My mum is so easily offended

[Disappointednomore]

My mum is currently staying with me. She takes offence at the slightest thing. Just now I realised she had left the tap running and asked her to try to remember to turn it off (she's done this before). She's had a massive strop and said she won't come again since she "does so much wrong" and is currently ignoring me. She is looking after DD whilst I work and I am Really grateful - I dash home to cook dinner and am not asking her to lift a finger other than minding DD. She is quite forgetful now and I wonder if this reaction is because it frightens her.

Ask her if that is the reason. I'm assuming this behaviour is new.

No it's not new but it's getting worse. She's always been self-absorbed and my sister has been nc with her for years.

My mum does this passive-aggressive thing; only with her its that she thinks she can be as rude as she likes to people, but if you pull her up on it, she does a big dramatic "I'll just not talk at all then!" or "I'll just not say anything anymore!". It's very difficult to deal with.

It's hard to say in your case; I think when people get older and get forgetful they can become defensive because they get worried about it. However you say your DM has been self-absorbed for a long time and your sister has nc... which suggests she's a bit manipulative like my DM and likes to make everything about her? Would that be correct? It could be a combination of the two - one thing fuelling the other.

I wish I could offer a solution because I still struggle to work out the best way to deal with my DM. She'll have a major strop and then not talk to me for days. I live further away now so it's not so bad, but I don't particularly look forward to visiting because I know she'll get into one of her moods, start insulting me and then if I ask her to stop or pull her up on her rudeness, she'll have a major drama.

The only thing I would suggest is pick your battles. If it's something she's forgotten but it's of no major consequence, don't pull her up on it. Obviously if it causes a danger or a major problem, that's a different matter. I've learned over the years to pick my battles with my DM... it doesn't stop her behaviour but it's a way of managing my own stress around her.

Alfagirl - yes your mum sounds very similar. My mum said last night that my DH leaving me was probably more upsetting for her than for me...

Yes - my mum says exactly that sort of thing; when I relocated with my job (it was a massive career opportunity/promotion that I'd been working towards for ages and she knew that) she said I was only moving to get away from her... EVERYTHING is turned around to be all about her. I actually snapped earlier this year and said "for gods sake, everything is not all about you!". Of course she had a strop/drama about it... but I'd had enough of the manipulation and passive-aggressive drama. I greatly sympathise. It's difficult because when I try to talk rationally and calmly with her, she still has a strop so I find myself trying to reason with the unreasonable.