DH behaviour

[ConchettaFeta]

Does your OH ever mimic your voice during arguments? Gesticulate/repeat himself wildly/ punch the sofa/ call you a retard/ stupid imbecile/ cunt? Could that be justified?

No

No

Nope.

Does he say he loves you? Because from where I'm sitting...

I'm sorry you have been putting up with this crap though

My ex did.

I've never been spoken to like that in my life and I'd walk out and leave anyone who spoke to me like that. Is there anywhere you can go, OP?

My ex did. It can't be justified. I'm sorry you've gone through this.

Yes he says he loves me. When we are not arguing. I have been trying v hard to be an easier person to be around but tonight I was upset after being called a cunt at the weekend and stupidly brought up money issues ( a v sensitive issue) and he got angry and he always starts talking loudly/ as if I am stupid and gets even angrier if I interrupt or ask him not to shout. We have a beautiful son who is 2. The truth is these awful words don't have that much power anymore but I do feel like he has no respect and lots of resentment towards me even when he says he loves me. I am v scared of divorce. He'd be v controlling. I'd still have to deal with him anyway. Feeling v down.

I had some of the things you described. They are all emotional abuse.
Get out of the relationship as soon as you can - and I know that won't necessarily be easy. But it will be worth it.

Altho you'd still have to deal with him, you wouldn't be living with it.

Your ds wouldn't grow up with seeing his mother treated and spoken to like that and therefore wouldn't see it as normal which of course is what will happen if you stay.

Being treated with no respect in your own home like that will be pulling your self confidence and self esteem down all the time. Eventually that will turn into severe depression. Get out before he grinds you down.

No true bloke worth having, whatever the circumstances or provocation, would call their partner a cunt.

It sounds as if you are walking on egg shells if you can't talk about money issues.

Mine refused to talk money as well - he was a cocklodger, so not really surprising. He's now my ex.

Thanks. Hard to not feel responsible as he can also be lovely and I do provoke him sometimes and don't deal with things in the best way always.

No decent person gets 'provoked' into doing any such thing. Especially not to someone they love. And especially not more than once!

Apparently calling me a cunt is only as bad as me calling him an arsehole ( he was being an arsehole). There's something about behind called a cunt though when all day and night I'm tending to our son.

Oh and anyone can be lovely when they are getting all their own way.

I do provoke him sometimes and don't with things in the best way always

Is that a quote from the gospel according to Him That Must Be Obeyed?

Do you have a history of provoking others and not dealing with things in the "best way", or do these behaviour traits only manifest when you're with him?

Judge his feelings by what he does, not what he says.
He may say he loves you but he treats you dreadfully - abusively.
No matter what provocation he perceives, his reactions are unacceptable. In no relationship under any circumstances are his actions acceptable.
You deserve far better than this.

Thanks hownotto and all others.

Thanks.

So. What are you going to do about it?

Is your son going to grow up thinking his dad's treatment of women is normal? Or is he going to come in for the same abuse when he does things 'the wrong way' according to your not very charming partner?

Will it be ok for him to hear you called a cunt? Or be called a cunt himself? Because by staying with this man that's what you can expect.

Sorry if this sounds blunt. I know it's a horrible shock when you realise you are being abused

No.