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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really fed up!

10 replies

Sam9987 · 07/05/2016 14:21

Dh has a very low sex drive, he's always tired and never makes time, this has obviously made me feel pretty shitty as I have a huge sex drive. But I know he's watching porn, he denies it, it's really starting to upset me to the point I'm thinking of leaving, everytime I mention it it causes arguments

OP posts:
whateverwoman · 07/05/2016 15:25

Have you thought of suggesting watching porn together?

Original poster
Sam9987 · 07/05/2016 15:35

We used to but we never have since, I'm not keen on it tbh. But I'm so sick of getting nothing. He says he's depressed. He's really hurt me in the past I don't think I can put myself through it again

OP posts:
MrsHenryWinter · 07/05/2016 15:39

Watching porn together?! Really? Hmm

If he has depression is he seeing his GP? I think you need to sit down and explain clearly and calmly how you feel and what you can both do to fix it.

If it's depression then there is medication or therapy. If it's porn then he needs to stop as it can destroy a couple's sex life. As always communication is key, although I know it's easier said than done.

whateverwoman · 07/05/2016 15:43

I don't think watching porn together is so bad. Lots of people do it and enjoy it MrsHenry, I only suggested it as it may have been a way to get him in the mood of he's obviously already watching it.

I think he should see his GP Sam, depression would have a huge impact on his libido as well as other areas of his life. Either way, you certainly deserve more and I hope he can realise this.

Original poster
Sam9987 · 07/05/2016 16:05

He's not seen a GP, we are both exhausted with the day to day life as everyone else is. I just can't see how he can't make time, we have sat down about 5 times in the last year and I've spoken about this, each time he said he will try, he never does, 2 weeks ago he really tried for about 2 days we made time then nothing. It's like he expected that would make me happy and now he doesn't have to bother. I'm not one for lone sex with myself so I feel a bit peeved by this!

OP posts:
whateverwoman · 07/05/2016 16:16

I don't blame you. It sounds like he needs a heavy dose of motivation, although if he is depressed this could be linked. Maybe you could suggest counselling? It could maybe help him address his issues as well as getting to the root of it.

I think that some men must feel that porn is the easy option, no need to please anyone other than themselves and clearly this isn't ok. It gets in the way of a normal sex life which naturally effects the relationship itself. He needs a kick up the bum!

Original poster
Sam9987 · 07/05/2016 19:52

Do I have to put up with this? If nothing is going to change? I feel like because we are married I need to accept it but I also feel like it's not very fair

OP posts:
BiftasWifta · 07/05/2016 19:55

You don't HAVE to put up with anything that makes you unhappy in a relationship

Can you live another ten years like this?

Original poster
Sam9987 · 07/05/2016 20:01

Definitely not although I feel very very selfish!

OP posts:
whateverwoman · 07/05/2016 20:24

It isn't selfish to want more from a relationship, everyone deserves happiness. You have to do what is right for you.

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