Time to LTB??

[inneedof]

I'm away on business at present back next Thursday.

Yesterday evening, I get a text saying she's gone to this blokes house, who we've had arguments about her relationship with in the past. Basically she never introduces me to him, never meets him when I'm around. She know I have an issue with it.

She modifies the statement about seeing him by saying she is then going to another friends (female) after. I needed to talk to her this morning about something. Just rang, no answer on the mobile, so rang her friend. Yes she was here last night but left. Rang home not there.

So I assume she has gone back to this blokes.

It all just seems to be lies & deceit.

One way or another there will now be a row on the phone. Really fed up with this. The row will go "nothings happened & if you don't trust me we are finished" & "if you think I'm cheating I might just as well".

I know LTB is the answer isn't it?

It sounds quite... Suspicious. I'd be concerned about the fact she isn't picking up her phone. She may argue that you phoning her friend was intrusive, but tbh I would have done the same in your situ.
If you want to LTB, I think you should.
Lies and deceit have no place in a healthy relationship!

Why wont she introduce you to this bloke? Do they have history? The very fact my partner was keeping me from a friend they knew well enough to visit at their home would raise suspicions with me - and the fact as soon as you are out of town she goes straight there when you arent there to argue about it speaks volumes.

She can argue you dont trust her and are checking up on her - but its her behaviour thats led to it!! If theres nothing to worry about why cant you meet this guy yourself? All go out for a drink if its that innocent?
I hope for your sake it is but regardless, a healthy relationship doesnt have secret friends like this!!

Do you have kids?
If so, where are they?
I wouldn't like this at all if it my OH doing this.
And I certainly wouldn't disrespect my OH and actually do this to him.
You have some thinking to do.
How is the relationship otherwise?
How long have you been together?

No kids.
Relationship thought was OK
together 9 years

Eventually got a text saying battery was nearly dead, was just about to plug it in & will text in a min. Hour later nothing received, so chased again as was about to go out. "I'll text you when home in an hour" 3 hours later "Home, but going to bed for half an hour. I'm not trying to avoid you. XXXXXXX" Nothing since

You already know the answer. Sorry.

I wouldn't contact her again now.
Just leave her to stew wondering why are chasing after her as usual.
Time for a dose of her own medicine I think.
I also believe you know what needs to happen.
No kids makes it a lot easier.
She's no respect for you from what I can see.
Doesn't give a toss that you are worrying about this.
She's in feckin' bed while you are fretting.
No way is that OK!

"nothings happened & if you don't trust me we are finished" & "if you think I'm cheating I might just as well".

Typical cheater's script. I'm sorry. You know what's happened. With no kids in the mix I think you just cut your losses and go.

To look at it another way... Even if she didn't bang this guy. She waited until you were away for a week on business, texted you to say she was seeing someone you already had a problem with, and then deliberately didn't answer your texts or calls. Those are not the actions of someone who wants to reassure their partner that nothing's going on. Or even the actions of someone who actually gives a shit about their partner. Her behaviour was deliberately designed to manipulate and hurt you. There was no actual reason for her to text you "I'm seeing Frankie McFlirtface" at all. She wanted you to feel worried, insecure and jealous.

Yes so she's making her cheating your fault...nice