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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In desperate need of HELP regarding abusive ex!!!!!

18 replies

notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 02:05

Hi;

Sorry if i's so late.

DS dad is being very unreasonable!! He has literally texted me now, saying that he wants to take DS to school tomorrow. I told him no, that our arrangement is for you to see DS on Saturdays...( he doesn't bother showing up then too) but if you would like to start taking DS to school, then we can arrange that, but not tomorrow ( as I have a bad feeling that it will end up explosive).

DS dad then says "NO", that he will be taking DS to school; that his sick and tired of people telling him what to do, so he will be here today, waiting for us so he can take him to school. His not budging, he says his taking DS to school whether he likes it or not.

Mums netters Sad; I'm worry that there's going to be a big bust up in the morning when I take DS to school and DS will witness all of that again. I hate it, should I just let him take DS to school to avoid the bust up, or call the police? Sad

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 07/09/2016 02:08

Talk to the police if they can't do anything can you get him out of the house early so you'll get him there before he shows up?

Original poster
notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 02:10

No; knowing him; he will be camping outside of my house.

Do you think I should allow him to take DS to school?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2016 02:11

Can you leave early? Spend tonight elsewhere? A friend or relative to stay that might stop him from acting up?

If not, call the police and ask their advice.

Do you have legal orders for access?

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2016 02:13

Only you know him.

But I'd b afraid if you do it'll be the start of him demanding access whenever he pleases and acting up if he doesn't get his way.

Desmondo2016 · 07/09/2016 02:18

You have told him no. Dont engage in any communication with him tonight. If you can, get a friend/family member over at 7. If he is there 'hanging around' anytime between now and morning call the police on 101.

Original poster
notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 02:18

I'm going to leave early...DS school is 30 mins away from my place. We would be waiting for about an hour for the school to be open.

He doesn't really want to see DS, his using him to get to me.

What's legal access? I've never married him.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2016 02:45

I mean court papers setting out when he sees or has the child.

DementedUnicorn · 07/09/2016 02:51

Get up early and have a special mc Donald's or similar breakfast on the way. Will 30mins before definitely mean you'll be away before he comes. What a ballbag.

Original poster
notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 02:51

It wasn't via court; we arranged it with social services at the time.

He is currently calling me non stop, sending me love poems. This is not normal.

OP posts:
Atenco · 07/09/2016 03:00

Legal access is, I believe, a court order saying when and how he can see your ds.

Original poster
notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 03:12

DS has autistics traits and would have a meltdown if I change his routine , but I'll have to risk that to keep us safe Sad.

OP posts:
Fidelia · 07/09/2016 04:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2016 05:15

Block his number, at least for now. You don't need to see his crap.

So nothing enforceable then. You may want to consider getting a court order if you think he's going to keep pulling this shit. With a court order the police can keep him from taking DS unless it's his court ordered time.

43percentburnt · 07/09/2016 05:29

Turn your phone off, but ensure you keep evidence of all his texts - I wouldn't block as it means you reduce your evidence. Keep evidence of when he does not show on Saturdays.

I'd contact the police and tell them you are scared. His behaviour is worrying. Could he be drunk? If he drives to your house it may be worth letting the police know if you think he may be drunk/ on drugs.

Has he done this before?

43percentburnt · 07/09/2016 05:30

By evidence (Saturday's) I mean a diary. Detail how he makes your son feel and what your son says after contact.

Original poster
notgivingin789 · 07/09/2016 09:20

Unfortunately; he is not drunk this is how he usually behaves and it has happend before.

I literally woke up very early, got myself and DS dressed and sneakily went outside. I think I did see DS dad! I'm not sure; but he was looking in the other direction; so I quietly went past my gate and ran with DS, all the way to the train station. DS was moaning because he was getting out of breath, but luckily the dad-- or someone didn't hear.

I spent about 45 mins in a local cafe, near DS school and we had breakfast there.

Called 101 in the very early hours in the morning... They did tell me that he does have rights to see his DS but totally got where I was coming, in regards to the potienal abuse I may of experienced this morning. So they booked me an appointment to report it at my local police station.

OP posts:
MrsBrent · 07/09/2016 09:31

What a dick. How is this in his sons best interest?
Well done, you've played it spot on. Has he tried calling you this morning?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/09/2016 09:40

I do hope the police can help you.
You should also call Womens Aid to see if they can help you.
They can certainly put you in touch with local support services.
Maybe talk to them about their Freedom Programme.
This may help you deal with him better in future?
Worth a try.

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