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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

URGENT Friend with newborn in abusive relationship

15 replies

disfasia · 06/09/2016 00:13

Friend has been basically isolated from her life in London with BF, newborn (less than two weeks old) and is suffering emotional and verbal abuse. She has called the police already and is now trapped. She is currently unemployed (an artist and curator), no family, nowhere to go.

Where can she get support in Norwich? A place to stay as well?

OP posts:
avocadosweet · 06/09/2016 00:18

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. 24 hour helpline.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 06/09/2016 00:19

Can you help?

debbs77 · 06/09/2016 01:21

Could you have her at yours?

Bogeyface · 06/09/2016 02:32

What happened when she called the police? Why is she trapped? Did they not take her seriously and he is using that against her?

Where are you? Could you go and get her?

Sorry for firing of the questions but if you are so worried about her then can you not call in sick tomorrow and get her and her newborn to safety?

Original poster
disfasia · 06/09/2016 08:16

They came and just insisted that the BF's parents give her the keys to her house, nothing more. She is happy she did that but now says she does not want to have any more drama with the police. Meanwhile there has been physical violence and chasing around of her. I am very concerned. I have offered to go up from London to get her and take her to a shelter. I live on a narrowboat so bringing her to mine would be most uncomfortable for her as she would have zero privacy. Otherwise, that would have been my first port of call. Honestly, this is a frightening situation and she is being brainwashed by this family ot believe that she is a bad person for having called the police. I have a job interview today at 11:00 and told her that after that I can pop up there and get her out. I even told her, don't pack more than a bag, you can always go back with the police to get the rest of your things.

The shelter in Norwich is full up as well. So this is why I came here. I am calling now a few places there.

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 06/09/2016 09:01

If there is a chance she could be leaving today, I think she should make up a bag of important possessions. Passport, bank and ID cards, anything she has for the baby. Some cash if she has access to any.

mumandgran61 · 06/09/2016 11:55

Whatever happens, you are being an amazing friend. StarStarStar

Original poster
disfasia · 06/09/2016 12:26

thanks for all your kinds words. i have called everywhere this morning and I effectively told her to just leave...that I would come up now and help her out of there. now no answer on her phone, no FB message. I don't want to be an ass, but I am thinking I ought to call the police. I am VERY concerned.

OP posts:
Colchestergal · 06/09/2016 12:52

Call the police.

HariboBrenshnio · 06/09/2016 12:58

Call the police and have someone check her house. If she's been caught packing and violence has happened in the past this could be a very scary situation. I'd still head up there too.

Bogeyface · 06/09/2016 13:10

Yeah, call the police and tell them that you know she was planning to leave, that you know that there has been violence and that you now cant get hold of her. Make a HUGE fuss if they try to put you off.

Mildinsanity · 06/09/2016 14:05

Stranger off the internet here but I live in Lowestoft if I can help at all always a sofabed avalible if no other options

Bogeyface · 06/09/2016 15:03

Any news? Been thinking about that poor woman all afternoon....

MNHQ
FlissMumsnet · 06/09/2016 21:18

Forgive the interruption - just wanted to say we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns but we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare. Flowers

SpiritedLondon · 06/09/2016 22:35

Ok well if you do an Internet search for Norwich and domestic abuse you will see a number of posts by the police and their DA initiative and a domestic abuse charity who may be able to assist. This is not just a domestic abuse issue but a child protection issue and that child is extremely vulnerable. I would call the police and say that you're aware that the police were called and you are concerned about the apparent lack of police action. I wonder if your friend actually told the officers about any abuse or fobbed them off. If she disclosed anything abusive then they had an obligation to report the incident as a crime under national crime reporting standards ( even if your friend didn't want to pursue the matter). They should also have flagged the presence of the child in this situation and that information should have been shared with children's social care who should conduct a risk assessment. Update the police with the latest assault allegations and ask them to deal with it immediately.You can make an allegation of crime as a third party The child protection issue may be the key to obtaining a place in a refuge ( this is no criticism on your friends abilities as a mum) so ensure that his/her very young age is recorded on the crime report. If you need any more information let me know

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