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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No contact from family.

10 replies

coco1810 · 02/06/2016 18:29

After being generally fed up with being the one to maintain communications with my siblings and parents, I decided to see how long it would be for them to contact me. So far, it two months. Despite having access to Facebook, Whatsapp, email or text...... Nothing. I feel really insignificant. I also feel really hurt for my dc as they have no extended family by me. It's like we don't exist.

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 02/06/2016 18:30
Sad Gosh that's awful Have you got nice in laws?
Original poster
coco1810 · 02/06/2016 18:39

No, is the simple answer. There is just me, DP and DC (and the dog!). I just feel really insignificant at the moment. I just keep thinking what the heck have I done wrong to be treated this way?

OP posts:
ComeOnKenneth · 02/06/2016 19:46

How are your relationships with them, OP? When you make the running, I mean?

I feel for you, that is hard - but sadly, not uncommon. My DF does this too - I haven't heard from him since mid April. Flowers for you.

Debsrocks · 02/06/2016 19:53

My parents are like this. They expected me to phone every 2/3 days and got in a rage or gave me the silent treatment if I didn't. When I suggested they phone me sometimes my mother said "we don't have to, we're the parents". I went very low contact 5 years ago (this wasn't the only reason) I now text from time to time to arrange to meet for dinner but only phone once or twice a year, they never phone me.

heavenlypink · 02/06/2016 20:09

For various reasons I no longer instigate contact with my mum either. Three weeks is usually her limit. I know she has pretty much daily contact one with or another with my sister. It used to bother me but I've reached a point where I don't care. Always felt like the elephant in the room so it's better for my mental health this way. It is hard, my DS is 19 and has a learning disability, OH family (despite being large) are on the whole a bunch of selfish idiots who I am mainly no contact with too.

Original poster
coco1810 · 02/06/2016 21:15

When I contact my parents, they are very chatty and ask after everyone and when I see them (we live some distance away from parents and siblings) they are just "my parents". No drama, no nothing. But they don't ever instigate any communication. Its always me.

My sibling always seems to treat us like an inconvenience when we see them. I always feel like we are being rushed out of the door. Same as any phone conversation. I have felt like sibling thinks their is something wrong with my kids, but now I just know they are two boisterous kids and my DN is not like that.

Sibling also makes it difficult to wish DN happy birthday. Not answering phone or text messages, and gifts I have sent DN for Easter, lets say are not mentioned.

It makes me sad because I have no extended family at all and didn't growing up. Now my DC will have the same.

OP posts:
heavenlypink · 02/06/2016 21:28

I totally understand what you mean about the phone conversations. There's no "chat" with my mum, in fact it's almost like she has a list that she ticks off. If I'm honest I'm terrified for the (my DS) future and who will be there for him when I'm gone. I have one niece who I have contact with and I hope if/when he support is needed she will be there for him, but for now I try not to think about it.

Original poster
coco1810 · 02/06/2016 22:09

That's really sad to hear heavenlypink. I am an absolute mess with this tonight, have cried in the staff toilets twice already. Its going to be a very long night. Apart of me wants to confront them, but a part of me realizes that they probably will deny all knowledge of cutting me out. My lovely DP has had MH issues which had a bit of a set back lately and it's made me realise how alone I am.

OP posts:
heavenlypink · 02/06/2016 22:41

I've been there with the tears and the meltdowns coco1810 It still gets to me sometimes when I hear how much time she has spent with my Dsis and my DN. I have had counselling and this was one of the issues that came up. It sounds awful but I can't be bothered to put in the effort anymore, my life has too many complications. I did confront once, but it didn't work for long. It's been about a month since I last saw them, I meant to be seeing them this weekend but DS is poorly ...... I'm guessing they won't be making the effort to call and see us if I cancel.

Be good to yourself and your DP - it sound like he could do with your support Wineor Brew with Cake and/or Flowers

ComeOnKenneth · 03/06/2016 07:34

Could you talk to your sibling about how you feel re: DN? Or perhaps have a conversation with DParents about how alone you're feeling and how you'd appreciate some support right now? (Instead of how hurt you feel that they don't make the effort?)

Sorry you're feeling so upset. Do you have any friends you could talk to about your DP who can provide support? MH issues are hard on partners. A lot of charities and MH services offer support to partners too - perhaps you could try contacting one of them? Flowers

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