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Original poster

Breaking up via text

21 replies

ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 13:46

Hi, my friend (yes honestly, it is for a friend) has been on a few dates with a really nice guy, but she doesn't see it going anywhere.

We think a text to break it off would be fine, as it's such a short space of time that they have known each other.

how do you word a text like this? Do you literally just write 'I don't see this going anywhere . . '

Everything I suggest sounds really harsh! (ie, you didn't make me laugh)!!

OP posts:
melibu84 · 22/09/2016 13:49

I went on a few dates with a guy, and he broke it off by email. I was genuinely gutted as I had really liked him. I also felt it was disrespectful to do it by email. I'm not sure if text is much better to be honest! I guess if it has to be by text, she should just say that he is a really nice guy, but she doesn't think that they have a future. It doesn't matter how you word it to be honest, if he likes her a lot, he's going to be sad no matter how she says it.

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 13:54

Thanks Mel . . .and sorry to hear that.

She thought it had fizzled out, so was just going to leave it, but he text today to ask if she wanted to meet again. I think we just thought that arranging a date to then dump him would be worse?

OP posts:
melibu84 · 22/09/2016 13:58

Oh yeah, arranging a date would be silly. It's ok, it was a long time ago, and I wouldn't have met my DP if it hadn't happened :)

I probably would have preferred a phone call, but I am the kind of person who likes breaking news (good or bad) over the phone.

ScarlettB18 · 22/09/2016 13:58

Hiya, I would Just say you're a really nice bloke but I'm not ready for a relationship/dating at the moment.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/09/2016 14:04

Thanks for the offer but I'm going to decline.
This isn't working for me.
I wish you all the best.
From - Heartless bitch Grin

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 14:18

haha! Hells! . .that made me laugh.

We are definitely over thinking it! . .just a short text to say thanks, but no thanks will be fine, I'm sure.

She doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but that's just life sometimes I guess.

OP posts:
OttilieKnackered · 22/09/2016 14:40

I think text is fine for a few dates or a short relationship. Personally, I'd rather receive the text in private and lick my wounds than had to face them and potentially cry/be undignified/have their pity or whatever.

Having said that, I would time it well. You wouldn't want to get such a text during an important work meeting or something.

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 15:04

Hi Knackered . . that's what we thought. he sent his message at lunch time, so she is going to text back after work.

I know we are making a big deal of nothing, was just interested to hear what other people thought.

some people have said that they would just ignore his text! I think that is awful!!

OP posts:
TheVirginQueen · 22/09/2016 15:07

I feel you owe people a little more when you've slept with them but based on the experiences I've had, men don't feel the same.

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 15:15

That's a good point Queen. I think I agree with that.

they met on a night out, had 3 dates, and kissed quite a bit. but that's it.

not much in common and he doesn't make her laugh.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 22/09/2016 15:56

I think she's damned whatever way she does it.

I think texting for something like that is acceptable whereas a lot of people will say it's heartless. No point dragging it out though & arranging another date, just to bin him off

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 22/09/2016 16:09

Thanks Naze!

Deffo not worth arranging another date, and they have never spoken on the phone before, so that also might be a bit odd.

Text message is the way to go . . . .

OP posts:
ageingrunner · 22/09/2016 16:13

If I was on the receiving end of being dumped, I'd rather it was by text in case I cried or whatever. I'd rather have time to process it on my own. That might be just me though

Threepineapples · 22/09/2016 21:23

After 3 dates a text or email is fine imo. A phone call can be awkward for both parties when you don't know each other that well.

Myusernameismyusername · 22/09/2016 22:02

You need to keep the text short. Also don't make excuses be straight to the point.
Texts are fine after 3 dates, I would say it's not ok when you have had an exclusiveness chat

PushingThru · 22/09/2016 22:07

I really wouldn't like to be invited on a fourth or fifth date to be dumped 😂 I think a text is ok or a phone call. It's a bit harder nowadays for nice, decent people who want to call time on something that's lasted a few weeks or dates - we just use so many different types of communications technology, it puts you in a real quandary. After a few dates, use the method you've used to communicate the most.

Cabrinha · 22/09/2016 22:47

Definitely a text, it's been a short space of time, and I would rather lick my wounds privately myself.

Agree with PP, don't send during working day - I can see you said she'd wait until evening.

I don't agree with saying that he doesn't make her laugh - I'd never say anything critical.

I also disagree with a PP who about not being ready for a relationship. Then why date? That just sounds like bullshit anyway!

I did a few (not many!) when I was OLD.

Just checked my phone for last one...

"Hi X, thanks for last night - it was fun and I enjoyed the napkin demo of how to tie a bowline! No easy way to say this now, but you know that no matter how nice someone is, it always comes down to that "click"? I enjoyed meeting you, but didn't get that feeling, so would like to just leave things now. I hope you don't mind me telling you by text - I'm never sure someone will think it polite, but I know I'd rather hear this way - so hope it's OK for you too. Thanks again for the knots lesson, and good luck with future dates, and with that presentation next week!

suspiciousofgoldfish · 22/09/2016 22:56

Cabrinhas message was perfect for such a scenario.

I, being of inferior stock, would make up some bullshit about moving abroad or something.

Cabrinha · 22/09/2016 23:04

Tbf it's sooooooo much easier when it's an OLD thing, because you can be all light and breezy about good luck with other dates, and act like the dumpee has loads of other options Wink

PGPsabitch · 23/09/2016 08:38

Just decline the new date offer. This doesn't sound like it needs a break up text because it sounds like just a few dates, not a relationship.

'I think we should just leave things as they are, I don't think this is really going anywhere for either of us.'

Original poster
ForestFruits12 · 23/09/2016 09:03

Thanks everyone! She sent the text last night.

Just along the lines of 'I've had a lovely time with you, but I don't feel like there is much of a connection, so I think it's best if we left it . . . '

she hasn't heard back, which I guess isn't a bad thing.

thanks again!

xxx

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