It's over

[BeyondDispair]

I have been married for 12 years and I have had enough. I lost my job earlier this year and was allowed to claim JSA for 6 months. I cannot claim anything else because of his earnings.

Our marriage has been dead for a long time but I haven't done anything about it because we have two boys aged 11 and 7.

We have no savings how do I go about ending this marriage? I am saving to go and see a solicitor - he gives me between £50 and £100 a week for the kids.

Any advice greatfully received.

You could try Citizens Advice or find a solicitor who offers a free session, you may be entitled to legal aid.

Sorry you are going through this but if you are unhappy and you have tried,then it's the right thing to do.

You can only get legal aid for divorce if evidence of dv. Though it is possible to find a solicitor that will let you pay over a period of time. A friend was allowed 2 years to pay off her bill. Ask around or look online. Please don't let finances or that you have kids put you off getting the lives you all deserve.

Any abused or dv involved ? EA, legal aid is means tested and the criteria is very strict.
You can petition for divorce yourself, the documents are on the .gov website, it costs £410

Abuse, excuse typo

See a solicitor that offers a free 30 minute session. Costs for a divorce can be shared or paid by the person who is earning anyway depending on how everything is agreed. You would be entitled to benefits as a single parent which would be more than your existing allowance. Try a benefits checker and enter your details as a single person

I was thinking more of a Seperation than a divorce as I really can't afford it.

There was and still is financial abuse he is absolutely useless with money - it's only recently I have realised how stupid I have been. He would always say ' you get that on credit because your credit is better than mine and I will pay you back' 'put the holiday on your CC and I will pay you back' even the money I saved for the kids he borrowed and never paid back.

He has said some pretty awful things like when our oldest was a couple of months old he knelt in front of him and said 'your mum's a fucking bitch' I was shocked at the time because there was no reason for this, we had had words but this was OTT.

He has told me I am lazy because I don't have a job despite currently being on an unpaid back to work scheme, taking kids to/from holiday club and sorting their dinners, washing up etc. I have previously worked for 26 years.

He's told me that he only married me so he wouldn't be 'left on the shelf'

I have made an appointment with a solicitor before but bottled out and cancelled it but I have had time to think since being made redundant and realise how one sided things are.

I can't afford to leave and don't know where to start. He won't leave I have told him how unhappy I am and he doesn't care. He once said that if he left the kids would suffer as there wiould't be enough money for them to do their after school activities that they love.

I am not sure what to do. I know we can't carry on like this but he wouldn't be bothered if we left other than he would be on his own which he doesn't like.

It sounds like you're not 100 % sure about leaving him yet.

If you leave him you will get JSA again as a single person.

'He would be left on the shelf' - So he knows nobody else would put up with him then. Lol

Have a free session with a solicitor. If you want to separate then someone needs to move out. Do you own your property? Have you told him you want to separate?

I am sure but I have no where to go, no money and 2 kids.

Do solicitors still give free sessions I am sure I was told it was £150 when I rang last time.

I feel trapped.

There is always a way out. If you have no luck finding a free session then try CA. You need to know your legal rights before telling him and be certain that you are sure and won't back down regardless of how bad he tries to make you feel. At the end of the day your feelings are important and valid.

Do you own your own home or is it rented?

It's owned/mortgaged.

My feeling get dismissed. I ask him anything I get ignored. If I ask him to fix something that's broken the response if I get one is why can't you do it? He used to say he would fix things but never did.

He spends all the money he earns I have no idea if there is any money in his account mine is empty. I have had a couple of interviews and I am hopeful of going back to work soon.

Good for you with trying to find a job, hopefully that will help you on many levels.

It sounds like he is emotionally abusing you and financially as well.

You will need legal and financial advice as you own your property.

Try citizens advice to begin with. I haven't been over there but I think there is a divorce and a legal section on this forum, you may get suggestions.

You have every right to be happy.

Thanks Lam I will have a look on the legal section.

Find out what you might be entitled to. Pop in figures on turn2us or the like - you may be surprised - child tax credit etc can all really add up. Sometimes you can get housing benefit if you move out for about 6 months on an interim basis until your house can be sold. Try and get a CAB appointment to clarify your financial situation or search to see if there are any other welfare rights type organisations in your area.

Thanks Trog I thought if you left then he doesn't have to allow you back. I am trying to do the best for the kids I try to avoid him as much as possible.