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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Full of shit apparently

28 replies

Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:14

So this afternoon 4 of us were out chatting and I was relaying a recent story which involved something my husband had done only he doesn't like it if he's the source of amusement, although he's more than happy to dish out plenty of ridicule! But then, in front of the other couple he announced how I'm full of shit. When I pulled him up on that later and made it clear I won't be spoken to like that, his response was to tell me to make sure I tell the truth then (er I had been but nicely turned around back onto me!) so I'm wondering what other wives would do or how they would respond if their husband announced publicly they were full of shit?! Apparently I'm over sensitive for not liking being spoken to like it!

OP posts:
thepothasboiledover · 10/07/2016 20:15

Your husband sounds like a childish dick

Chottie · 10/07/2016 20:17

OP - your DH does not sound a very kind or caring man......

CalleighDoodle · 10/07/2016 20:17

I dont think saying youre full of shit is the issue. You were ridiculing him in front of friends and you said he regulalry does the same. You dont respect each other. Why are you still married?

Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:19

I agree he's a childish dick. So much so that when I pointed out he was being rude and childish he started pointedly sucking his thumb loudly. Absolute arsehole!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:20

CalleighDoodle I wasn't ridiculing him. We were talking about a walk we did when he disappeared into a bog which was terrifying at the time but funny now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:21

Although I agree with wondering why we are still married! Probably because I can't divorce him until we've achieve a whole year of marriage!

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 10/07/2016 20:24

You knew he would hate this conversation yet you instigated it??

Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:28

Mumontheruncatchingup no I didn't instigate the conversation, nothing was intentional. I was simply relaying what I saw happen, he then changed the story to make it look different and announced I was full of shit

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:29

It's not the first time he's been rude to me, it's a regular occurrence and to be perfectly honest I'm at the end of the line with it all

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 20:31

In fact it's reached the stage I'm actually keeping a journal which is highlighting a regular fortnightly cycle in him behaving like an arsehole towards me

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 10/07/2016 20:51

You both sound like you don't like each other

BolshierAryaStark · 10/07/2016 20:52

Oh dear, keeping a journal on his rudeness to you is just not good.
I think you're more than aware of what needs to be done.
Cannot stand people that can take the piss but hate having it ripped out of themselves, pathetic.

LuluJakey1 · 10/07/2016 21:37

Just leave. Get it over with. It will never work- neither of you want it to enough.

Walkacrossthesand · 10/07/2016 21:45

You might not be able to divorce him until you've been married a year, but you can separate and stop functioning as a couple.

Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 21:59

That's true walkacrossthesand must admit that hadn't actually occurred to me, thank you

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 10/07/2016 22:05

It sounds as if he could have a tendency to be controlling and abusive. Do any of these sound familiar?

Signs of emotional abuse

Warning signs of abuse

The Abuser Profiles

whattodowiththepoo · 10/07/2016 22:08

You both sound miserable, end it and move on.

NameChange30 · 10/07/2016 22:16

Well I looked up your other threads and I was right. Emotional and financial abuse.

What would you like from us? Do you want to split up and if so what do you need to make that happen? Emotional support, practical advice, a kick up the bum?!

Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 22:47

Hey anotheremma. I don't know where to start or what to think. 6 years ago I escaped a relationship I'd been for a couple of years that was emotionally and verbally abusive when the day finally arrived when he hit me (it was also the day after my mothers funeral but that's a whole other story!). By the time this happened I'd already been to counselling to seek help and the strength to leave (we lived together and he'd goad me about how that meant I had no escape) and had been warned to be careful because things would potentially become violent when he realised I was going to end things and they were right, it did. I'd never experienced abuse up until this point, I had absolutely no idea that was what had even been happening. When the realisation first sank in it hit me like an absolute ton of bricks, it totally shook me. I'm actually very strong and independent with my own house, a good jobs and lots of fantastic friends. When I look back at how that period of time practically destroyed me and how much I struggled to get through not only dealing with my mums death but the after effects of the abuse and the fear I lived in while I was trying to buy my ex out of the property (I was diagnosed with PTSD at the time) it's a place I have no idea how I came out the other side and somewhere I never want to return to. As a result I think there's a very large part of my brain that is so firmly entrenched in denial that I could be so stupid as to put myself in a similar position again so it's not even a case of realising and accepting it. I think my head is so desperate to protect me from that dark place it won't let me go back there by acknowledging I'm possibly there again, if that makes any sense whatsoever?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 10/07/2016 22:51

Anotheremma, in terms of practicalities I know what I need to do and how to manage everything. I think it's the emotional support, the kick up the bum perhaps! It's the validation that what I'm thinking is right all over again, just as I was looking for when I sought out counselling towards the end of my last abusive relationship. I needed a reasonable rational person to reassure me that I wasn't wrong in thinking it was just all wrong, needed my understanding of it all validated I guess

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 11/07/2016 13:54

You were taking the piss out of him in front of others (not necessarily in a nasty way but to him it clearly felt you were trying to make him look a prick, male pride and all that) he responded in kind. No respect on either side and simmering resentment on both I would say. Talk it out or separate.

eloelo · 11/07/2016 14:18

He is getting a kick out of putting you down in public. This IS emotional abuse.

Original poster
Flossy1971 · 11/07/2016 14:22

Lesismiaersble for the record, no, I was not taking the piss out of him in front of his friends. We were talking about the walk and how he ended up waist deep in a bog, the most I did was contribute as to what I saw at the time, which incidentally was terrifying for me given we were in the middle of nowhere. Regardless, it does not warrant being spoken to that way. It's not the first time and I've told him previously when he's told me to 'shut the f&ck up' that if he speaks to me that way again our future is questionable and here he is doing it all over again. And yes it is abuse because there is a pattern to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossy1971 · 11/07/2016 14:23

Thank you eloelo and yes you are right. His dad does the same thing to his mum, so much so that I find it difficult to be around them. And that's his role model!

OP posts:
Lis1974 · 11/07/2016 14:28

I say if it's good enough for him to give it out he needs be big enough to also take it, but unfortunately like alot of men they turn things around to make you look bad and feel bad. Sometimes I feel I can not do right for doing wrong even tho done nothing wrong. Some men just need to grow up and stop attention seeking like a little boy.