Male/female friendships

[summersunshineaddict]

Naturally I tend to have friendships with the opposite sex and I always have. I noticed lately that DP has sort of taken over those friendships and I have stepped back a little (none of it intentionally on my part - I have no idea whether its intentional on his). They're still my friends but he will probably spend more time with them than I would.

Recently I have made some new friends of the opposite sex and he isn't really very happy about it and he's also been funny about some of my older friendships. They're in LTR and I know the partners too, personally I have no issue with his friendship with anyone female as I trust him.

Am I unfair to think its OK to have friendships with men, I don't want to lose my friends as they make me laugh and I enjoy spending time with them as I would female friends. There is no romantic spark there at all.

How have you met these new male friends? And how do you socialise with them?

If you met them at work, and now you're FB friends/go out in large groups - fine

If you met a guy at the gym, and you've met up, just you and him (new friend) for drinks - not so fine.

IMO.

I have no issues with him having female friends.

No I don't go for drinks or anything with them, just people I run into regularly so have got to know.

Previous partners have always just acceptEd it's who I am so I've found this harder to deal with

If your OH bumped into someone that looked like Angelina Jolie, got to know her, started hanging around withnher and going for coffee with her etc.

Would you still be okay with that?

Imagine if you were a bit self conscious about yourself, insecure about your appearance, maybe a bit over weight, hair a bit thin, clothes a bit drab and boring and then your oh met someone as a friend who was totally opposite to that? How would you feel then?

Its usualy insecurity that causes men to have these issues. He'll likely consider himself quite lucky to be with you, probably wonders why you are, probably might think you could do better amd worries thst you might just meet better. Iyswim.

I wonder if hes ever been cheated on or maybe hes been a cheater?
Either way, hes insecure and worried you're going to leave by the sounds of it.

I understand every point you're making Flaccid, but why is that the OP's problem?

Genuinely asking not goading btw.

He's pretty confident in himself usually. As long as he's not up to no good with someone else I am perfectly happy and I trust him not to be.

I've never cheated on anyone either, if I had then I might be more understanding

If the DP's insecurities are making him jealous then this is something which he and OP need to discuss rather than him suddenly starting to have issues with her male friendships.

It's not IMO the friendships which are the issue, it's how they play out, so if there are feelings on either side then this is something which people need to consider.

Me and DP have a male friend who we regularly socialise with, but due to the fact he lives closer to me I have more contact with him than DP, and once or twice I have met up with him for a drink or lunch. DP knows and has no issue with that what so ever. I also looked after his dog when he went away and he A, had dinner here before setting off on his travels, and B, when he came back to fetch the dog it was gone 10:00 at night so he slept on my couch. (He doesn't drive and uses public transport so travelling back late at night was problematic.).

DP has never had issue with this at all. but if he did, I would want him to tell me, and also to try to explain what the issue was so that we could work through it together rather than it causing conflict.

The only solution DP can see is me to not have the friendships I think

Have you asked him why the sudden problem? Are they texting you/ringing you more than normal. Could they be flirting and you haven't picked up on it but he has. Seems strange one day he'd just wake up and want you to end the friendships something has triggered it.

The issue isn't insecurity, it's mistrust. The fact is that a partner who has an issue with friendships with the opposite sex does not trust YOU to say 'no' if a friend made a move.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't trust me.

Something whether his insecurity or a vibe from you is making him mistrustful. I have several male friends - colleagues, former colleagues and friends of DH and no issue. Used to go to the movies frequently with one as we had similar taste and DH wasn't bothered but all living in different countries now. DH doesn't have many female friends outside of work here but if he did that's cool too. At the same time I do know couples who don't have opposite sex friends...