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Relationships

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Original poster

Why does she get the happy ending

31 replies

Mrs2ndbest · 01/09/2016 21:53

DP had emotional affair with woman on and off for 3 years. They kissed but nothing else happened.
I can't help but every now and again look at her Instagram page. She got married last week and looks so happy. Why does she get the happy ending when I'm still trying to work through the near break down of our relationship. We have come a long way but I know deep down I'm not happy and deserve more. We have three kids under 3 and I'm a SAHM feeling trapped. She doesn't deserve to be the happy one.

OP posts:

georgethecat · 01/09/2016 21:55

Block & don't look, it's not helpful.

Resentment is like swallowing poison & expecting someone else to die

Hassled · 01/09/2016 21:57

What you see on Instagram isn't necessarily the truth - if she had a long EA in recent years then why is she marrying this guy? It seems unlikely that she's committed, that she knows he's the love of her life. Don't let the happy smiley photos fool you into thinking everything in the garden is rosie.

Have you had any counselling - Relate or suchlike? It might well be useful. You've had a hell of a rough time and 3 kids under 3 alone is enough to make you frazzled without your DP's fuckwittedness.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 01/09/2016 21:58

We each of us have to write our own happy ending OP. The difficulty is in knowing what that is - and only you can decide that. If your DP had really, really loved this woman he would have left you. He didn't. So that makes you #1, not 2nd best.

But you are clearly not happy and I do think that the world would be a better place if each of us focused on our own happiness first. Because when you are contented and happy you make other people happy.

The decision is whether you will be happier within your marriage, with your DH, or whether you will be happier divorced.

TheStoic · 02/09/2016 04:42

It must be tough to see. However, there is not a finite amount of happiness in the world.

You still get to have a happy life. Perhaps it's not with your husband?

AyeAmarok · 02/09/2016 04:54

What makes you think she is happy? She was also cheating on her now-husband, her marriage will always be a little bit tainted because of that, which she'll have to live with every day. And the guilt (if she has a conscience).

Photos don't tell you what is going on in someone's life, just the facade they want to project to the world.

LellyMcKelly · 02/09/2016 05:36

You are directing your anger and frustration at her, but your husband is the one you should be angry about. She's just some random woman. He has made vows to you, built a life with you and you have a family together. He betrayed all of that. You have to make your own happiness. Hers is irrelevant.

TheNaze73 · 02/09/2016 07:32

Don't let the OW's happiness eat away at you. Your anger should be directed at DP not her

neonrainbow · 02/09/2016 07:34

If it's such a struggle to make it work with your husband maybe it's time to call it a day?

Faithless · 02/09/2016 09:21

The "happy ending" is Disney bullshit, not real life. Instagram is an advert for the profile holder's life, she's not going to post anything negative. She's a newly wed, the mundane crap of life might not have kicked in yet. Also, she's the sort of person to have an emotional affair with someone else's husband, her and her new husband are going to have their work cut out. Block and don't give her and power over how you live your life.

I agree, your husband is the one you should be directing your anger at. You don't need a marriage or even a partner to be happy, and if your marriage is making you sad, maybe have a good re think about staying in it and try directing your energy towards what makes you happy instead.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2016 09:23

You might be happier if you got shut of your cheat of a husband

guinnessguzzler · 02/09/2016 10:17

You say you're not happy in your relationship and deserve more. So do something with that, focus on the happiness of yourself and your lovely kids. I imagine it's a very hard situation to be in but perhaps if you start thinking now you can work out what would make you happy and how to get there eg within a year, five years, whatever.

For what it's worth I'm pretty convinced that most people who get themselves into these situations are deeply unhappy people (unhappy in themselves) who without significant support to change their thinking are not really capable of true happiness. Or maybe I just prefer to think that way?! Works for me!

WannaBe · 02/09/2016 10:24

It's not about who is deserving and who isn't. You are in control of your own happiness. You know nothing about the woman in this situation really. But if you're not happy in your own relationship then end it and move on.

whimsical1975 · 02/09/2016 10:26

Instagram and FB are hugely misleading... you assume she's happy because she's smiling in photos?? That means absolutely nothing!! The more you focus on her life the more miserable you will become... don't look!!!!

AnyFucker · 02/09/2016 10:30

Your username sums up how you feel about yourself

That is down to the actions of your husband

Why would you want to hang on to someone who made you feel like that ? There are legions of men out there who would make you their first priority

And 3 years affair and they only kissed ? Really ?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 02/09/2016 10:33

I don't believe after 3 years they just kissed either.

I think you would be much happier out of your current relationship. He doesn't sound worth the effort.

plimsolls · 02/09/2016 10:34

Think of her Instagram as an electric socket. Stop sticking your finger in it, it will hurt every time!

SoAreRealArses · 02/09/2016 10:34

She'll only put in Instagram what she wants people to see.

Karma will come for her at some point.

Stop looking at it X

Spaghettidog · 02/09/2016 10:35

If she's been emotionally or physically fucking around with your husband for three years in the run up to her marriage, then that hardly looks like a Disney ending to me. At best, she's confused, immature and irresponsible, at worst an amoral, heartless relationship-wrecker. Neither are good marriage material.

Agree with others - stop looking at social media, direct your anger towards the man who screwed you over, focus your attention on yourself and making your life better, whether that's ditching him, getting back to the workplace, remaining a SAHM but staking out a lot of time and space for yourself etc.

milkyface · 02/09/2016 10:39

Ignore it.

You only know what you're seeing on Instagram, that's what she wants you to see.

Behind closed doors it could be (and usually is!!) a completely different story.

Instagram and Facebook usually aren't a very accurate representation of people's lives.

Ignore her and focus on yourself, (and your relationship if that's still what you want) I won't say try and forget it because I know it's not something you just get over, but don't pay any attention to her because she is irrelevant now x

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 02/09/2016 10:47

Also remember that a wedding is not a 'happy ending' anywhere other than in films. The wedding is a party that marks the beginning of a marriage. It's easy to be happy during that (and even easier to Instagram it to look like the most joyful event ever), but that's not real life.

PP are right that you need to stop focusing on her (it does not good to look at her Instagram) and focus on why you aren't happy in your relationship. Work towards not your 'happy ending' but your own, ongoing happiness. You deserve that.

CRazzyyAce · 02/09/2016 10:48

I think it's natural to feel irked with the situation that she seems happy however most likely things aren't what they see often people put a front on especially with social media. The girl who split my family up is due to get married this month but in hindsight she did me a massive favour because my ex is a prick who if it wasn't her would of been someone else and I've gone on to marry someone m who is an fantastic father and treats me with respect and love. Unfortunately it sounds like you feel trapped in the situation because you have such young children. It's only you that make the change and leave if that's what you want, have you got any family support?

PeppaIsMyHero · 02/09/2016 11:03

Don't you think that having 3 children under 3 and being a SAHM might have something to do with how you're feeling. Forgive me for making assumptions, but are you feeling quite isolated? That's a very hard situation you're coping with, and yet you're comparing your life to that of someone who's just got married. There IS no comparison!

It must be really, really difficult for you at present, but it would be worth thinking through what would make you happy, regardless of anything that's happening to anyone else, then work towards it. Best of luck. x

Lweji · 02/09/2016 11:07

in the grand scheme of things, they kissed. She didn't have sex with him (if you believe him)
your problem is your husband, not her. He was the married one.
you could also have the happy ending with someone who doesn't cheat on you if you had dumped him.
remove all links to her Instagram page. You are doing this to yourself, really. You should concentrate on your life, not worrying about her. What did you want to happen? That she got ill, hopped from abusive partner to abusive partner? Really? What did you expect?

And I really mean this kindly, it's not a healthy attitude. You do need to let go of her and concentrate on your relationship and untrapping yourself. Even if you decide to stay with your OH, it should be because you want to, not because you are trapped.

SemiNormal · 02/09/2016 11:09

Never ever judge a persons life based on what they put out on social media. It's usually the ones who post about how amazing their relationship is that have very fragile relationships and they feel insecure about it.

OP you have ONE life, that's all, just the one - you need to decide whether to let go of what has happened and make a proper go of things with your partner (and forget the past, which you haven't or you wouldn't be looking through her instagram) or if you want to walk away and make a fresh start.

GabsAlot · 02/09/2016 12:09

social media is false

all this look at me nonsense look at my pics its lik theyre trying to convince themselves of happiness

does her new husband know about the affair if not one day he will

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