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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Narcissist cycles

8 replies

soaringdoves · 26/09/2016 18:16

How many times did it take to finally get rid of the toxic narcissist? Im so tired of being hurt again and again and again.
Fell for some unbelievable stories to reel me back in and every time i could have kicked myself. The victim was his favourite act to play.
Does anyone have any advice? I just cant get this leech out of my life. And im afraid of the backlash when i do.

OP posts:
newstrongself · 26/09/2016 18:28

I couldn't read and run as going through the same thing. The ONLY way is total no contact.

Block him on everything. If he makes new accounts on fb/email and still tries to contact you block those without reading anything.

Also definitely read the various threads on here to do with NPD, as you are not alone!! Even reading them alone helped me feel stronger and like I wasn't the 'crazy one' like he had me believe :)

Good luck, stay strong. x

user1474842169 · 26/09/2016 18:31

Hi - sorry you are going through this. My ex-h just became a noose around my neck and I really wished in the end he carried out some of the 100's of suicide threats.
For me it has taken 9 moths to move into a place of my own but he is still turning up when it pleases him.
He would literally run down the road with rope, sit for up to 2 hrs a night with a knife - running it up and down his leg. It would then be poor me I have no-one whilst you have friends rallying around you.
He would threaten me one minute & then snap back into Mr Nice Guy as if nothing had happened.
Even my son would say " Dad seems to be going into one of those cycles again"
Eventually I had to resort to a restraining order & said if he ever threatened suicide again I would call for him to be sectioned (he never did)

Original poster
soaringdoves · 26/09/2016 18:45

Thanks for the replies! I am reading everything and have done for months.
At first i was so strong (first ever real discard i mean) but the more times i have stupidly believed his lies the more damage i feel has been done.
He is so so convincing with the poor me act and i have fallen for it so many times but i am finally starting to realize what kind of monster he can be and how he has used me and lied to me .
I cant wait to be free i pray every night that i will be free from the mental torture the covert emotional manipulation. Nobody knows, other than obviously his other 'crazy' exs.
I envy that im not free like them

OP posts:
Original poster
soaringdoves · 26/09/2016 18:47

I have begged him to let me get on with my life for so long, then he pops up again.
Im waiting for my next prime opportunity and i am out for good.
Pray for me

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LellyMcKelly · 26/09/2016 21:00

Get away from him. Block him on everything. Go 'grey' if you need to be in contact - keep your responses to him bland and neutral regardless of the provocation. Become uninteresting to him. I was with a narc for 2 years. You cannot change him. Do not be available to him. I look back on those two years with a sense of disbelief and horror of what I'd become - scared of saying something that would invoke the silent treatment, worried about when the next scathing attack on my looks/weight/education/sexual abilities would come from. He was just awful.

jeaux90 · 26/09/2016 21:07

Stop begging him. Block him and NC. Believe me, speaking from experience with a narc it's the only way. They are shallow shells of a human being and you are 'supplying him' stop, now.

Original poster
soaringdoves · 26/09/2016 22:22

Thanks for the responses.
I totally relate to everything you have said lellymckelly. I am currently doing grey with him at the min.
I dont respond with much for him to feed off i try not to feed is ego and i have never begged! Its never been in my nature to beg anyone. Ive always thaught along the lines of if you dont want me in your life then get on with it and i think he hates that about me that i dont plead and cry or beg i just walked away every time saying nothing.
But they dont just leave you alone like normal people do when you break up.
I once tried to communicate with him how i was feeling and i was utterly shocked at the reaction i got for trying to overcome what i thaught were a few barriers or should i say him completely overstepping my boundaries. From that moment when i knew it was impossible to even effectively communicate i knew the relationship was dead.
But like i say, they dont just go away do they Sad

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Original poster
soaringdoves · 26/09/2016 22:29

Sorry i have contradicted myself on reading back.
Ive never begged in a manner of please please let me get on with my life crying or anything. Its usually been along the lines of this isnt working you need to leave me alone etc.
Ive never been on my knees to him that's for sure

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