Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did something silly.

16 replies

ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:00

I sent a text to my Exs new gf. Because I was angry at him.

Now he's ringing and I'm scared he's going to turn up at the house. It was a stupid thing to do. I was really upset as he was choosing seeing her over his parental responsibilities (again) and it meant my plans had to be cancelled. I don't get out much :(

I feel really stupid now.

OP posts:
ReturnOfTheJewel · 20/05/2016 09:02

What did your message say? Bit hard to comment without knowing this.

ReturnOfTheJewel · 20/05/2016 09:02

And how did you have her number?

VioletBam · 20/05/2016 09:04

It's done now. You didn't threaten her or anything did you? If not, forget it!

Original poster
ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:05

Sorry a Facebook text. I feel like a complete arsehole. He told me he wasn't seeing anyone, was adamant about this...until I came to his house and saw them shagging in the living room :(
So I told her I had seen them
I say 'girlfriend ' in my op but they aren't out in the open about being together. It would spoil people's view of him being the victim

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 20/05/2016 09:09

Are there people in RL you can talk to about this?
Why would you be scared of him coming round?
Were you generally scared of him?
Get a friend round if you can and talk it out with them.
Don't let him be the 'victim' here.
If he's been shagging someone else and not been doing as he should with his kids then let people know.
Don't keep his dirty secret. You owe him nothing!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/05/2016 09:11

Didn't she notice that you walked in?

Anyway, if you just said that you saw them and it's nothing that could be judged as slanderous/abusive/threatening, she'll probably just think it's a weird message and forget it. It doesn't sound like she needs to keep it quiet, just him, so she's unlikely to be too bothered.

Is he violent?

This heavily suggests that you still have at least some feelings for him. Can you change the set up so you're not exposed to him? Don't go to his house, don't have contact with him unless it's about the children, keep it to an absolute minimum anyway... You're at risk of him trying to use your feelings against you now they are obvious. It sounds like you need some distance to help you heal, too.

Original poster
ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:11

We aren't together so he has the right to do so. He just lies about it. He told me they were just friends And then I turned up wanting to talk about some stuff and saw that. I felt like an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:13

I didn't walk in the house. The window/curtains were open. His communal doorbell is broke so I went to shout "hello?" through the window

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 20/05/2016 09:15

This happened this morning?

Original poster
ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:15

I want to go non contact but my family have basically shot me down for it and said he will still be involved in everything (been together a long time and they see him as family as much as me) so if I don't want to attend family events because he is there that's my choice. But they won't not invite him.

He's not violent. He's never hit me. But he's pushed me and he has an awful temper for breaking stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShittityBoppityBoo · 20/05/2016 09:15

No. It happened about 2 weeks ago.

OP posts:
LookAtMeGo · 20/05/2016 09:19

But when did you send the message?

hellsbellsmelons · 20/05/2016 09:34

Your family are not supporting you at all here.
That must be hard to handle.
I wouldn't go to family events if he was going to be there.
Not a chance.
Did you split up because this is the OW?

LizKeen · 20/05/2016 09:43

Wow. Your family are jerks. Have they always been so dismissive of you?

I would suggest you take a massive step back from everyone, and start to focus on you and living your life how you want to.

Don't get drawn in to your ex's drama. It is what he wants. Now he can say that you were in the wrong for messaging her, instead of HIM being wrong for being a flakey fucker and shirking his responsibilities.

RickOShay · 20/05/2016 09:43

I don't blame you, must have been awful to see them. Don't apologise to him, and don't feel bad about it. Sounds like he as put you through the wringer and you are justifiably pissed off. Don't now waste your time feeling like a nob. Life will get better for you, and you are evidently better off without him, and I know the best revenge is living well but sometimes it is all just too much. Flowers and please don't feel bad. Onwards and upwards.

greenfolder · 20/05/2016 09:46

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.

You know you were wrong to do it. Send him and her a message saying you were wrong to comment and their private life is just that.

Then keep all comms around your mutual children. You can't stop your family acting like they do. Presumably if he has a new gf, she will not be keen to spend time with your folks!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page