Has he said so?

A single man asking a single woman to go out with him sounds like a date to me.

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 18:35

Yes he is single. Maybe it's not falling in love but very crush like feelings or maybe I am just overly vulnerable at the moment am not sure.
We have chatted a bit during several of the lessons before we went out. I am not even sure he saw them as dates but also can't imaging a full grown man would ask a woman out for a drink and it not be a date.

OP posts:
TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 09/10/2016 18:36

goodness me...rein it in a little

you and he have a mutual hobby
you both get on well
he asked you on an evening out, it went well
you asked him out for lunch, it went well

where on earth are you finding all the angst...I see no reason in your OP for any?

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 18:40

Thank you Somerville. I do need to calm myself down a bit. I felt a very overwhelming need to cry when I left to go home after seeing him today. Hate that kind of feeling

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 18:43

Tond very good points. I have no idea why I think like this.
Fear is the only reason I can think of

OP posts:
areyoubeingserviced · 09/10/2016 18:44

Calm down. You do not want to frighten him away. Just relax and enjoy his company

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 18:56

Yep I need to calm down - feel a bit better getting it off my chest and having some sense talked to me.
I must stop overthinking

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 09/10/2016 19:18

OP you said ...can't image a full grown man would ask a woman out for a drink and it not be a date. It seems a perfectly normal thing to me but you have seemingly never had a male friend.

I don't think he's done anything wrong and neither have you. I would try to pull back a bit on your feelings if you can, try to relax and see where it leads. You could end up as friends or maybe romance will develop over time.

Whichever, I hope it makes you happy.

Somerville · 09/10/2016 19:36

When I've been unsure about a male aquaintence or colleague asking to see me I always consider whether the way they've phrased the invitation is a way they would phrase it to another man.

If no, then I clarify it with them. 'Is this a working lunch regarding the new project?' or 'who else is coming for a drink?' Or whatever.

Clearly it's easier to clarify in my situation - in a relationship and therefore not interested - than if you're single and potentially interested. But I think that looking back through his texts and considering whether he'd send messages phrased like that to another chap in the class might put your mind at rest.
Obviously, it won't reassure you that he's not a player and that he is a good 'un, but only time can really make that evident anyway. But I think it'll make it clear whether he totally intends it only as friendship or potentially not.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 19:41

It sounds promising to me but you need to try to relax and see how it develops

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 19:43

I have had male friends before but they kind of grew within a larger group of friends. Never been asked out like this before tho

OP posts:
IreallyKNOWiamright · 09/10/2016 19:46

It sounds like you want to rush things please don't it will scare him off and then you will regret diving into a relationship. If it's meant to be it will happen in time.

Stevefromstevenage · 09/10/2016 19:47

I think he is asking you out. However notwithstanding that you do need to reign it in. For the moment you are better off considering him as a potential friend as you would consider any woman in this circumstance and see where it goes.

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 19:47

Somerville that's a good way of seeing it. Maybe I should have clarified his first message and asked if it was a date.

Am feeling a lot calmer now. Will be chilled and happy by this week's lesson

OP posts:
abeandhalo · 09/10/2016 19:53

One-on-one drink / coffee to get to know each other is definitely a date.

Try to enjoy yourself OP, I know it's hard not to overthink things but if you just try to have fun & act confident, you will show him the best version of yourself!

Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 19:56

Ireally and Steve yes I agree potential friend for now and see what happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 09/10/2016 19:58

I do overthinking things a lot I general. It's been great to have all your thoughts and perspectives it's all been really helpful

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page