I think it's time to call it quits

[lippyliz]

I've tried so so hard, put up with some proper shit over the last nearly 8 months. I thought it was over (again) a month ago and I gave in and let him back. He's tried but he's not trying enough. He's had an affair and should be jumping through hoops. He's saying the right things but he's not doing the right things. It's all come to a head when he decided to split our finances and no longer support me and the children. He thinks it'd be a good idea for me to get a part time job on top of my full time job to supplement my wage. He earns 4x more than me.

he decided to split our finances and no longer support me and the children
Get legal and financial advice as soon as you can, and stop beating your head against a brick wall.

Never judge someone by what they say, but by what they do. Fwiw, he sounds a right tool. He lies, he cheats and he'll see you dead on your feet before seeing you right. Probably best to go.
Sorry things are so tough for you. xx

I know. I'd rather go for separation as I can't believe it's over. He's told DD (13) that I've asked him to leave but that he's not cos it's his house as well. He's told her he's giving me space as he thinks that's what I want. I don't. What I want is to be made to feel like the most important person in the world. If I felt like that I wouldn't feel the need to be away from him. I'm just fighting the inevitable really. I still love him though and I just feel like shit

Why would you love someone who treats you like dirt? I honestly don't get it. Your self esteem must be on the floor and you do sound, from your post, totally unhappy yet hanging on to something that isn't really there.
Time to get angry, assertive and active don't you think?
Find your inner warrior and tell him to bugger off. He sounds like a prize twat in desperate need of having his ego suitably punctured...and he wants you to get a part time job to add onto your full time job so he can stop paying for anything?
Have you thought of laughing at him as you dump his stuff on the road?

He has no respect for you whatsoever. Why on earth are you still with him??

You need to get the correct alimony and child support and the only way he'll do it is via a court .i.e. divorce.

He's angry because you won't take him back while he's been in contact with the OW and is biding time with you.

He's not remorseful at all. His best friend can see that and your daughters will think it's what how women should be treated if he just slides back in.

He was very manipulative with your DD I remember as well.

If he loved you as you love him .... he wouldn't do this.

You know it's time, he's treated you like crap and nothing has changed, you must know you can meet someone a million times better, he's not the only man in the village!

Give yourself a break, you've suffered for months now, and do you know what, if you two are meant to spend the rest of your lives together then you will but at the moment that is looking highly unlikely, do not be scared of the unknown, surely it can't be any worse than the last 8 months.

One last point - some women who discover their men's infidelity allow him to say, they don't want the status quo to change or have to deal with the aftermath of his actions but really it's just burying your head in the sand, far better to show him that you are no doormat and will not tolerate being treated so badly - I wish more women would do this and get rid when they discover the deceit - you usually find on here that they have convinced themselves that he's being honest and it really wasn't as bad as imagined, a few months down the line, nothing has changed, he carries on as if he's done nothing wrong and the poor women is still left with unanswered questions and doubts.

Best way to find out if a man truly loves you is to break free and see what he does to win you back and I mean win, not just slip his feet back under the table!

Liz,

I agree with Adora. He's been awful to you. Would you want your DD to be treated like this?

So now because you refuse to be a doormat and accept he loves OW or is infatuated with her, he stops supporting you and the girls.

For a man who is meant to be sorry, he has a strange way of showing it. He wants you to accept it and put it in the past. Do you think he'd do that if you cheated and then maintained contact with the OM?

He got a secret phone before and he's able to do it again.

You deserve better than this.

Come on Liz - wake up and smell the coffee. I have reread your previous threads and I just don't think this is going to work. It sounds like you have put so much effort in, while he has just paid lip service to the idea of making it work, while all the time keeping a look out for his own happiness.

Seize control and make your own decisions here; don't let yourself be pushed to and fro by him.