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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex Husband wants children too meet his girlfriend

15 replies

tryandbehappy · 30/07/2016 20:20

Hello, Im looking for kind words and advice,
I found out 6weeks ago that my husband has been seeing another woman. I am heartbroken and still in shock, Husband has moved out and is living in a flat near by,He sees our children once a week. He has said he wants our children to meet his new girl friend! I do not want this at all I hate this other woman and do not want my children anywhere near her, I cant belive he even wants the children to meet her, its way to soon and im still in a mess from this whole thing. what can i do? please help

OP posts:

eightbluebirds · 30/07/2016 20:23

Nothing you can do. I'd be (as calmly as possible, don't come across an emotional mess) telling him it really is too soon and ask him to reconsider but you can't stop this happening unless you have serious concerns about your children's welfare around this woman. Do you have reason to believe she would harm the children?

bluecashmere · 30/07/2016 20:37

You can't stop it, however hard it is but I would say to him that if it's only been 6 weeks then he should be thinking about giving the children time to adjust and to avoid upset and confusion for them it would be best to wait.

SandyY2K · 30/07/2016 21:02

Can you ask him to wait a while. Till divorce is well and truly underway and he has been with her for longer and established a more permanent relationship.

SandyY2K · 30/07/2016 21:13

Could you ask him to wait until your divorce is well and truly underway?

Or to wait until he has been with her longer and established a more permanent relationship, so the children have some stability.

Just try pleading to his better nature, assuming he has one of course. Just fake niceness see if he'll delay it for another 6 months or so.

Joysmum · 30/07/2016 21:59

Tell him to google when and how to introduce children to new girlfriends and say that as a good dad, he'll be following advice for their sales rather than doing what he wants.

panegyricS1 · 30/07/2016 22:13

You can't stop him, but you can appeal to him to wait until more time has elapsed. 6w seems very quick. It's almost as if he's rubbing it in.

Choceeclair123 · 30/07/2016 22:17

Kids are going to love her??!! Wth far too soon. IMO he's being a tit.

newname99 · 30/07/2016 22:24

I'm so sorry, must be heart breaking.You can't stop the gf meeting your children as others say.In some respects letting your ex deal with his gf and children might burst the affair bubble.

How old are the children? It would be best for your ex to wait as the children would benefit from time to adjust however selfish people put themselves first!

OllyBJolly · 30/07/2016 22:37

Your children will be getting used to the break up - if your XH had a brain cell he would see that. If he wants his children to like his partner then he has to wait until the hurt/confusion settles. But it will happen.

I know how painful this is. I've been there. I would have happily murdered the OW and done time. However, it wasn't the OW who broke the wedding vows, it was my XH. That was where I had to direct my anger.

FWIW, once the dust settled, the OW became a fantastic step mum, much more use than the DC's DF.

Woodman2007 · 30/07/2016 23:07

Spoken to solicitor about this since I was worried my exH could do this. Legally you can't stop them but you can argue if it is too soon after break up then it will be too traumatic and confusing for the DCs. You have to go from the angle of their welfare. I have heard of people being able to argue this successfully as part of a separation agreement. Think they basically put in clause that for a certain amount of time after break up no new partners should be introduced to DCs. Think I also heard that you can use that they only introduce once relationship is serious. Think if you make it that the rule applies to both rather than coming across as only for him then that might help too. Shows its being fair to both of you.

mimishimmi · 31/07/2016 00:59

You can't stop him so do 't make yourself look controlling by requesting he doesn't. Just send the kids over as often as possible and the new girlfriend might just disappear

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 31/07/2016 10:15

The problem is that you can't stop this - even if you get a clause put into a court agreement there is nothing to stop him ignoring it. Then what do you do? Pay to go back to court where if you're lucky he'll get a bit of a telling off and that will be it?

As others have said, the best angle to approach this is to email him and very calmly and politely point out that it is only 6 weeks ago that the children found out that you would be divorcing. Therefore it is not appropriate to introduce another romantic interest at this stage, with the intention of trying to play happy families. Tell him that if this relationship is serious then she'll still be there in 6 months, but in the meantime it's vital that they get 100% of their Dad's attention and focus.

FayaMAMA · 31/07/2016 11:15

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. He sounds like a selfish pig.

Six weeks is so soon to introduce children to a new partner, even more so seeing as their parents have only just split as well! Like many other posters have said, you can't stop them meeting this woman; he may be with her for the rest of his life - but make sure you let him know that it is too soon for everyone involved. 6 weeks is too soon for your ex and his new woman to tell if they are committed or not, and personally I believe it's wrong to bring children into a relationship so early.

For reference: I've been seeing someone for 6 months, he split from his wife 3 years ago and we still feel it's too early to introduce our kids to each other. It will happen soon though. I recently met with his Ex to discuss it and he recently met my DDs grandma (dad is uninvolved) just to make sure that everyone is comfortable with the situation. You have to do things gradually with children, it's so important. Stand by what you believe is best for your children, OP - but make sure you're not getting caught up in what's best for you (I know it's so hard, so forgive me if you feel that was a little harsh). I hope things get better for you.

Original poster

tryandbehappy · 31/07/2016 19:16

Thank you so much everyone for your helpful advice, Im going to write him an email now and explain as calmly as i can why he must not let the children meet her yet, my daughters are 11 and 6 the 11year old hates him, and wants nothing to do with him so im not sure what to do about that.

OP posts:

Missgraeme · 31/07/2016 20:39

A house full of resentful kids is just what they need. I be she doesnt hang around for long.

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