PMS ruining my relationship

[Ames84]

This is my first post here, but I'm running out of ideas.
I've known for a few years that hormones make me a raging nightmare, I've tried different types of contraceptive pill and they all have the same effect, making me a mad woman!
I'm now on the copper coil but I've found that over the last 6 months or so, I've been a hormonal mess for 2-3 days just before AF.
It was my boyfriend who pointed out that it was related to my cycle but he really struggling with my outbursts. I'm irrational and unreasonable for the couple of days a month but the rest of the time, I'm nothing like that. Although he knows why I'm acting so differently, its really starting to make him doubt the future of our relationship. He worries that the arguments we have are things that I repress for the rest of the month, but that's not the case. He is also worried that if/when I get pregnant, I will be like that for 9 months. This is getting us both down, he hates arguing as things are normally brilliant between us and I hate being a bitch and making him sad.

I've just ordered some supplements, magnesium, calcium, agnus castus etc to see if they help, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Does anyone have an suggestions for coping?

Thanks xx

I'm on the depo injections just for the same. No issues anymore.

The coil maybe making things worse. Google prof John Studd and look up PMDD

My friend, a very senior hcp, suffered this way and started a very low dose anti depressant and it changed her life. Many people are wary of this but it saved her marriage.

Having said that, firstly see your GP and try everything else. Also, this may be controversial but I do believe we are responsible for our words and actions at all times and hormones may make us feel emotionally labile but are no excuse for poor behaviour.

I had PMDD which is the severe form of PMS. I think mine was triggered by my copper coil....
For the week before my period the symptoms would ramp up more and more until I was very literally a suicidal mess. It was very scary. Then the day my period would start those symptoms would ease right off. So I could go to bed planning to kill myself and wake up ok.
About 8% of women have this condition and it's not to be taken lightly.
In the end after years of trying all sorts I had the end stage treatment (hysterectomy with ovaries out) but there are lots you can try before.
Google it and see if this sounds like you. If you're in London Nick Panay is the man to see privately, if you're up North then it's Dr Tony Mander

I had this, sadly it got worse as I got older.Sucuess of treatments seem to vary and I'm not sure if it's understood enough to have adequate treatments in place.

A low dose AD can help.Were you previously better with the pill? Could Mirena coil work better?

I actually found pregnancy much better and had no angry hormonal outbursts.

I do feel PMS exacerbates levels of dissatisfaction so listen for the themes that come up each month, however I know I felt it was uncontrollable.Logically I would know I was pre menstrual but have zero ability to control the emotions.You have my empathy it horrible to deal with.

I was awful for a week each month and my gp was useless. Basically told me I'd eventually grow out of it!

Giving up refined sugar and eating every 4 hours has changed my life. I carry nuts with me at all times and my mood is so much more even. Sometimes Af arrives without me even realising it was due which would never have happened before.

YY to Prof John Studd as well!

This isn't like being in a bad mood Matilda it's like an allergic reaction to progesterone which ramps up before your period starts. It drives women to kill others and themselves. It's a horrendous, debilitatling condition.

Magnesium apparently takes some time to kick in. But can work well over time.
Cutting down on tea and coffee apparently helps.
I'd go and discuss options with your GP.
Role on the menopause, I say!

I feel your pain. My OH is very understanding but im so awful and emotional every month! I went to see my doctor for this the other day in the hope i could get a contraceptive pill to help things as i struggle with pain too. Doctor wouldnt prescribe me combined pill as i'm high risk and said a mini pill can make moods worse. Im being sent for scans and Ive been prescribed an AD but a bit reluctant to take it to be honest as Im not depressed but wondering if i should give it a try.

I could have written this OP. In fact, I'm due my period tomorrow and last night I had a go at DP about a pile of passive aggressive washing up he had left for me to do ??? I never had PMS before the copper coil but now I get it every month and it is such a horrible feeling. If it's unbearable, speak to your GP/nurse about alternative contraception. Good luck!

I used to be the same and I feel for you because it's literally uncontrolable even though you know what it is. I had a merina coil fitted and it has been 100% better. The only time I had anything like what it used to be was when I had a new one fitted and it was settling in. I sometimes feel little more emotional but the unreasonable, uncontrollable rages and frustration is now gone.

I was prescribed Prozac for PMS and it has all but disappeared. For the first time EVER I was surprised when my period arrived. Marvellous stuff.

I too went on the depo for this. I have to say it's been a relief.

Just to add to all the great advice here, there is sometimes a role for intermittent anti-depressant use for PMS, so that you take them for several days out of the month.

Might be worth looking in to or asking your GP about.

I had this and was prescribed sertraline (anti depressants) saved marriage if not my life.

I'm off them now went off them before getting pregnant with Dc1 and hasn't come back.

I think bit am not sure that you can get to the point where you just take them in the week leading up to when you get the pms/pmdd.
Worth talking to Dr about

Thank you for all the replies, I've booked an appointment with my GP to see if she can help but it's not for 2 weeks. AF has arrived so I'm calm again now.
I'm reluctant to try any hormone contraception like the Mirena or any more pills, I've tried a few different ones and they make me worse than the PMS.

I need to get it under control or it's going to end my relationship with my long suffering OH as he has been so down this week because of this.

Has anyone tried St Johns Wort?

I did and it did nothing.

I get this really badly due to severe Endometriosis.

It was so bad, I couldn't cope, but have found Evening Primrose Oil to have really helped me, I take it every day throughout the month.

My Dr recommended it as I cannot take the pill or have any other treatment due to conflicts with other medication.

I’m the same and I feel so sorry for my Dh.
I’ve got to the stage where I know what’s happening and I’m likely to be ott. I agree with Matilda that’s whilst it’s difficult to control ourselves, we have to be responsible for it. We don’t rant and rave at work colleagues/people in the shop etc, so we do have some control. (I’m talking about bad PMS here, not PMDD)
With Dh I’ll say “this is how I feel, it’s pissing me right off, but I have PMT so I may be being ott and I apologise.” Dh is like and here’s the .

I’m glad you’re off to the Dr OP. Mine suggested eat regularly, drinks lots of water, keep away from sugar, and get some exercise. When I do stick to this, I do feel so much better.

Have you tried cutting out sugar and refined carbs? It's creates an almost immediate improvement in my experience.

I agree about diet. I also suffer with awful moods leading up to my period but on the months when I am looking after my diet (not eating sugar and refined carbs and getting enough good protein) my moods almost disappear. I'm even the whole month.

I find that poor eating during the PMT week triggers worse behaviour. I'm exhausted and feel like I can't cope and then eat loads of sugar - then get irritable and eat more... It's a cycle.

Now is a good time to clean up your diet - when you period starts is the best time to start a new diet and you can show your boyfriend you are taking his concerns seriously and trying everything you can.

Equally though - your boyfriend needs to educate himself on hormones so he can also help you with your cycle and your moods. it needs to be a shared thing and you need support.