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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do?

10 replies

idlewilde · 22/09/2016 13:45

Long time lurker here after a bit of advice. DH and I are good friends with another couple who we see regularly - once a month at least for dinners, drinks etc. We see them together and separately. I enjoy their company. My issue is with the female of the couple who is really horrible to her DP. After a few drinks she shouts at him, tells him what he can and can't do, and totally tries to control his behaviour. She pounces on things he says and sulks/ignores him if he displeases her! It makes me feel really uncomfortable and I have wanted to say something about it in the past but she is not the most approachable person. We are having a weekend away with them soon and I am a bit anxious that her behaviour towards her DP will ruin it. Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
idlewilde · 22/09/2016 14:11

Anyone?

OP posts:
SheldonsSpot · 22/09/2016 14:13

Cancel the weekend away.

Only see her on her own in future.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 22/09/2016 14:13

Maybe steer the weekend away from being a booze up if alcohol is her trigger? Find some activities to do and while feel sorry for her dh it's really up to him to stop being a doormat!!

keely79 · 22/09/2016 14:14

Why are you going away for a weekend with them if you feel like this? You may need to accept that they're not "couple" friends - i.e. you don't see them as a couple but only individually.

It's not really your place to say anything about how their relationship works (absent violence) and if you do you're likely to have both of them turn on you.

Perhaps you can carve out some time just for you and your partner which will also give you a break from them?

Original poster
idlewilde · 22/09/2016 14:15

Thanks for you replies. Unfortunately she is only interested in booze related activities so cancelling the weekend and just seeing her on her own may be the answer.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 22/09/2016 14:15

Are you sure you enjoy their company? She sounds vile!

Why not cancel the weekend and go away by yourselves?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/09/2016 14:16

No, you don't enjoy their company. They make you uncomfortable.

Anyway, either agree with your DP that you'll leave if she starts being a shit and makes you uncomfortable. Taking the piss out of her when she starts is a good tactic with bullies too. Of course, she will then fall out with you because she's a bully and we all know bullies are great at dishing it out but they cannot take it one little bit.

Don't try to rescue her husband. He will hate you for it. And it won't work.

Buzzardbird · 22/09/2016 14:17

I had to stop being 'friends' with someone for this same reason.

One drink in her and she was a nightmare.

Not worth the stress.

Original poster
idlewilde · 22/09/2016 14:18

Thank you rabbit. Good advice!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 22/09/2016 16:01

She sounds horrendous. I'd cancel the weekend.

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