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Original poster

How do you end a date nicely?

33 replies

Trills · 28/08/2016 21:05

You've been on a date with someone you met online.

You like them.

But you want the date to end now.

You want them to know you had a nice time.

But you've had enough nice time for now and you want to finish.

What do you do/say?

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 28/08/2016 21:06

'Well this has been nice/lovely but I really have to go now. Tara then. Shall we do it again another time?'.

Dozer · 28/08/2016 21:06

What time of the day/evening are we talking?

Dozer · 28/08/2016 21:07

Don't "the rules" say some things on this?!

Elllicam · 28/08/2016 21:08

Make an excuse and give them an enthusiastic goodnight kiss so they know you're keen?

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 21:08

When it's daytime, or an evening date but early enough that saying "I have to go, got to get up in the morning" would sound like a brush-off.

OP posts:
besshope · 28/08/2016 21:16

daytime - thanks I've had a lovely time, I need to go now as I have to [insert thing you need to do/made up excuse]
evening- thank's I've had a lovely time but for some reason I'm feeling very tired now and need to get an early night. I hope we can do it again.

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 21:47

Maybe I've just been reading too many of these but being inexplicably tired would definitely sound like an excuse to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 21:52

I'd like to be able to communicate "I am enjoying spending time with you but right now I want to leave, and then spend time with you again on some other occasion" without the first part sounding like a lie.

I believe that this is a normal thing to want, but for some reason the etiquette seems to be that if you like a person on a date you should act as if you want to stay in their company for as long as humanly possible.

OP posts:
suspiciousofgoldfish · 28/08/2016 22:01

Sometimes, just lie.

You have someone to pick up/meet your sister has a flat tyre/whatever.

I don't understand the obsession everyone has with being totally honest all the time Grin, just make your (very plausible) excuse and leave.

Then call them later if you want to.

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 22:05

But I shouldn't NEED to lie, because it's a perfectly normal thing to want.

I am being forced to lie by an unrealistic expectation around dating.

OP posts:
CiaoVerona · 28/08/2016 22:09

Well, say exactly what you're saying here, we've had a lovely time I have to leave, Id love to meet you again or other such words.

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 22:11

You do recognise the thing I'm talking about though right? The expectation that if one ends a date before one absolutely MUST, then it's a sign of not fancying the other person.

OP posts:
besshope · 28/08/2016 22:12

I've never heard of that expectation tbh. Am from the 'leave them wanting more' school of dating Wink

dudsville · 28/08/2016 22:15

That's interesting op. Other social situations either have natural endings or you can tell the truth. So that makes me think, where are the natural pauses during a date, after a meal or a walk or a drink... then can you end it as you would with a friend? "It was great seeing you, I'd better head on now but I'd love to meet up again soon if you're interested?" That way your statement about leaving is couched between two compliments?

dudsville · 28/08/2016 22:18

And I agree I also wouldn't want to lie. I used to date a lot and I think I just ended with either 1) this was great, I've really enjoyed tonight. Would you like to meet up again? Or 2) well I'll be on my way now, or read nice meeting you.

cloudyday99 · 28/08/2016 22:21

If you're finding evening dates too long, would it help to set a later starting time for evening dates? Eg if you meet for drinks at 8.30, you'd be fine to say you were tired and thanks for a nice evening by around 10.30.

If they're daytime dates, then say you have some thing you need to get going for, or if you have a desperate urge for honesty, arrange something genuine.

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 22:23

It's not a big problem, just something that I was pondering this evening :)

OP posts:
Dozer · 28/08/2016 22:49

It's socially a bit tricky even with friends, isn't it!

I commute to work and have to get up v early: if I go out feel it's rude/unfriendly to leave early, so stay much later than I want to! Silly really.

Snazarooney · 28/08/2016 22:58

I think an hour (2 tops) is generally long enough when you're meeting a guy for the first time. First dates can be tiring as you've only just met the person and know very little about them. It's just about meeting in person and seeing how you get on and if you're physically attracted to them at all.

Could you say you're parking is up or when you arrange to meet say at the time that you have a hair app etc at 4 so could meet about 2.30?

I try to do 'dating with integrity' at all times but it's a minefield! Not easy!

Snazarooney · 28/08/2016 23:00

Ps I find it hard leaving any situation!

forumdonkey · 28/08/2016 23:07

I find it harder leaving a date, when I don't want to see them again and they are making it obvious they do Sad.

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 23:10

Oh leaving if I don't want to see them again is FINE, because if they get the impression that I don't want to see them, I am OK with that.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 28/08/2016 23:13

OP I find it harder the other way around, I find there are more frogs than princes in my pond - sadly

Original poster
Trills · 28/08/2016 23:14

Haha yes, it is more common to find a frog. But I don't find saying goodbye to frogs any problem.

OP posts:
tigermoll · 28/08/2016 23:43

About twenty minutes before I want to leave I do this:

ME: (check my watch)Do you have time for one more?

DATE: Oh, do you have somewhere you need to be?

ME: (Regretful, but firm) Yes, unfortunately I have to leave by nine/whenever. We've got time for one more drink, if you'd like to?

That way the evening isn't abruptly terminated, which can feel a bit jarring to the other person. When saying goodbye I lightly put both hands on his shoulders and go in for a confident cheek kiss. If he puts his hands on my waist, we are perfectly set up for a proper snog. Then on the bus home, I text to say thanks for a lovely evening.

I think that gives a clear signal that I would be up for a second date. If he doesn't pick up on that, I tend not to chase.

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