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Original poster

New relationship worries

11 replies

User999966666 · 15/09/2016 01:29

Today 01:28 User999966666

Hi all,
After years of only choosing men who seem to only be interested in sex, and online dates that dissapear after the first date or just don't turn up ... I got asked out by a seemingly good one about a month ago.
We met at a shared interest type of setting and we can talk for hours about things and it's all easy and natural and we share similar type of sense of humour etc.
We had a kind of date were we went in a night out and it was good fun but when we kissed I felt absolutely nothing, it was initiated By him but it just left me cold.
I am having massive reservations about taking things further, I think it's to do with his past he has a criminal past although spent and is an ex drug user all though he's clean for 8 years now. He lives in shared house so if we started dating we would probably be at mine most of the time .
He wants to do the things that I do, wants a real relationship which he sees with me, he's working towards his job goal is employed etc but I just have this feeling it's not for me and that maybe I can do better ? I know it sounds awful. The non sexual attraction is a problem too as I dont think it will grow.
To add more about me I'm a single parent of one child with mild ld and am due to start uni next year. Split with ex partner 3 years ago and no one special Since.
I'd really appreciate any advice offered Tia .

OP posts:
BubblingUp · 15/09/2016 02:30

If you aren't interested in him, then you aren't interested in him. I wouldn't just accept him because he is the "least crummy" of the men who have encountered.

HandyWoman · 15/09/2016 07:08

Well, you can definitely do better than this one. You don't even fancy him anyway.

He might be good as a friend?

TheNaze73 · 15/09/2016 07:17

If there is no spark, I'd bin him off. Go with your gut instinct

niceupthedance · 15/09/2016 07:21

I understand the feeling of 'finally might have met a nice one' - but he's not doing it for you so continue the search!

Original poster
User999966666 · 15/09/2016 07:39

Thanks for the responses... Means a lot 🙂
Unfortunately I don't think he'd want to stay friends. He's built up this idea in his head how good we'd be together in a relationship he shares all my interests, have such a similar out look on things he even wants to visit my favourite place ( which is really unknown and not a common place) he suggested before I did. 🙁. I would love to keep him as a friend he's do anything for anyone, and we laugh all day long. It just made a refreshing change from the men who dated me that have secret gfs, the liars cheats and online ghosters. Oh and the ones that decide I'm not good enough for gf material but I'd be good for a sex buddy. 🙄
As the fancying I was hoping that may grow but it hasn't. In all honesty ive fancied about 4/5 men In my entire life... I know this is a low number and it's not that in asexual as when I find someone I like I can't keep my hands off them!
It's not going to work is it ? I'm reinforcing my own thoughts here I guess....

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 15/09/2016 07:43

Always go with your instincts. If you have nagging doubts, don't ignore them is the best advice I can give.

ALaughAMinute · 15/09/2016 07:52

You don't fancy him. He's not right for you. Dump.

adora1 · 15/09/2016 14:00

He could be 100% on paper or in your head but if you do not fancy him, there's not much point is there.

pocketsaviour · 15/09/2016 14:32

If you try to force a relationship with someone you don't fancy, it's not going to end well for either of you.

Unfortunately I don't think he'd want to stay friends. He's built up this idea in his head how good we'd be together in a relationship

Yeah in this case it sounds like it would be unhealthy to stay friends as he'd probably keep trying to change your mind, and he might miss out on potential relationships with other women because he's still holding a candle for you.

It's a shame but you can't just MAKE sexual attraction happen.

Original poster
User999966666 · 16/09/2016 20:06

How do I tell the guy im not interested any more? I don't want to ghost him as I value him and I know how shit that makes you feel 😔
He hasn't contacted me for two days maybe he has gotten the vibe he's not doing it for me?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 17/09/2016 20:24

Wait til he contacts you, then say along the lines of "I've enjoyed our time together, but I'm not feeling the chemistry I look for in a relationship. I do wish you the best of luck finding someone special."

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