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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling nervous think he is going to end it this evening

32 replies

onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 07:41

So been seeming a great man for a few months, but he has been a bit distant lately, think it's mostly because he is really busy but I'm worried that it's more than just busy. I have backed off to try and give him some space but it's hard to avoid him as we live in a small Village and so keep bumping into each other. He has asked to see me this evening which normally I would be excited about to catch up with him but for some reason my instincts tell me he may dump me.... Don't know what to do, I really like him. Just don't know how to behave when I see him, would you pretend you think everything is fine or would you ask him out right straight away if he is wanting to finish it?

OP posts:
dwinnol · 12/08/2016 07:44

Don't do the dirty work for him! If he wants to end a relationship let him do it.

StealthPolarBear · 12/08/2016 07:44

I'm sorry :( id just be businesslike I think. Is there any way you could meet earlier?

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 07:51

Nope, he is at work and I've got my kids and a busy day planned.... Just need to try and get it out of my head and enjoy my day.... But struggling!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 12/08/2016 08:11

It's a toughie however, if always be in favour of backing your gut instincts. Has something dramatically changed for you to think this? When I've been working on projects in the past & just need my own headspace, people have thought I was going to end things, so he may be a self energiser.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 12/08/2016 08:16

Is there any chance he's married?

NedStarksHead · 12/08/2016 08:17

ExtraHotLatte,

Why would you ask that?

MidnightVelvettheSixth · 12/08/2016 08:18

I would meet him assuming there is nothing wrong, if you've been backing off then he may think you want to end it?

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 08:32

I'm hoping he has just been needing his own head space. He also has been increasingly busy as in addition to his regular work he also helps a company that run events, there are only three events a year but it is pretty all consuming for a week when they occur, and one just has. The only thing that I can think of is that my son unbeknown to us at the time saw us kissing, we are trying to keep it from the kids until we are more sure of our feelings.
Definitely not married our close circle of friends is a mutual circle of friends, I know his family too, I find this has put pressure on me that at times has been a bit overwhelming as everyone around us is very happy and supportive but also treats us as though we have been together for a long time rather than just a couple of months!

OP posts:
Pearlman · 12/08/2016 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 12:18

He said yesterday..... 'I should be free tomorrow night if you want to catch up'
Not sure but think it's more of a 'popping over'
Hope I'm just being paranoid!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/08/2016 12:22

Well, that doesn't sound like he's going to dump you! If he'd said, "I want a word with you" or "There's something we need to talk about" then maybe, but he said he wants to catch up, that's all.

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 12:49

Thank you imperialbleather! Going to keep reading your above comment and enjoy my avo!! And worst case he does at least I've not wasted the avo fretting!!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 12/08/2016 13:18

'I should be free tomorrow night if you want to catch up'
This does NOT sound like a break up get together.
Have a lovely afternoon and evening.
It will all be fine.

Pearlman · 12/08/2016 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunnyTummy · 12/08/2016 13:45

I definitely think we over analyse everything don't we! he has asked for a catch up . . maybe he is genuinely missing you!

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 12/08/2016 13:53

Thanks for the reassurance.... I'm clearly spending too much time tidying up after the kids And watching them in the park.... Gives me time for over analysing!!

OP posts:
inastew · 12/08/2016 22:47

.... let us know how it panned out tonight OP

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 13/08/2016 04:57

Sadly my instant was right... Because he is worried that his 4 year old will in time blame him for the break up between him and his partner, they broke up over a year ago because she was seeing someone else, had been for at least a year prior to their break up and still is. Now just don't know what to tell or how to tell my kids as especially my son who told my mum he hoped the son would become his brother.

OP posts:
TrainAway · 13/08/2016 05:13

Sorry to hear that oneday. I hope you are alright tonight. Sounds like maybe he is not ready to see someone else yet rather than anything to do with you.

AndDontCallMeShirley · 13/08/2016 05:14

Sorry onaday, how are you feeling? I'm thinking from your time of posting you have been talking a lot about it tonight with him, hopefully? I read your op earlier. When do you need to tell your dcs? Take some time to get your head round it first.

I do think if his ex partner was the cause of the initial break up and that was a year before you met... I'd be questioning why he is using this as a reason now? I hope he sat down and gave you a full and frank explanation of what's going on.

Flowers for you. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason

AndDontCallMeShirley · 13/08/2016 05:20

Sorry I read that wrong his e had been seeing someone for a year before they broke up. I read it as they had broken up a year before they met.

Kr1stina · 13/08/2016 05:26

So he's breaking it off because his ex left him for someone else a year ago? And he thinks his 4yo may blame him for that some time in the future ?

So , he's going to stay single for the rest of his life to prove to his child that it was her mother than broke things up?

Right .

That's the most pathetic made up excuse I've heard in a long time . I'm sorry but I agree with the PP who says he's just not ready for a relationship.

Seriously , he's not a great man , you are well rid .

Maybe next time you need to protect you own kids a bit more, you son sounds a bit over invested in a man you have been dating for a few months.

And I'm sorry , these things are never easy .

HandyWoman · 13/08/2016 09:29

Agree with Kr1stina. I'm so sorry things turned out this way.

Your son said he hoped his son would become his brother? For a relationship of only 3 months that seems rather OTT.

This man has given you a pathetic excuse to break things off..

Put simply he just isn't ready for a relationship, nor is he emotionally all that self-aware. Or, he just doesn't feel the same way about you. Not a great catch.

I'm sorry. It hurts. I hope you are ok. Are you likely to bump into him much?? Look after yourself Flowers

Flappyhat · 13/08/2016 10:01

Sorry to hear what you are going through.

Bit confused about your Ds though. Why was he talking about your exps Ds becoming his brother if you were keeping it away from the DC until you were more sure of your feelings?

Original poster
onadaylikethis · 13/08/2016 10:23

We are in the same circle of friends, his best mate is married to one of my closest friends, his sister is a godmother to one of my kids, impossible to keep the DC's away from each other they have been friends for a good while, we were just trying to hide the relationship from them. Also impossible not to see him, I'm working today and know he will be coming by, just hoping I hold it together when he does, or manage a well timed toilet break!
Sadly I think you are right Krist1na and handywan, feel terrible about my kids, DS especially, I feel I have failed them again, by not protecting them enough, don't think I can face a next time, feel it's easier alone than to let them down again

OP posts: