Carrie and Big type situations, just wondering...

[LostQueen]

How often do they tend to work out in the end? I'm asking out of curiosity, not because I think my own Carrie/Big type situation is even remotely likely to have a happy ending (I have a horrendously unlucky track record when it comes to dating and relationships!) but as I'm sitting here working through my emotions, forcing myself to get "him" out of my system -again- so I can move on, I'm wondering, how often do on again/off again situations ever end up with a happy ending? I'm racking my brains but I don't think I know of any!

You just end up wasting a lot of your life. Don't do it. They either want you or they don't. I am a firm believer in that.

Believe me I've already wasted an embarrassing amount of time, I cannot do it anymore. I suppose tonight is the first time I've been completely honest with myself about the fact that it's never going to work so I'm feeling sorry for myself reflective.
I agree though itsnowornever01, someone either wants you or they don't. I guess I'm just not wanted :(

You will be wanted, just not by him. Don't stand for him messing you about.

You are romanticising the situation with the Carrie/Big comparisons

That is fiction

Your reality is far more "he's just not that into you"

Which is far more pedestrian I am afraid

Ah someone will want you, don't worry, it's just a matter of finding him. And the best way of doing hat is getting out and meeting men.

Understandable you might not feel like it right now, but if you can get some dates and have some people flirt with you it's the best ego boost.

I would imagine the odds of you ending up together are low but I can think of at least 2 married couples in my peer group (now age 40+) who were very on/off for years (early to miss twenties) but who are now married and seemingly happy

When you meet the right one it's weirdly easy. Years of angst then first date with now Dh. He liked me I liked him. No games. No angst. No issues. Married 6 months later two gorgeous girls married 12 years rarely a cross word. My advice - it really should t be that difficult. If it is something is wrong bin him.

Lol, I realise I must come across like I believe in fiction! Thats not the case, I was just using that as an example I promise.

He's just not that into me is right, I just wish he had left me alone the times I walked away previously if that's the case. I've never understood why people chase people that they don't really want, but I guess it must be an ego thing.

I wish I could believe that I'll be wanted by someone else but my history tells me otherwise unfortunately. I have other things in my life to focus on so it's not the be all and end all. I have a career, wonderful friends, active social life and most importantly, beautiful DD. This is just a blip, I just wish it wasn't getting to me.

That sounds ideal KERALA1 :) I wish I could believe that would happen for me. Having been alone for so long, I just don't believe it. I think thats why I allowed this saga to carry on for so long. A bit of a "good as it's going to get for me" type thing.

Just to clarify, he's been binned already. Just going through the motions of getting over it :(

Dangling you on a string amuses him and fills a gap when he is at a bit of a loose end

Get some self respect and decide you are worth more than that

There is no Happy Ending here for you

The more you sniff around for crumbs the less he respects you

Mine did, but I'm the only person I know and apparently we break all the rules. We got together insanely young, dated, broke up, moved apart, tried again, decided to not be monogamous due to distance, blew hot and then cold, and had one seven year relationship, a nine month break, then got back together and weirdly it all worked amazingly.

I think we always did love each other, though. We just had a lot of growing up to do. And I never felt unwanted. I just couldn't see a way that made sense for a long time.

Sorry if this isn't helpful.

AnyFucker, are you actually reading my posts?

I know there is no happy ending, I've already finished it and I'm certainly not "sniffing around for crumbs"

Just because I'm hurt about letting somebody go, doesn't mean I don't have any self respect.

Not unhelpful Tabsicle, I'm happy it worked out for you :)

I'm not even looking for "help" if that makes sense. I was just sitting here mulling over the whole situation and genuinely curious as to whether there is a happy ending to these types of situations. It's nice to know that there is :)

Yep, describing it as a Carrie/Big situation you have romanticised the situation
Just see him for the egotistical twat that he is then give your head a wobble & move onto what or whoever is next. Life is just too short to waste on shit like this.

We cross posted actually if you look at the timings

So yes, I have been reading your posts

I don't reply without reading every single one. I can't mind read though.

I am glad you have finished it. How many times did you vow to finish it before this time ?

You said yourself it has been on/off. Make this the final "off" and don't let anyone else take the piss.

I don't even know why we worked and other people didn't. Maybe mutual stubbornness.

I dumped my mr big the only one who "got" me (or so I thought with hindsight utter crap) and was alone for 6 months before meeting Dh. Thank god I did end it or would never have met Dh who is far better in every single way.

Indeed. No decent bloke would come anywhere near if it is clear you ate hung up on someone else.

Instead of feeling hurt about "letting him go" reflect upon why you spent so much time with someone like that. Sort out your twat radar and self esteem before dating again.

Bolshier, I haven't romanticised it in that respect, just used a point of reference to describe the on/off nature. I think I've I'd truly romanticised it, I'd still be hanging on hoping it would work out. It's never going to, and even if he "came back" now 100% ready to commit, everything is now tainted to me because of how I've been left feeling.

So all contact has been cut, all messages/numbers/social media etc deleted. It is natural to need to get over something though I'm sure, even if you know you never meant as much to them as they meant to you.

I'm not sure why the fact that I'm getting over someone automatically equates to me having no self esteem? I can assure you thats not the case.

They always say all that stuff about counselling and low self esteem, don't worry about it. I get what your saying.

Thanks Itsnowornever01 :)

It's not a self esteem issue at all, I just never seem to find myself situations that are going to work out as far as relationships are concerned. I'm always the one that walks away and ends it once I realise this though because I'm fundamentally aware of my self worth. I know what it's like to have no self esteem or sense of worth, I'm no where near in that place now and haven't been for quite some time!

I think you're kidding yourself. you're not as resolute as you say you are because you're still mulling it over.

Some of us are just thinkers and mullers though