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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

big bust up

14 replies

primitivemom · 21/05/2016 20:21

I am sitting here, dont know what to do. Ive had 18 years of EA and MA and i cant take anymore. We have split up a few times over the years but have gotten back together, tonight he started criticising me yet again and putting me down. i just snapped and threw an empty basket i had in my hand at him. It made a small cut on his head. He then flew at me punched and slapped my face and kicking me. Ive thrown him out, i know i was wrong but i just snapped, i have mental health issues and he uses this to keep me down and my kids against me, im in such a bad place tonight .

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 21/05/2016 20:23

How old are your kids? Are they at home with you?

haveacupoftea · 21/05/2016 20:24

Good for you kicking him out. This could be the first day of the rest of your life. You should contact Women's Aid who can supporr you through this. Don't look back

RememberToSmile1980 · 21/05/2016 20:25

After being on the receiving end of EA and MA good for you that you kicked him out. Even though you snapped - what he did was totally out of order! You are better off without a bully like him. Sending you hugs and lots of support - be brave. Do you have anyone you can turn to for help?

Original poster

primitivemom · 21/05/2016 20:25

But i threw the basket at him first, surely that makes me the lunatic he claims i am? im just so conditioned to his put downs, kids are here but the are fine x

OP posts:

RememberToSmile1980 · 21/05/2016 20:26

That is the EA that he's thrown at you over the years. You didn't attack him. It's not your fault at all.

Original poster

primitivemom · 21/05/2016 20:28

Everytime i say something he dosent like, im 'attacking ' him, he is so high maintenence emotionally and mentally im drained. My kids think he is a god who can do no wrong

OP posts:

haveacupoftea · 21/05/2016 20:30

I'm sorry to tell you but your children will not be fine after seeing and listening to years of fights and seeing their mum be abused. I have been through it as a child and the relief when my mum finally kicked him out...i cant describe how much happier life was even though she was still very depressed and a heavy drinker.

Do the right thing for them, don't let him back, ever. You aren't a lunatic.

Original poster

primitivemom · 21/05/2016 20:40

I also have bipolar disorder and he was down as my carer, (he is good i know) will this affect me and the kids can they take them away? so worried. I can look after them fine, kids are 11 & 6 x

OP posts:

hazelangell · 21/05/2016 22:04

I have bipolar disorder and had it used against me by an abusive ex, I did way worse than throw a basket - I pulled a knife and told him if he didn't get the fuck out I would stab him! (I know I'm an idiot)! He then left and called the police and I spent a night in the cells . Social services called me the next day for a chat but once I just explained the situation and that was it, heard nothing from them ever again - so very very unlikely they will take your children (but I understand the worry, particularly if your ex uses that like mine did). I also wasn't medicated (I'm still not) and even that didn't give them cause for concern as my GP is happy for me to handle it myself providing I go to him for help should I need it.

Please do not feel bad for retaliating to 18 years of abuse, it's actually very common according to the lady I spoke with at Womens Aid when leaving my ex. I hope you're okay? Have you contacted the police at all?

TheSilveryPussycat · 21/05/2016 22:18

People suffering abuse - with a bi-polar condition or not - can snap under the relentless pressure of it all. It crops up a lot on this board, and those who have snapped usually ask in their post whether they are, in fact, the abusive one.

Abusive people never wonder that.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/05/2016 22:28

The fucking horrible cunt. I'm not just saying it because it's you writing this and because you're a women, but. You're not in the wrong at all. He knows you have MH issues and yet there he is being an utter prick criticising you. Of course you lost your temper. Words hurt far more that any slaps. The only critique I've got is. Why why why do you keep going back to this brute. You and your children deserve better, and you know that. He's never going to change. If that's what you're banking on, but I think deep down you know that. Hopefully tonight you make the brave and courageous decision to rid yours and children's lives of this monster. I know it's easier than done. I watched my mum go through the same thing, and I always resented the fact that she went back, but she honestly believed she could change my dad, but "no" it never happened.
I was euthoric when they got divorced.
Show your children. This is not correct behaviour. A man hitting a women, and you being mentally abused
I bet he's the type that would cower in the corner if a man wanted to fight him. He's okay hitting a women, though.
I wish you well

Original poster

primitivemom · 21/05/2016 23:41

Thankyou so much for your kind replies. I didn't call police as I don't want social services involved. My eldest had recently been diagnosed aspergers and I couldn't cope with police etc, I feel I'm trapped to him As I don't know if I'd cope

OP posts:

hazelangell · 22/05/2016 00:27

You've coped with 18 years of abuse, what makes you think you wouldn't cope without it? ..... (although I feel this is a silly question as it's likely HE has made you feel like you'd never cope without him). You definitely could and you definitely would.

tipsytrifle · 22/05/2016 01:09

Surely coping with non-abuse has an appeal? I was with someone for a few years who was good at the "doing" and "organising" when I was in a bad way. Eventually he revealed himself as a controller who enjoyed doing the stuff because it made him the boss of me; couldn't bear it when I challenged "his" ways in my home. I relieved him of his duties, whether or not I was ready. Turns out I was way better emotionally without him.

BiPolar is a tough call but it's made you strong too. Please don't put up with abuse because this idiot is good at what he does for you but a shit in every other way. In the end he's getting his jollies from his role while you have suffered 18yrs of this.

You are strong. You really do not need him. Your alleged attack would hardly disturb a wasp in the room, never mind count as assault. He punched, slapped and kicked. Imbalance much?

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