New partner with kids - finances general etiquette

[notoutofthewoods]

Hi there,

I've been with my new partner for nearly 2 years now. She has two young children to her ex and I don't have any. We're trying for one of our own at the moment though.

She takes home around £1300 a month and I take home around £2000.

What does one usually do about finances in this situation?

Presumably you already live together. What do you do at the moment, and is it fair on all of you? What's your actually question?

If you live together then you need to demonstrate that you are a true partnership. That means you both contribute to all household expenses according to the percentage you take home. That includes all expenses related to the children.

Anything else means you're just playing happy families without actually being one.

I'm sure you wouldn't want to have mor disposable cash than her?
Does she get maintenance?
You need to calculate all your outgoings (including childcare etc) and divide what is left equally. Since you're not married that should include an equal amount to be saved in separate savings accounts.

You need to aim for a level of equality in money for leisure spending and savings. So if she is using all her income on living expenses and the children, leaving her nothing for herself or to save, you should think about increasing your contribution to rent/mortgage, bills, holidays, meals out etc rather than going for 50-50 all the time.

Also you need to do some financial planning for when/if the baby comes. Another child knocks back her earning potential and ability to make pension provision even more than currently so how can you make sure that she will be financially secure, and adequately housed if you die or you split up?

I presume you are living together.
In my situation, we pooled all the money together then paid all the bills. Whatever was left was usually spent on the children/clothing/activities for everyone or whoever needed/wanted something (finances allowing).
If you are living together as a family you have a responsibility towards the children regardless of whether you are their biological father or not.
In my humble opinion.

If you live together then you need to demonstrate that you are a true partnership. That means you both contribute to all household expenses according to the percentage you take home

I totally disagree.

True partnership means equal disposable income. Contributing proportions of income means that there will be unequal disposable income where there is a disparity in earnings which isn't fair in a partnership where we value each other as equals, rather than accepting the valuations our jobs place on us.

In my relationship, all income is joint income and all household expenditure is joint expenditure. Whatever is left over is divided equally and goes into our personal accounts to save or spend as we see fit. Theres no need to calculate, explain, or justify our personal spending patterns and we never have disagreements about money.

Some sound advice guys. Yeah we live together. At the moment I've been paying my share if the household bills. I've been paying more as I earn more.

We've been keeping what remains out of our wages however. Any activities we do as a family I generally pay for. I generally pay for holidays and such. She has little money left out of her wage although all of the money I have left gets saved and pays for meals, days out and holidays.

She's a little skint at the moment though however she only works 3 days a week. She's toying with the idea of picking up another day or two a week of work so that we can save some money for our 3rd and final child and have a bit more surplus income.

I was toying with the idea of basically just putting both of our wages into one account. Have the bills come out of that same account, then save a little of it and the remainder is to spend between us.

The trouble wth joint accounts is that if (like my DH and I) you both have different spending patterns (eg he has a highly monthly spend as he likes a nice car, whereas I live frugally but then spend a lump sum every now and again) then you can spend your whole time counting the £'s to work out what's fair.

By either budgeting a fixed regular monthly amount to cover bills, or working a month in arrears (I prefer the first option) and then dividing the remainder and transferring to personal accounts, there's no need to count the £'s and no arguments to be had as its scrupulously fair and you both have autonomy over your own personal spending patterns.

Either:

1. Pool it all. Once necessary bills are paid you each get 50.50 of what is left.
2. You split the cost of everything proportionally, so roughly 2:1 in your case.

Hiw much does she get in child benefit, maintenance and any tax credits?

Rosie thats a lovely post. Sounds like it was a great marriage and family life.

Im sorry your DH has passed away