texting

[triffle81]

Hi and thanks for reading.
I have been with my partner for over 12 months now and things are going well. We have moved in together and bought a house.
My concern is that my partner uses whatsapp and messenger a lot , which itself is not a problem. The problem for me is that my partner is shown on my phone as using the apps during the middle of the night.
Am I being paranoid or just silly? I have asked in the past and been told its to do with work. Being self employed it does make sense to a degree. But it is eating away at me, as when I text my partner takes a long time to reply.

Your thoughts are most welcome.

thanks

With me personally I find the Facebook messenger app etc are so unreliable with their timings, I've just asked my wife to check and according to Whatsapp I was online at midnight even though I was sound asleep by 10:00.

Who specifically is he messaging in the night? Have you seen any messages?

thanks dave, i understand what you mean, just find it upsetting when i see the timings, especially as i am away at times

I pressed post too soon.

Obviously he has admitted to using them at that time so unless you have orher suspicions and you feel comfortable snooping I don't know what else you can do besides maybe asking him again.

I dont get to see the messages as my partner deletes them so i have no idea of who or what is in them

I totally get where you're coming from, it can be agonising seeing time stamps showing them as having been online at silly o clock not knowing who they're talking to. I don't suppose there's a solution other than trust.

Is that true about messenger time stamps? Is that true of whatsapp time stamps too? Guy I've been dating was apparently on whatsapp at 2.15 this morning, it has made me very suspicious and I hate this feeling but wouldn't want to confront or dump him on this evidence alone, especially if it's likely to be inaccurate!

I think you're being paranoid. If he had something to hide, he'd turn the time stamp off on WhatsApp

It's well known that the last online timings can be inaccurate.

Why are people 'suspicious' of late night activity?

If I (regularly) happen to wake in the night I will often check my phone or play a quick game. This is often enough to update the 'last seen' timestamps.

I think the points above are good ones. I'm self-employed currently, and will often check emails and messages in the early hours if I can't sleep.

But I do wonder if part of your worry is borne out of not really knowing your partner very well (yet). You moved very quickly from dating to buying a house together. You must have started planning the house purchase after only knowing each other for what, eight months? Do you feel settled and secure?

I WhatsApp through the night, I suppose. I tend to have conversations with people all the time and that includes in between sleeps... I reply, fall asleep again, reply....and so on.

I wouldn't be suspicious if there's nothing else that's worrying you but overall it sounds like you don't trust him and if you've only been together a year, I'd just bail on that. Instincts are usually for a reason.

In general i feel we are a good match and secure, i guess my fear is borne out of past experiences. I dont want to come across as controlling and my partner often states that their phone is open with no lock on it. But as the messages are deleted it really wouldnt matter, and i would feel bad going through their phone.

confused

x

You either trust him or you don't. He's given you a reasonable explanation, I often look at WhatsApp or messenger late at night.
Unless you have any real reason to doubt him you need to let it go.

I think that it's more the content of the messages than the timings, that would be concerning. Someone could have a perfectly innocent conversation over whatsapp in the middle of the night. My friend sends me messages about Eastenders in the middle of the night because that's when she's finally sat down to watch it. Other friends (who have more interesting lives than me) whatsapp me at 1 or 2am when they are getting in. Me and dh are both self employed and accept calls and messages at all times. I can also confirm that the timings aren't always right dh has previously confirmed to me that I am online sometimes even when my phone isn't even switched on.
If your dp is upto no good then messages in relation to that no good could be sent just as easily at 1pm as 1am. I might wonder why the messages are all deleted, and perhaps you're doubting dp due to instinct or experience, but the timings alone would not concern me. I hope that you can resolve this by talking and that there is a reasonable explanation.