AIBU to feel upset?

[Norky1975]

DP was contacted about two years ago by someone he had recently worked with, saying she had moved into the area and could they go for a drink - naturally I wasn't happy with this, she knew he was with me and I just knew she had an agenda. Messages very familiar, lots of kisses on the end of her messages and I just didn't like her tone. Apparently she used to talk to DP about her relationship woes a lot.
To cut a long story short, she has popped up on his Facebook this week calling him "lovely" and her posts to him ending with her stinking kisses again. She has blocked me so I can't see her posts - I only found out through my closest girlfriend. Called him on it yesterday and he's totally over reacted.
He says there's nothing in it and I think I believe him, but this morning he's been very off with me, and thinks I'm the one in the wrong

Unless there is a massive back story then you are over reacting.

She has previous form. Married but questioning it within months, chasing after rich surgeons. I find it strange that a woman would bare her soul to a bloke she hardly knows from work.

Based on what you have said I would say you over reacted.

You say you 'called him on it' , what do you mean? He didn't write the message, there was nothing to call him on. What did you say to him?

The only concerning thing is that she has blocked you. What led to her blocking you?

No idea

Yes, but its not your DP' s fault that someone has contacted him.

I think the question you have to ask yourself is whether you actually trust your dp? This woman can message all she likes, it's how he reacts to them that matters.

You're not unreasonable to be miffed knowing the type of woman she is.
I think your DP would be the same if a man with the same history did this.

I don't know how you called him on it, but I would have told my DP that someone told me about the post as they thought it was inappropriate (the kisses and based on her form). I'd leave the rest with him.

My dad always said a word was enough for a wise man.

Do you know she's blocked you or could her privacy settings just be set to private ?

I think you've massively overreacted.

Are you wanting him to cut all contact with the woman? If so having approval over who he talks to because that person might fancy him is IMO pretty controlling behaviour.

If I'm honest I would agree with you op!
I wouldn't trust her intentions, if she just wants friendship with your dp then why block you??
I wonder if your dp would encourage this if the role was reversed?

I dont think you are overreacting.
If her interest in your husband was innocent why block his wife so you cannot see what she writes to him. That is not normal behaviour.

Its got nothing to do with controlling behaviour (unless maybe you have history for being insecure around his female friends) its about being alert to real life threats to your marriage that exist. This is not a long term friend with good intentions, this is a vague work colleague who does not have honourable intentions to your husband (if she did she would not have "blocked" his wife)

The sad thing is that whilst your husband may not have done anything wrong, instead of seeing this woman as a threat to your marriage and uniting together to put a stop to it, he is attacking you instead. However the same could be said for you in relation to you saying you "called him on it"

It would be better if you could both sit down and discuss like adults what you can do as a couple to prevent this woman coming between you again and if that means him cutting all contact with her then so be it, whilst no, you shouldnt dictate whom your spouse can be friends with, shes an old work colleague not a long term friend, it shouldnt be that difficult a choice for him to make.

I used to have lots of male friends through work and when I became single those who had women in their lives pretty much all but disappeared.

This was pretty upsetting as I had two very close male colleagues who really helped me see the light when I was in a very EA relationship, I was so grateful to them for letting me see that good men exsited and that is not how women should be treated, this still did not make me want to "throw myself" at them or any other man for that point and it was very much a brother/sister relationship that was formed, it was very upsetting they couldn't be my "friends" anymore as it was very much plutonic in both my and their view, they very much were in love with their OH.

However, if I had of been friends with their OH on FB, during that time - some i knew some I didn't / work colleagues I I would never have blocked them as I had nothing to hide.

Why has she blocked you? Either there is some back story there (have you warned her off?) or she fancies him and doesn't want you too see what she sends him.

But just because she fancies him (if that's what it is; I still suspect a back story) that doesn't mean he's done anything wrong.

I agree with you op. And blocking you on facebook is a guilty as can be😩
Suggest that you all go out as a 3 and if he is shifty and says it isn't a good idea you have your answer.

Go with your gut feeling,it's usually right.

Does seem a bit odd too me. Don't think your overreacting. I think it's all down to weather u trust dp. Maybe if she really wanted to meet up u could all go somewhere together and maybe get to know her. Surely there's no harm In that!!

Blocked you?
I would be really upset as well. Fine that she is the one sending the messages and not him, but he has to make it stop. Unfriend her, block her, ghost her... Whatever.
You are not overreacting.