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Original poster

how to deal with resentment

9 replies

crazydil · 16/09/2016 01:48

Husband and i have been together for 8 years. Three kids. And the resentment is killing me. How do i deal with this?
Resentment is due to h not being supportive during tough times and never being able to admit wrong. And because he never takes responsibility for his mistakes, we can never really have a discussion where i can air my grievances. I can't stand to look at him atm

OP posts:
HappyJanuary · 16/09/2016 06:27

I know it sounds flippant but if you're living with someone you can't stand to look at there are only three choices - resign yourself to living like this forever, separate or find a way to make him understand how serious the situation is and hope he listens. You could try putting it in a letter, or suggest couples counselling.

Guiltypleasures001 · 16/09/2016 09:34

You can't live with resentment, there's only two options find a way to live without or him, or leave and find a way to live how you want.

Guiltypleasures001 · 16/09/2016 09:36

Sorry ahh

You can't live with resentment op it's eats away with you, you can either find a way to live with him or it, or you leave and live how you want to peacefully.

Guiltypleasures001 · 16/09/2016 09:37

Sorry ahh

You can't live with resentment op it's eats away with you, you can either find a way to live with him or it, or you leave and live how you want to peacefully.

pallasathena · 16/09/2016 16:51

If you can't talk to him then send him a letter or mail expressing how you feel, how the resentment has built up and how and why you feel at the end of your tether.
You need to set it out in clearly unambiguous and objective vocabulary so that he fully comprehends the content and then give him some time to digest it before sitting down together and thrashing it all out.
If he won't do the sitting down together bit, tell him that's the line. If he crosses it its over. And when you do deliver the ultimatum...as appears to be more than likely, make sure you have an exit plan in place first.

adora1 · 16/09/2016 16:55

You can't have a relationship with a person that blames you for everything and does not even have your back.

Tell him you can't be with someone who does this and you want an equal team partnership, if he can't give you that then move on, don't stay seething with resentment, it will turn you into a horrible person.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 16/09/2016 20:11

You feel resentful because you are being treated badly. How do you deal with that?

Well, you have to stop the bad treatment continuing before you can even consider forgiveness.

It doesn't sound like you think he will ever change, so to stop the bad treatment you will have to split. Have you worked out how you would do that yet?

Destinysdaughter · 16/09/2016 20:15

It sounds more like unexpressed anger and disappointment TBH. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If he won't listen, doesn't care or won't take steps to change you have to decide if you want to continue being with him. Resentment is no solution and only harms you.

springydaffs · 17/09/2016 00:37

I'd bash this out with a therapist iiwy. Dont knock it, give it a try.

Resentment is such a killer. You can't afford to have it in your life long term.

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