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Original poster

Are extroverts more popular than introverts?

20 replies

whatswhat · 29/04/2016 20:12

I'm a shy, slightly socially awkward, introvert. A few days ago an extroverted work colleague had her birthday and i noticed how in real life and on social media people were gushing to tell her how great she is and how much they want to spend time with her. Now i would hate that level of attention or people wanting to spend time with me but it got me thinking about how few friends i have in comparison and i started to wonder, do extroverts have more friends? Because i think i'd prefer to spend an evening in the pub with an extrovert than an introvert. Introverts can be quite hard work sometimes.

OP posts:

ScoutandAtticus · 29/04/2016 20:25

Yes they probably are. DH is an extrovert as is Ds, and both have lots of friends and people warm to them. However, DD and I who are introverts seem to have fewer but more genuine friendships.

Jaimx86 · 29/04/2016 20:29

Meh
As an introvert and INTJ, I couldn't give a fuck. Embrace who you are.
Extroverts may well have more friends as they enjoy having them where as I see most friends as an added stress.

ALaughAMinute · 29/04/2016 20:37

As an ESFJ I would definitely say I have more friends than some of my introvert friends but that's probable because I need them.

I want wouldn't necessarily say that introverts are more hard work, sometimes they have qualities that we extroverts don't have such as being good listeners for instance.

ALaughAMinute · 29/04/2016 20:38

*probably

KittyandTeal · 29/04/2016 20:40

Depends how you define introvert really.

I prefer time on my own of just with dh. I struggle if I have to be in social situations for extended periods and feel drained and exhausted afterwards.

I don't seek out social situations.

However, when I am with others I seem to be fairly popular. I'm not shy and am outgoing and seem to be quite funny. I enjoy others in short bursts.

I'd say I'm probably a strange mixture of outgoing introvert.

Eeeek686 · 29/04/2016 20:43

I have a very good friend who I would say was mildly introverted, or at least not extrovert in the typical sense, and she has looooads of friends. She is happy talking to people though, just not the life and soul iyswim! I think her secret is that she is genuinely interested in people, kind, and generous (with her time) so people automatically like her. I'm pretty extrovert but don't have so many friends as while I'm also interested in people and like to have fun I'm basically a bit lazy and selfish....

SarahVineTory · 29/04/2016 20:45

I had a lot of friends when I was younger and they made me feel no different, if anything I am happier with less friends.

TooSassy · 29/04/2016 21:47

No, not at all.

There are a lot of misconceptions about extrovert vs introvert. One of the key differentiators between the two types is the following.

Does someone take the time to think before they speak? That is one of the defining qualities of an introvert. Many introverts are also just on the cusp of being an introvert, so display what we perceive as typical extrovert qualities.

I work in an organisation dominated with salespeople. There is an absolute mix of introverts and extroverts with both personality types being really popular.

YorkieDorkie · 29/04/2016 22:05

ENFP here and I don't necessarily think that's true! I think introverts are confused with being shy and it's not the case. My DH is an introvert but by no means lacking in confidence. He is just at his peak when he is allowed to work in peace, enjoy his own personal time/space etc. Extroverts are at their peak when surrounded by people and social situations. We have an equal amount of friends but I would say DH is better at making new friends!

AmIbeingaBitch · 29/04/2016 22:10

Anyone that I know would describe me as an extrovert. It's a facade. I'm a buyer. Extroverts sell

Xmasbaby11 · 29/04/2016 22:10

I' d say I'm an extrovert, ENTJ, and I've always had lots of friends. I put a lot into friendships and work hard to maintain them over the years and miles. But I do feel I need friends which is a bit of a needy negative thing. I'm sure I could be described as attention seeking but (I think) entertaining and good company. Dh is introvert and his life is a lot simpler I think!

fatflaps · 29/04/2016 22:11

What are all the abbreviations/letters??

mrsmeerkat · 29/04/2016 22:12

I am an introvert but I disguise it. I am tired of disguising it!

Jaimx86 · 29/04/2016 22:16

They relate to the Myers-Briggs personality test, Fatflaps.

JasperDamerel · 29/04/2016 22:25

I think that a lot of extroverts nurture friendships better because they need the interaction more. I could have more friends than I do, but I really don't have the space in my life for more close friendships. I don't want to be more popular than I am, because I would have to spend more time socialising. A few good friends and plenty of people who like me but don't expect to go out with me on a regular basis is my friendship sweet spot.

RubbishMantra · 29/04/2016 23:18

I'm completely socially awkward.

I think it's because as a youngster I was told off for not having enough friends, then admonished by mother for "showing off", if I did come out of my shell. Also instructed to appear to be confident (I hate that word) at all times.

When sent off to boarding school, I flourished, had a whale of a time and formed some very deep friendships. After a year my mother wanted to remove me, and have me back at home. Somehow, putting my little stubborn 10 year old foot down won.

But yeah, I am socially awkward, and I can't see the point of small talk.

RubbishMantra · 29/04/2016 23:23

*Oh, and Carl Jung described himself as an introvert, whereas Sigmund Freud described himself as an extrovert. The ladies loved Carl. (I think the 2 of them coined the terms)

Misselthwaite · 30/04/2016 00:51

My sisters are both extroverts but they so work at maintaining friendships. I'm not sure that people like them more as such just that over their life they keep friendships going. They basically keep in touch with everyone they've ever been friends with and really make an effort with things like sending birthday cards, facebook, phoning, postcards everything. One of them has just been on holiday and she met up with at least two friends while there.

fatflaps · 30/04/2016 07:04

Oh interesting. I'm on a course this week to do some MB stuff. I'll have my own letters soon I guess!!

BrendaFurlong · 30/04/2016 08:19

I think it depends on how we define popular.

Extroverts 'do' friendship in a different way to introverts (with lots of qualifications obviously)

For example: I have a small number of exceptionally close friends whom I could rely on day or night to help me in an emergency. My DSis has far more friends (if Facebook is anything to go by!) and goes out socialising far more than I do, however a lot of those friendships are situational (work, other school parents etc) and I'm not sure many of them are 'friends' at the same level of total trust and reliance I probably expect of my friends. She'd get upset if friends didn't mark her birthday. I doubt whether anybody other than my 2 BFFs even know when my birthday is.

It's not better or worse, it's just different. At work, she thrives in the canteen at lunchtime with all her colleagues, whereas out of choice I'd just go and hide somewhere for half an hour to regain the energy I need to perform my job (and it is a performance - I'm outgoing, confident, love public speaking, can tell a good story etc but I can only do it if I get 90% of my life in peace and quiet!)

I do find it irritating that as a society we have fairly much accepted that extraversion is desirable. I'll probably start a campaign about it... (INFJ here )

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