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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can my ex DP stop my son seeing my DM

23 replies

thestarryeyedsurprise · 04/04/2016 23:21

I'm going to try and cut a long story short. Ex DP and I have been on the rocks for a while. Came to a head today and he's decided to leave. It's okay I don't want him back, our relationship gives me emotional whiplash. Anyway tonight he has been sending me crazy texts, he thinks my mother is controlling and interfering. I disagree. My mum is super helpful, will grab nappies when she's out and about and little presents for DS. Anyway tonight he has text and said my mother is not allowed to see DS and if I go against him I'm going to regret it. Is he allowed to specify that without just cause?

OP posts:

HirplesWithHaggis · 04/04/2016 23:24

No, of course he can't forbid your mum to see your ds. However, I'm a bit concerned about the "going to regret it" bit. Keep that text, it may come in handy if you end up having to have him warned for harassment.

CodyKing · 04/04/2016 23:25

Keep all text - and ignore - not worth your time - detach -

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 04/04/2016 23:32

No, absolutely no right whatsoever. And it's not to do with your DS, it's his way of eroding any support network you have and isolating you.

My ex tried this, and all it did was make him look like a twat with control issues and got him a telling off from the family court judge. Tell him if he's so bothered to go to family court and see how far he gets. And report the threatening text to the police - he's a bully.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/04/2016 23:38

He's a cock and no, there is absolutely nothing he can do to stop your DS seeing your mum.
The only time a parent would be able to object to the other parent allowing the child to see someone would be if there was clear evidence that person was a danger to the child (eg the person had physically abused the child in the past/was on the sex offenders' register for harming children/possibly if the person was a drug addict or dealer or something like that). I'm sure none of this applies to your mum so your XP can go fuck himself. Ignore him.

TheNaze73 · 04/04/2016 23:42

Just laugh it off. He sounds like an utter fucknugget. Your future will be a better place without him. And he can't stop that at all

goddessofsmallthings · 04/04/2016 23:53

Unless he can prove that your dm is abusing your ds, there's no way he can stop her seeing her dgs.

Has he left your home and have arrangements been made for him to have contact with your ds?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 05/04/2016 08:42

SMS Backup and Restore, and Automatic Call Recorder are your friends for this sort of thing. Free on Google Play and the App store.

Original poster

thestarryeyedsurprise · 05/04/2016 09:15

I have kept all text messages etc. He's been saying he won't come back unless I speak to my mum and tell her to but out of our lives. I love the fact my mum is in my life. We are closer since my sister passed a month ago. I can't understand why he would want me to hurt her and tell her to get out of our lives when she's lost her daughter

OP posts:

SeriouslyFuckThisShit · 05/04/2016 09:33

I'm sorry about your sister op it must be hard for you all.

I'm sitting on the fence with this though, there is so many mil threads on here where posters are dealing with interference from pil and they are told it is their dp/dh responsibility to speak to his mum and tell her to butt out. There is also a lot of people told to go nc and not allow mil near their dc.

It looks like your dh is doing exactly what mn would advise someone to do who is having mil problems, expecting his spouse to deal with it.

Are you sure your Mum is not interfering a little more than what you have admitted too here?

Original poster

thestarryeyedsurprise · 05/04/2016 09:38

I've told him if he has issues with my mother he should speak to her but he won't

OP posts:

Zaurak · 05/04/2016 09:50

Without more info it's impossible to know the situation.

Op's mother could be controlling and partner has had enough
Partner could be trying to control op by removing her support network.

Either way, no he can't stop your child seeing your mum - only if there were serious reasons (on the sex offenders register for example.)

Keep that text. Id be tempted to text back "what do you mean, regret it?" And let him incriminate himself further ...

SeriouslyFuckThisShit · 05/04/2016 09:55

What issues does your dp have op?

Original poster

thestarryeyedsurprise · 05/04/2016 09:56

I just don't understand how she controls me at all or my DS, she does little things like the gardening, and she will offer to look after DS. And one day a week she has DS so I can have some 'me' time. It's stupid stuff like DP didn't want DS to have a baby walker because they are bad for babies and my mum went to buy one anyway. Bare in mind he made the decision and didn't ask my thoughts on it. He says no and that's that.

OP posts:

summerwinterton · 05/04/2016 09:59

You have just lost your sister and your dp is kicking off like this and wants to stop you seeing your mother. How bloody dare he - he sounds like the controlling abuser here.

I hope he stays your ex for good now. He sounds vile.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yseulte · 05/04/2016 10:00

He's been saying he won't come back unless I speak to my mum and tell her to but out of our lives

You don't want him back so it's win win. What a chump.

Pinkheart5915 · 05/04/2016 10:03

No he won't be able to stop ds seeing your mum, unless your mum was a risk of harm to ds which from what you've said she sounds like a lovely grandma!
It could be he wants to remove your support network so you feel low and take him back.
Sorry to hear about your sister

Abed · 05/04/2016 10:06

Sounds like he's done what a lot of people on Mumsnet advise posters to do.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 05/04/2016 10:09

They both sound like they are dominant personalities- that said your DM hasn't done anything heinous so he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Keep his texts as already advised and don't let your mother run rough shod over you.

I'm sorry about the loss of your sister.

DixieNormas · 05/04/2016 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodyteenagers · 05/04/2016 10:12

Why is your mum doing the gardening and not him?
Why is she having the child so you can get some me time? Doesn't he do anything
For his child?
Has she bought more things that he didn't want?

Original poster

thestarryeyedsurprise · 05/04/2016 10:18

In fairness he works 7 days a week, some of those half days. He barely has any time at home. We don't have lots of money and it's super tight since my sister passed as he had a lot of time off work so my mum will buy nappies and foods etc just to help out. She does it so we don't have the embarrassment of asking IYSWIM

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 05/04/2016 10:46

I am so sorry about your sister

Let's hope he doesn't come back. He can spout nonsense all he likes, do bear in mind that it can turn to harassment of you so keeping texts etc is a good idea

(He was right about baby walkers btw - they are really not very good and why did your mum ignore the fathers wishes? When all is calmer you might want to explore that a bit)

SolidGoldBrass · 05/04/2016 12:22

The fact that he is throwing his weight about when the OP has just suffered a bereavement makes it obvious that he's a cock. Good riddance to him, OP. He doesn't matter.

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