Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why won't he admit he cheated

23 replies

Feelbroken2016 · 02/06/2016 13:09

My partner of 7 yrs has been cheating on me for 6 months with his ex partner (- they were not officially together it was when we were on a break but I don't know what else to call it).

He has been going round to have sex multiple times a week and weekends. I thought he was "working late". I did some investigating and managed to meet up with her last week. I have no reason to believe she is lying she seemed shocked and genuine and activities match events that he didn't tell me about. One example is that we went away for the wkend and she turned up at his house looking for him as she was worried he had an accident, on that day I Remeber that he rushed back to drop me home couldn't stay and went to his and wouldn't tell me what was so urgent. He was really angry as he was rushing to drop me off and this is obviously why.

He has denied everything and said I am stupid for believing her. She knew about a perfume of mine in his house. He claims he told her it was mine on the phone while he was tidying up. Obviously a lie.

He broke up with me saying he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust him and believe his side of things. I am foolish to belive it he is sick of repeating himself and she wants to break us up. We haven't spoken since. I am really heartbroken and it would have helped me to process the emotions if he admitted it. Is it common for men to just deny this forever?

OP posts:
seeyounearertime · 02/06/2016 13:12

Why won't he admit he cheated

What difference will it make if he does? why do you care?

he's gone, you move on and be happy and forget it. Him admitting to it wont change anything really.

Rightho · 02/06/2016 13:51

What difference will it make if he does? why do you care?

That is a bit harsh Seeyounearer. It would confirm to the OP that she was right and wasn't being "gaslighted" into believing she was an irrational, untrustworthy woman who unnecessarily caused the break up by exposing him as a cheat.

Also for many people, knowing the truth is a form of closure - so it's not really that irrational to want to know or to care what the truth was.

Is it common for men to just deny this forever?

Feelbroken - God yes! It depends on the man but the starting point is that a cheater is untrustworthy on some level. So you are starting from the premise that they are (1) selfish and (2) a liar.

Men caught cheating rarely admit it anyway as a form of self preservation. They will admit the minimum they can get away with based on what evidence they are presented with.

It's better for him he doesn't admit it - because in his mind, it leaves the door open for him with you in future if/when he decides he wants a re-tread of the sex. Watch out for that. Men like that will often try for a free shag/shags no strings with an ex they know likes them.

It sucks - but time does heal!

hellsbellsmelons · 02/06/2016 14:13

They always deny it.
It's the script.
Try not to dwell on it.
You know what happened.
He's ended it which is great.
Now block him and delete him from all social media.
Get your life back on track and find someone who won't cheat and lie.
You know you deserve better.

Laus13 · 02/06/2016 14:35

My ex (serial cheater) told me 'deny everything always' and
'Admit only what they know.'
Nice of him to share really. Means you've no confirmation of anything until you find text messages and restaurant receipts...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/06/2016 14:57

Like the problem was your lack of trust, not ex's lack of trustworthiness!

No contact is a good thing OP especially as he won't admit to any wrongdoing.

I expect he is too used to you giving, him taking.

Be good to yourself, surround yourself with kind, decent people.

Original poster
Feelbroken2016 · 02/06/2016 15:44

Thanks, it's really for closure to know the Truth and why he did it.

No receipts as they never went out, I wanted to ask her for screen shots not that I need evidence but that is something that cannot be argued.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 02/06/2016 15:47

and why he did it
Because he's a lying cheating scumbag!
Simple really.

If you think she will agree then ask her for screen shots.
But you really don't need it.
He's shown you who he is.
Block and ignore!

TheNaze73 · 02/06/2016 16:51

Why do you want him to admit it? What's done is done.

Think I'm being a bit thick here but, were you together at any stage when he was cheating?? You say you weren't when he started, yet have been together 7 years. Sorry if I missed something

Original poster
Feelbroken2016 · 02/06/2016 19:29

Yes we were together for the past 6 months when he's been doing it. He met and saw the girl originally when me and him broke up but we got back together after.

Well I got the screenshots, before I sent them he said "well is my number there" and then when I sent them he blocked me and called was angry with me for being in touch with OW!!! I don't know how someone can behave like this. It's like I didn't know him at all. It feels painful that I won't know why or get an apology.

OP posts:
maz210 · 02/06/2016 19:41

He's definitely been cheating, you know that. He's just too cowardly to admit it.

You're well rid of him, although it may not feel like it right now. Flowers for you, hope the pain eases soon. Don't take him back.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/06/2016 20:37

Why he did do it? That's such a weird question to want answered. He fancied her, she was up for it, he thought he could get away with it, he didn't care about being faithful to you. It really is that simple. It is always that simple.

Do you mean "what did I fail to give him that drove the poor darling into another woman's arms"?

No, no, no.

He's just a normal cheating twat who thinks it is OK for men to cheat as long as they don't get caught.

You could have been the world's most perfect girlfriend and he'd still have played away because he thinks that's OK. You could have been the world's most vile girlfriend and he could have dumped you then taken up with someone else but he didn't.

Closure comes from knowing he was always this way inclined but you just didn't realise it because he hid it so well partly because he was totally happy with lying to you because he's a bad 'un.

DoloresRomano · 18/01/2021 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KirstenBlest · 18/01/2021 19:42

He's denying it because he 'wasn't cheating', 'you were on a break', 'it was your fault', blah blah blah

The script.Bin him.

Raidblunner · 18/01/2021 19:51

Your never going to get his version of events for closure. You know in your heart what's happening! However long it takes to get over this idiot has to be done and move forward to someone who will appreciate you!

Theonethatgotawayawayaway · 19/01/2021 14:31

He won’t admit it because then he’ll have to take responsibility for damaging the relationship. Move on and be happy, theres absolutely no point in trying to understand why cheaters cheat and it’s likely that if he does admit anything he’ll play it down so it doesn’t look so bad.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/01/2021 14:37

Well I got the screenshots, before I sent them he said "well is my number there"

He actually thought you would be stupid enough to believe it wasn't him and that his ex had cooked it up as "revenge". Just think about that and how little he respects you.

Do you feel you have enough "closure" (which honestly is an arbitrary concept) to start moving on now?

Just going by his reaction you are WELL out of this and you will get to a place where you start to feel grateful that you dodged a bullet Flowers

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/01/2021 14:40

He broke up with me saying he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust him and believe his side of things

Lovely bit of deflection going on there Hmm

No doubt he lied because he enjoyed keeping the two of you dangling; however, now he feels you've "spoiled it for him" so it has to be made your fault

What a loser ...

ahsan · 19/01/2021 16:24

Dump the piece of crap be thankful he broke up with you, he will only do the same thing to her anyway let her have the so called prize find a better man

ravenmum · 19/01/2021 16:37

Is it common for men to just deny this forever?
Most do. They don't even want to admit it to themselves that they've done anything wrong - so manage to persuade themselves that their partner is. That makes them very convincing - even if you have read emails between them and their AP describing what they got up to, they'll still manage to make you doubt it!

KeziaOAP · 19/01/2021 17:54

OP was last on her thread in 2016 Hmm

sickofit39 · 20/01/2021 21:25

@KeziaOAP

OP was last on her thread in 2016 Hmm
Oh 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 that's hilarious 😂 Never spotted that
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2021 01:07

I suspect yet another spammer, they do love a ZOMBIE

ahsan · 22/01/2021 16:29

😂

New posts on this thread. Refresh page