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Original poster

Is this too soon....

27 replies

Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 12:00

This post isn't about our feelings for one another. This relationship is perfect and i'm old enough and sadly previously been stupid enough to know from past relationships what does and doesn't work.

Anyway I've been dating this guy for a couple of months, he stayed at mine one night (over a month ago) and hasn't moved out since. It feels like he has been there years

In any event we are going to try it on a more permanent basis but i'm interested in how any of you moved in with your loved ones after such a short period of time?

I'm of the opinion, if it doesn't work off he goes.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 01/08/2016 12:08

So you knew him a month and he moved in?

Yes - way, way, way, way too soon

Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 12:08

I would like to add. He does have his own place, business, and is not a leach. being a sponger is not the reason he hasn't left mine

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 12:09

Costa - no he hasn't moved in yet, well not properly. He just hasn't spent any time at home since we met. Works during the day, come home to mine at night. Does his stuff at the weekends

OP posts:
LewisAndClark · 01/08/2016 12:09

I took my now dh home the night I met him. We met up again a week later and he basically never left. We moved in officially together six months later.

We've been together for ten years.

ayeokthen · 01/08/2016 12:11

Moved in 3 months after we met, because my DS asked him to (we'd been planning on leaving it a while to allow DS time to get used to the idea) raised loads of eyebrows at the time but 5 years on were still as happy.

Missgraeme · 01/08/2016 12:11

Met my dh on a Sat 4 years ago. Never spent a night apart after that. Married with a baby now. And he acquired 10 step kids.

ChicRock · 01/08/2016 12:11

So he came for a night and just never went home?

And their aren't alarm bells loud in your ears and huge red flags in front of your eyes?

we are going to try it on a more permanent basis he's moved in already, how can it be more permanent? Confused

Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 12:24

ChicRock - He had stayed on and off for a couple of months, then yes literally one night he stayed as usual and has been coming home every night since. He most certainly said on a few occasions is he outstaying his welcome and he isn't.

To me it doesn't feel at all odd and no red flags. When i say more permanent i mean clearing one of my wardrobes and making space for him. He isn't immediatly going to be using my address as his permanent home address for his banking , bills and stuff. That will come later

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 01/08/2016 12:31

I think it's all down to personal preference. So there's no right or wrong. Would be way too soon for me however.

ChicRock · 01/08/2016 12:34

Sorry, I do t see how clearing a wardrobe for him is more permanent.

Hey ho. If it's just the two of you then crack on, don't merge finances and make sure that if it all ends, all is needed is for you to box up his stuff and he's gone, and good luck to you both.

If you have children then it's grossly irresponsible.

Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 12:46

Definately no children involved.

OP posts:
iloveberries · 01/08/2016 13:09

10STEPKIDS?????

Mytown1971 · 01/08/2016 13:13

If there are no kids, he isn't sponging and you are realistic to know it may not work out then I'm not sure what the problem is.

Not every relationship works out whether move in quickly or not.

It wouldn't work for me as I would prefer more space and to be honest seeing each other every night at the start takes some of the fun away for me. I accept that not everyone is the same though.

MoggyMischief · 01/08/2016 13:16

Dh moved in with me after 3 days of dating, moved to a new flat together after 3 months. It worked for us.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 01/08/2016 13:18

I would be too soon for me but we are all different

Since no DC involved and you are both financially solvent then if you are happy with the situation then it is really noone else's business BUT do you really feel you know enough about this man to make such a decision after such a short period of time?

Have you met each other's friends/family, know each other's history?

Footle · 01/08/2016 13:27

Mine moved in after 3 weeks and we got married 6 weeks after that, nearly 40 years ago. Still happily together.

ThinkPinkStink · 01/08/2016 13:32

There is no right or wrong here, as grown ups you are 'allowed' to do whatever makes you BOTH happy.

Just make sure you're happy, this doesn't sound happy to me:

he stayed at mine one night (over a month ago) and hasn't moved out since. It feels like he has been there years

RedMapleLeaf · 01/08/2016 13:44

I asked my boyfriend to move in after about 4 or 5 months. We discussed finances and the fact that he should keep his (rented) accommodation on for a bit.

It's all gone smoothly but for one issue and this is becoming a bit of a sticking point. Not in a bad way, just something that needs working through before we decide whether he moves in and gives up his house or moves back there. It's an issue that I wasn't aware of at the 4 month stage and makes you remember that there's lots of things to learn about each other in the first couple of years.

Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 13:46

Shagged - we are both in a fortunate position where we are financially secure. There is no way we are going to merge financially. This is really all about just making a bit more space for him as he is there every night which may lead to a more permanent arrangement.

Yes the family and friends has been done. I chucked him in at the deep end a while ago.

Although its still not long, i've know him for over 6 months. We have friends of friends, and being an inquisitive female i've done my homework on him Wink

ThinkPink - that is in a good way! i'm not fed up of him already Smile

I'm not too worried about living in each others pockets and needing space. We are pretty much on the go all day. I work, he works, i have two horses and travel quite a bit for work, so they are both my getaway opportunities

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/08/2016 13:52

RedMaple - he will definately keep his own place for the time being. I have no intention of selling mine, that's my bolthole and pension. This is obviously still in the early days, but as i get older and more secure i'm thinking just 'sod it' do what feels right in every aspect of my life and if it works great, if not move on.

OP posts:
GashleyCrumbTiny · 01/08/2016 13:57

If you're not merging financially, if he's not officially signing up to this being his official address, and if he's planning on retaining his own place so he can move out easily if it all goes tits up in another six months - I don't see why not. It is very quick, but if you're both protected logistically speaking, it's probably worth a punt given how it's going. Sounds like the only practical thing you're actually changing is that he'll have some space to put his stuff! Have you talked over how he is/isn't going to contribute financially to your place if he's living there? The only thing I'm thinking is that you need to be on the same page regarding how far this will now be "his place" too.

Footle · 01/08/2016 15:15

I should have added that looking back it seems an extraordinary risk to have taken , but it worked for us so presumably it could work for you.

BearFoxBear · 01/08/2016 15:17

If you're happy with it then it's fine. My now dh moved in after about 3 months, but spent every weekend at mine before that. We've been together for 6 years very happily!

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2016 15:20

Where does he sleep on the nights you're away?

Isetan · 01/08/2016 16:57

Essentially, he's moved in by stealth and you've gone along with it.

Relationship dynamics don't just create themselves, both parties have to contribute to them and if you don't want a dynamic where decisions are made by stealth, then start as you mean to go on and have a bloody conversation. You say that "if it doesn't work out then off he goes", does he know this or is this another conversation you aren't having?

Don't use the 'perfect mess' of it all, as an excuse to skip laying the foundations (respect, honesty etc) of a healthy relationship.