Ex accused me of stealing a £5 voucher from him - now expects to play happy families at the school fete!

[piperchapman44]

Just that really. Had a text to say he'd reported to the company who'd sent it that his bloody £5 voucher they'd posted him had gone missing - and that they were checking whether it had been cashed - insinuating that I'd stolen it (as he still gets his bloody post sent here) - then another text to say he'd come to the school fete today with us! I've said not a chance we're both going.

Just that really. Needed to rant. He's constantly accusing me of stealing things, it's unbelievable really - he doesn't pay maintenance, because I haven't asked for it as still in the family home while he pays rent (no mortgage) - but he's the one asking me to delay divorcing. It's starting to make me feel sick with how much I detest him. Seems to think I;m constantly intercepting his post which is utter bollocks.

Send him a text saying that you are happy to redirect his post. If he won't agree to it then just put NOT KNOWN AT THS ADDRESS on the envelope and put it in the post box. He'll soon get his act together.

If he insists on attending the fete than let him go alone with the kids. Stay at home drinking tea and eating chocolate.

Resolve to engage with him less and less.

Sorry this is happening OP - things will get better.

Why is he making all the decisions - take some control back and get the divorce and maintenance sorted out. And tell him you'll mark his post 'unknown at this address' and send it back until he notifies everyone.

Why are you putting up with this shit from the tosser?

oh my that's a marvellous idea re the post. Got some here now, will do so now ! hurrah.

I texted back to say he could take her, he's with her at the mo (had originally said he didn't want to go to the fete, (it involves being nice to other people), so he's replied saying he;s told her he will drop her off with me (late) as mummy doesn't want daddy to come. tosser.

I am ready to go with divorce, forms done, am waiting till after summer hols now as I don't want to impact on dd as she has 3 weeks with him , but will be posting it off the last week of summer hols and getting my sol to write to him to open financial negotiations. Should have done it ages ago agreed. He's going to fight me for every penny and wants 50% so I was trying to save some £ but sol has told me I can get legal aid at court as he has a caution for attacking me - so now i feel more ready to fight. (I know i can get legal aid sol but want a good one who will fight for me).

will redirect post today and tell him that he has a week to change addresses or it all gets sent back unknown.

going to spend tomorrow when he is with dd packing up everything else of his that remains in this house into boxes so I don't have to see his shit

If you are in receipt of any benefit or tax credits you are opening yourself up to problems by having your ex use your address for mail. He needs to redirect asap...and change his address with the DVLA, go on the electoral role at his new address etc

I've also got an email ready to go for tomorrow night telling him we're doing every other weekend from now on - he can have her fri- mon which is going to mean he picks her up from school and drops her off on the monday which means I don't have to see him and he will actually have to feed her properly and make her a lunch for the monday/ wash her uniform - at the moment he kicks up an almighty stink if she has a party or playdate on "his" day at the weekend. This way if she has a party one day he can't complain as has rest of weekend with her - and more to the point she doesn't have to put up with watching our interactions which are not good.

We still share the car. It's becoming a PITA because he is definitely trying to control me through it - i.e. sometimes I don't get it back when he brings dd which means i have to change plans, it's always got no petrol in it, filthy etc.

I'd like to buy myself my own one (need a totally fresh start including new furniture and new car - mentally it's all associated with him) , but I'm worried it will end up being a joint asset as still married. My parents don't drive but if they bought it and insured me on it would that work - can they still own a car if they don't have a licence? and would that protect it from him owning half? would have to ask them to lend me the £ anyway. Would be a start in that I would have something of my own - house will taken longer obviously but I want to sell as soon as humanely possible following divorce.

and while i'm here.. water bill is in his sole name - i pay it now by dd. They won;t take his name off without his say so. Can I do anything about this? He's paid house insurance too and is in his sole name and same applies but at least i'm not paying for that.

He's now texted saying he will take her for half the time and then I can take over for the second half of the fete. Oh, and that I'm "pathetic".

Yes, your parents can buy themselves a car, put you on the insurance and then lend the car to you forever. He will have no rights to it at all. It does matter that your parents can't drive.

He is dragging your dd home halfway through the event so you can do 'your share'?
It doesn't sound like you are the pathetic one!

Yes, your parents can buy you a car. They can be the owners but you can be the registered keeper, and you could have insurance and tax in your name but the vehicle wouldn't belong to you (similar to having a lease or company vehicle).

To get him off your water bill, cancel the dd with the bank. Let at least one payment bounce, then contact them and say exh has moved out, and is no longer paying it. Offer to set up a new account and dd. They are more than likely to agree to this as otherwise they won't be getting paid and will have to enforce payment with your exh, which is a lot more difficult than setting up a new account.
The home insurance policy you can change at renewal, just go with a different company and get a quote in your name only.

Brilliant, will talk to my folks.

At same time as telling him that he has to stop his post coming here I;ll let him know that he has to take his name off the water or i'll stop paying it, he's convinced I;m running up all sorts of debts that he is liable too so that'll soon get him acting... Will tell water company that I will do that also unless they set up a new account in my name.

It's going to feel so nice to tell him he can keep the bloody car (he's on at me to pay half the service / mot /insurance all due now - and considering he won;t even buy dd birthday presents - I'm refusing).

Go to the post office and arrange for a redirection of his post. There is a small charge but that way all his post will no longer be falling on your mat. Don't tell him, just do it. He will soon work it out when his post starts to arrive.

I;ve added to my email about changing contact to EOW :

He needs to redirect his post or I will return to sender so he can no longer accuse me of stealing it - he has a week to sort this

He needs to take his name off the water bill as after this month I will no longer pay the dd for that account

He can use the sodding car as I will get my own one as we shouldn't be sharing a car as we are no longer together. Will leave the fact my parents will own it to tell him when he tries to claim half of it in the divorce.

Don't tell him about the car at all. None of his business. And you may have a claim on half of the car so don't put anything in writing about giving up a claim to it.

Just quietly stop asking to use the shared one.

DD will tell him I've bought one. But yes, can just let it sit there when he returns it until he picks up on the fact I've got one. I don't think it's registered in my name anyway, like everything else wasn't.

He's refused to buy DD presents this year for her birthday because he's taken her on 3 holidays btw Jan and end of the summer and has no ££.

Even if it is in his name, it is still an asset of the marriage. Don't say anything to him about it.

Yes, DD will tell him (and she doesn't need to know that your parents have bought it, just that you have a new car) but that is between them.

And don't ever put stuff about relinquishing assets in writing. That is for your solicitor to sort.