What's the best way to say it?

[DontLookForShootingStars]

My first post but I've been following the Not Awful But Unsatisfying Marriages thread for ages...

To those brave souls who found the courage to make the break, how did you tell actually tell your partners it was over? I'm all churned up every day waiting for the right moment to say it and overthinking the best way to say it... what words worked for you and what reaction did you get?

He was in my face screaming at me that he was going to take the kids and see me destitute cos he didnt like the lunch Id made him for work. I told him that my lawyer said that would never happen. He didnt know I was planning on filing for divorce.. He stopped dead looked at me and said Youve seen a lawyer. I told him yes and he couldnt just take my kids off me. He called his mother and told her we were getting a divorce then went to work.Nice calm beginning before the storm that was to follow. Got rid of him though so it was worth it

Hi.
After 2 years of relate counselling I told my Dh that I couldn't do it anymore. That I didn't love him anymore.
That was 2 years ago. Married for 25 years. He was ea, controlling and jealous and a liar. I realised that he would never change. We are now going through a horrendous divorce involving barristers and court.
But I don't regret telling him. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

You have one life - this. Isn't a dress rehearsal. Do what will make you happy.

I told them, they didn't listen & assumed I was barking.

I wrote it down, they read it & knew then, I was biting.

No empty threats. Just direct, brutally honest & to the point.

Best decision I've ever made

I worked up to it for ages, giving myself ultimatums that if he wheeled out his shitty passive-aggressive EA behaviour one more time I would have to tell him. One evening he did and as the kids were asleep I bit the bullet and basically told him I had promised myself if it happened again it would be over, so it was over. I told him I could not do the relationship any more and I wanted to be single from that moment on, and that was how he should think of me.

He didn't really believe me and carried on entirely as normal (typically for him - never really listens.) So I had to have several more conversations along the same lines. It took a few weeks for him to start believing me, but now he's on board with making plans to sell the house and get our own places. He's not happy but I think it's finally, finally made him realise I meant it the 100,000+ times I tried to explain to him that his behaviour was making me miserable.

Good luck OP.

Thank you. I think I'm just waiting for something to happen to give me an excuse to blurt it out and I really just need to say it clearly and calmly. He's a nice man and I think we're better off saving our friendship than our marriage, so I told him today that we need to have a talk about how things are between us when DS isn't around, but I don't quite know what to say next!