Please please help me LTB

[Andtheskywasmadeofamethysts]

My partner is a total cunt. Together 16 years. Unhappy for most. Never able to leave as took me a good while to realise how dysfunctional it all is. Very long story.
He is a weed addict. This is his main priority in life. He hasn't worked for the past six years. Initially due to an illness but now due to bone idleness. His whole family thinks that the world owes them a living. We have five DC. The situation is now affecting them so I have no choice. I work full time, we are so broke that I cannot afford to eat sometimes. The house is Kim and Aggie level dirty..the cooker has one working ring and a grill. The fridge is barely keeping food chilled. He does nothing but berates me for the state of the place. I hate him. I am ill but can't take time off because he will just do nothing at all and I will have no money. More later ,have to put dcs to bed

What's your housing situation? Are you married?

Council house, not married. Not in the UK but have dual nationality.

I have no family that can help me. I cannot give up my job. My friends are good but they all have there own stuff with familys etc. I really need to save more money so I can afford to put him out. Childcare is the only thing he contributes, keeps them fed and plonks them into front of tv/tablet

Where is your own family? Can you ask them for help?

My father died recently. My mother is a little bit narcissistic, and my sister couldn't give a proverbial about anyone other than herself. Hence why I ended up like this... My mother knows well what he's like but takes his side or minimises his behaviours- after all I am a difficult person. 🤔

Try your friends. Even if they have 'their own stuff' they may want to help in some way. Even if it's just a shoulder to cry on. You say you're not in the UK, but there must be some type of women's assistance program where you are. Look into that. Just because he isn't violent (at least you haven't said so) doesn't mean that you aren't living in an abusive atmosphere.

Is there a possibility of you being the one to leave? Just saying nothing and going? Do you earn enough to rent somewhere else? I think I'd rather take 5 children to a 2 bed flat and sleep on the sofa than stay where you are. It'd be one less (big fat) mouth to feed, one less habit to support. You may even realize enough to provide the childcare you need once he isn't squandering your money on weed and other bullshit.

Does he have access to your earnings (i.e. a joint bank account)?

Jesus. I'm in work and he's screaming down the phone at me.. Saying I left nothing for kids lunches.. There's plenty there for them. 12 year old dd had to get her siblings up and dressed cos the pig wouldn't get out of bed. He says if I organised finances better this wouldn't happen. He has spent 800 euros on weed in the last 4.weeks

How did he get 800 Euros?

He has his unemployment payments..
Or he gets it on tick. .

Would you have more money if you put him out? He sounds expensive.

When I was a teenager, about 17, I looked after some kids after school for a local divorced mum a couple of times a week for a year. Her exH was a useless alcoholic. It was just afternoon babysitting and I gave them beans on toast or something for dinner. They did their homework, I did mine, I was cheap, it was better than being at home for me, we watched a lot of TV, played a lot of board games and played football in the garden. Could you get some help like that?

Yeah maybe.. It's just such a mess. I'm exhausted.Kids misbehaving and I know it's because of how toxic things are at home..everything just takes so much energy. I'm constantly on edge wondering WTF will happen next. He lurches from crisis to crisis.