What actually is an affair anyway?

[swimmingforsanity]

The subject says it all really - what is an affair to you? Is it sex? Is it emotional intimacy? What is it ok for your husband / partner / wife to do and not to do? Is it ok for them to have a personally intimate relationship where there is emotional investment as long as there is not sex or is that almost worse?

It's whatever the betrayed partner says it is, basically.

Why do you ask?

Is this for an article, or is there some reason you're going for the breezy journalist tone, rather than 'I am feeling a strong emotional connection to a colleague and wonder if I'm wandering towards the terrain of an 'emotional affair'?

'Not Just Good Friends' by Shirley Glass is good about boundaries and how they are breached.

In general, once you start wondering if you have gone too far, you have.

Lumpy that's absolutely spot on!

Rob parsons has written lots of good books-his 60 minute range are all fab!

Wonderful motivational speaker too.

For me the affair starts when the other person starts to think inappropriately about that person.

Dr Phil said an affair is anything you do that you wouldn't do if your partner was stood watching.
So to me that would be something as little as texting someone else.

hanging beat me to it, about what Dr Phil's definition is. At the end of the day, affair feels to me, like a Mills & Boon badge, for cheating

Yep, an affair is repeated behaviour that you need to keep secret from your partner because you know it crosses their boundaries (but may try to convince yourself it's easier that way, or the subject hasn't arisen).