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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Upset over a mug ...

20 replies

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 19:03

Upset today, because my estranged-Husband doesn't want to take a mug with his initial on "because it reminds me of you" (sic). I did buy one with my initial on at the same time but it is a mug which cost £2, for crying out loud. Oddly enough, much of the other stuff he wants, I gave to him as gifts, including a mug with a phrase on which reminded us of our stillborn Daughter. Disproportionately upset he dislikes me so much he won't take a mug.

OP posts:

Mooey89 · 09/05/2016 19:03

Throw it away?

Mooey89 · 09/05/2016 19:05

Pick yourself up, take charge. You are upset, that's allowed. But you are putting him in charge of your feelings here.

Throw the mug away. Smash it up!
Don't waste emotion on this.

Ilovewillow · 09/05/2016 19:08

It's because it's like he's leaving the memories behind. I'll bet your both upset! Have a good cry, pick yourself up and smash, you'll feel better!

AcrossthePond55 · 09/05/2016 19:13

If you just can't bear to throw it, then wrap it up in a towel or old cloth and tuck it up on a shelf in the closet out of sight. You'll forget about it eventually, then run across it at some point, think 'what the hell?!?' and toss it without another thought.

I assume the split was his idea?

SooBee61 · 09/05/2016 19:16

Donate it to charity?

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 20:09

His idea, Pond. Someone else. Lots of threads on here.

I was going to pop it in the cupboard in the Dining Room, where I won'the see it till I can ditch it, like Bee said.

Easier said than done Mooey.

Willow he doesn't seem to be.

OP posts:

Mooey89 · 09/05/2016 20:12

I know it's easier said than done, love. I do.
But right now it has an emotional hold on you and you will feel better for taking control of that.

NaffOffMartha · 09/05/2016 20:16

Poor OP, I'm so sorry.

He could have taken it and chucked it himself instead of being cruel.

Donate it to a charity shop and you won't have to deal with it again

Assuming you can afford to, have you treated yourself to some nice new bedding? Have your own clear out too and start afresh.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/05/2016 20:49

It's really easy to 'fixate' on small things when we aren't the one to initiate the split. It seems that 'things' come to represent our feelings and the feelings (or lack) of the one who left.

All you can do is remind yourself that 'it's only a mug, an inanimate object'. Because that's all it is. His not taking it doesn't 'mean' anything, just the same as if he had taken it that it would have meant he still cared.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. He'll reap what he's sown, eventually. Your 'job' now is to look to your own future and happiness.

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 20:50

Naff, oddly, the bedding doesn't bother me, perhaps because I chose it? The mug bothers me because it is just a mug but he hates me so much he can't even bear to use it, in the way people hang onto promotional company mugs not because they like them but because they are useful.

I keep having to conquer things, Mooey.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 09/05/2016 20:59

It may not be hate, it may be 'guilt' or a form of it. He knows what he did was wrong. It could be that he knew that every time he looked at the mug he'd know what a bastard he'd been (and he should feel that way!) and he's too much of a coward to admit it to himself.

Gide · 09/05/2016 21:01

I bet he feels guilty about the split, given it's him that has the OW. He's probably overreacting because he feels bad and knows he's caused you pain. He doesn't hate you, he hates the sheer inconvenience of leaving and how bad he is being made to feel. Tough on him. Don't tuck it away, smash it up (wrapped in a towel, use a hammer). Bin the sodding thing.

Minime85 · 09/05/2016 21:04

What a dick. Agree put in charity bag and move on to a happier time without him

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 23:08

I would love to think he felt guilt, but I am not convinced.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 23:09

Yeah, he's a dick.

But someone else's child has a Father and my four have none.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 09/05/2016 23:11

Pond I missued your post at 2049. You have it exactly.

Doesn't make it easier, though.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 10/05/2016 00:42

No, only time will make it easier, I'm afraid. But that time will come, even if it's hard to believe right now.

Nannygrandma · 10/05/2016 07:41

This will pass I promise you if it wasn't the mug it would be something esle. Have a little cry put the mug out of sight deep breath onwards and upwards xxx

Original poster

Heartbroken4 · 10/05/2016 14:58

Yeah, today it is loved-up photos/selfies the OW has taken, which he is tagged in, which all our mutual friends can see. #humiliating

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 10/05/2016 15:26

Oh love, block him. Block the 'mutual friends' if you have to. You don't need to see those photos. Ask your friends to not apprise you of their goings on.

Please don't rub your own nose in it.

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