Alcoholic mum - it's getting worse

[crazycatlady34]

Hi everyone. It's my first post here on mumsnet but will be quite a depressing one - sorry! My mum lives with my little sis, and she tells me things about my mum's drinking which really worry me about her wellbeing and how much worse and frequent the drinking is getting. My sister has a lot of mental health issues, and I don't blame them all on my mum but she definitely isn't helping! My mum isn't physically abusive, but she can be very cruel in he words and loves to guilt trip. It's difficult to have to sit back and watch, but there's nothing I can do. My mother refuses to accept she has a problem, and will therefore not see how she could possibly be hurting us. I don't know what to say to my little sis except to just stick it out till she can leave to go to go to uni. Any advice?

How old is she?

My mum was an alcoholic and it was horrendous. Is there any way your sis could come and live with you?

I'm sorry your mum is an alcoholic and (by the sounds of it) emotionally abusive - that must be very difficult for you and your sister.

How old are you and your sister?

Is there anyone else living with them, or is it just your mum and sister?

Who do you live with? Are you at uni or working?

Are either of you in touch with your dad at all?

Sorry for all the questions, it's just that the answers will help us advise how you can best help yourself and your sister.

Bakeoff she's 16 and I can't as I'm at uni atm anotheremma it's just my mum and my sister but my mum has a boyfriend (also a heavy drinker) who comes round frequently. Dad is not in the picture very often.

I also do own a house as not uni full time but it just isn't practical as we live 2 hours away and she's in middle of gcses and has applied to sixth forms in her area next year.

I have two suggestions for you:

Firstly, looking after yourself, which is vital before you can look after your sister. Your university probably has a counselling service for students, and I suggest you contact them, as it's really important that you get some professional support to help you deal with this.

Secondly, in terms of helping your sister, it might be useful to make social services aware of the situation. They might be able to give your mum and sister support. To get advice on whether or not should do that, and what might happen if you do, you could call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.

Those are the two most important things, IMO, but you might also find it helpful to look at the Stately Homes thread - there are lots of resources on there, as well as wise and supportive people who understand what you're going through.

Anotheremma thank you so much for your help. I think my sister's talked to her counsellor about the alcohol before but not a lot happened so will see if there's more we can do. Thanks

You're welcome
I also suggest you contact the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, they have a helpline and I'm sure they would be very helpful too.

I had (have) an alcoholic mum too. It was horrendous. I know first hand the relief/guilt that moving away to university brings m, leaving a younger sibling to cope at home. Luckily I had a fantastic dad, but I still felt very alone and lost.

Remember:
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot fix this

Give your sister the emotional and practical support you can, encourage her to confide in people - the relief I felt when I finally broke down and spoke to our support coordinator at university after keeping it to myself for years was unbelievable (I told my primary school teacher in year two, she told me mummy would be really sad and cross if she knew I'd told her so I shouldn't tell anyone else - still angry about that!) speak to people yourself - speak to your university support coordinator. I was given so much understanding and support - I was allowed to miss an exam once because my sister was having a really, really tough time and just sit it later with the people resitting it. Once it was all out in the open my life became much easier.

Finally, there's a special support network for people just like you and your sister here

You sound like are a lovely sister crazy. I hope you both get through this with some support mentioned here.

Snuffle I'm sorry about your mum, it gets hard to know what is right and wrong in a situation like this but I think talking to other people will help as I can't do it alone. Thank you for the support
Bakeoff thank you