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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What should I do?

4 replies

Givingupadamn16 · 07/08/2016 22:19

First time poster so I'm not sure if I am posting right so hopefully someone can help if wrong.
Bit of background been with dh for 9 years married 8, have 3dc ranging from 7 down to 4 mo! Over the years had a very volatile relationship with dh, with is even separating for nearly a year in 2013. He is from another country where if he took our dc I would be unable to get them back as the uk has no jurisdiction in this country. He also believes that it is ok to belittle me and treat me like crap infront of people but in his culture it's quite normal.
Well getting to the point, I have reason to believe that he is seeing other people behind my back but I'm not sure what I should do. I know the obvious thing would be confront him but there are factors which make me think twice about doing that. I know I need to have a backbone here but....how?

OP posts:

sealmane · 07/08/2016 22:30

He is from another country where if he took our dc I would be unable to get them back as the uk has no jurisdiction in this country.

This jumped out at me. I think you need to see a divorce solicitor (or two for a second opinion) for a consultation to check this out so you are clear what it would take to make the necessary protective and preventative measures.

Why is it the obvious thing to do to confront him? It may not be especially if he is going to lie anyway. It may be better to bide your time and get your ducks in a row. You mention other factors that would prevent you from confronting him but don't say what they are.

It sounds a loveless, strained way to live. I hope you get advice that will support you. Legal advice will help you get the bigger picture. Even if you don't believe you have backbone, knowledge of your options may give you extra strength to make the right decision.

Missgraeme · 07/08/2016 22:34

Before he gets wind u have suspicions I would remove their passports from your home. He can get replacements but not in a hurry if things get nasty quickly. See a solicitor ASAP. For now they are in the UK and u do have rights here.

Cabrinha · 07/08/2016 22:36

Yes, speak to a solicitor or at least CAB about the risk of him taking the children abroad.

Do they have passports?

I have read advice that if your children don't have them, you should apply without telling him, and have then sent to another address. That will stop your husband applying for them. I'm not sure if you can even highlight it officially that there is a risk so they are flagged at customs. Certainly take all passports and give them to a friend outside of your house for safekeeping.

Original poster

Givingupadamn16 · 07/08/2016 22:51

The other factors Sealmane are that he has been violent before, he uses the fact that I used to suffer from depression against me in everything I do. Even if I did confront him it would all be blamed back on me and I just don't know if I have the fight in me.
Cabrinha, my dd1 has both passports for uk and his country, dd2 British passport has expired but she has other passport. Ds has no passports as of yet. I do have the option of applying without him knowing for the British passports at least, may be something worth looking into.
I think that you are all right and I must make it a matter of importance to seek advice. Thanks for replying

OP posts:

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