Sex

[amibeingsexist]

H came back from holiday last night. Pleasant evening held hands in super market. Was feeling a bit under the weather so told him. About 11 o'clock he says he's very tired and he was going to bed. Ok I said and stayed up for 15 mins by which time he was foghorn snoring. S o he went in another room.
In the morning I say nicely why don't you make a cup of tea? Meaning come to bed.
No he said and started ranting that the room wasn't clean(?)
I said you are paying me back for last night? He then ranted how off hand Id been going on and on and on. Not.
So I said this is payback why are you doing it? By now have raging temperature so he follows me round saying I'm always ill. Feck I work FT and never have time off.
So I went to bed with lemsip and he's gone raging out of the house having some last word shouting at me.
Me thinks he is creating stuff to get out of the house. This is manufactured isn't it?
He would do anything and I mean anything rather than agree with me.

Also apparently he said he was sexy with me. Your tits look big shit. hardly Poldark.

Bit confused- are there some typos?

You seem to be saying H (DH?) came back from hols- so had he gone on his own?

Then you said he was foghorn snoring so he went into the spare room- so he woke up and agreed to sleep elsewhere?

Then the next day he is giving you the cold shoulder because he didn't either understand cup of tea= I want sex now, but didn't last night?

And you asked if he was paying you back for last night?

And now he's raging around the house?

I'm sorry but it sounds as if neither of you can communicate with each other about how you're feeling or what you want.

Has it always been this way?

I don't quite follow.

I'm confused about what you are feeling? Do you feel rejected because he Wasnt in the mood this morning. ?

Do you normally have sex every night ?

Just trying to understand what's gone on

I've tried reading that twice and I don't understand it. What are you meant to have done wrong? And how does 'make a cup of tea' translate as 'go to bed'?

If he really is such an arse that he creates over not getting sex on his terms, ie when he snaps his fingers , ignores the fact you are ill, doesn't offer any support or make you your Lemsip and a cuppa soup, then storms out like a teenager, is he really worth holding onto? (Are you married and for how long?)

OP Looking at another thread you have started on your DH it seems as if he is a bully who likes you under this thumb. I don't want to say this prematurely but the theme here is you are being emotionally abused. His other behaviour points precisely to this.

Sorry for being confusing. Dh went on holiday alone. He thought I had rejected him but I hadn't. So in the morning when I was nice he turned nasty but I wasn't aware that I had done wrong and was ill.
So he was paying me back for an imagined sexual slight.
He refuses to acknowledge this and has been raging at me and then went off to his mums or so he said.

Why did he go on holiday alone?
is there an OW?

I couldn't go because of work. He just wouldn't stop arguing so maybe he's manufactured it so he can walk out.
He was being really horrible and aggressive.
Maybe just got back so wanted to see someone. Seems like it to me.

Does he behave like this a lot?

Do you have a problem speaking up for yourself or communicating with him?

I don't know if it's not the done thing to mention your other thread about the money and work issues but the bigger picture is that this man is a bully. Why are you putting up with this? Are you scared of being on your own? Do you feel you deserve a man like this? He sounds ghastly. I'd leave a man immediately if he behaved like this. Are you minimising his behaviour because you are in denial of how bad he is?

Was being nasty about me being ill and said I moaned all the time. Which I bloody don't.

Yes he behaves like this a lot. Can never be wrong and is emotionally just not there.. I do say what I think but he twists and turns it and blames me. Then walks out.

what do you mean above when you say 'he wouldn't stop arguing'? About what? Him demanding sex when you were tired and ill? I thought he was happy to go and sleep in the spare room when he was snoring. when did he demand sex last night? It's not clear from your posts.

Is there more that you are not telling us?

Yes I am scared of being on my own.

and in your other thread about him you said he was tight with money and made you pay him back. And he won't allow you to work part time.

why are you with him? why do you allow him to control you?

Do you have a problem with boundaries and what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in relationships? He's treating you like a doormat.

He's abusing you. Emotionally.Read about it on Women's Aid.

You can get out of this. You don't have to live with this odious man.

I said he shouldn't be nasty to me because I haven't had sex with him. It's payback. He really believed I had so etching wrong. When I said I'm not putting up with this he became aggressive even hrough I was ill.
Hmmmm I sound confused.
I just wanted reassurance that paying me back is wrong.
But he kept on and on until I became upset then I went to bed.

He's been out all afternoon. I have text but he hasn't replied. Obviously I'm not allowed to point out his abusive behaviour. Walked out three hours ago.

Do you have low self esteem?

You seem to have zero self worth.

What happened in your early life to make you think that what you have is a good marriage? Do you honestly think this is what you have?

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but it's clear from this and your other posts that this man is abusing you. But you either don't want to or can't see it.

In your shoes I'd get enough savings together for a deposit- I understand you don't have a joint account even though he is a high earner? Then move out and rent while you start divorcing him. See a solicitor for support. You don't have to live with a bully . There are other men out there or you'd be better off on your own- honestly.

and i'd not be in when he comes home! Go and see a friend or relatives and stay away till later. stop texting him .Ignore him. why are you texting him? not to say 'sorry' I hope!

OP- I think, sadly, you have been in an abusive relationship for so long that you do, by and large, accept this man's crap behaviour as normal. You can't see it for what it is. That is why you come to ask complete strangers if his having a tantrum when he can't have sex on demand when you are ill, not in the mood, etc is 'unacceptable.'

Could you get some support like counselling to help you get out of this?

He's back saying I should be sectioned. He is blaming me entirely and saying things like he was glad I didn't go on holiday and I was being ridiculous as he refuses to admit he was being nasty.
Maybe I,m being pathetic because I'm ill.

Sectioned? Why?

OP- I am only going to pst one more time here for you because I have the feeling you are putting your fingers in your ears and going ' la la la lala'
You aren't listening.

This is emotional abuse. Your thread here and you other thread says it all. One of the key traits of an abuser is to make their victim feel they are 'mad'.

Please read this link and the rest of the site and get help.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/