Fighting

[Zapfcreational]

Was out with dh at weekend, someone bumped into him (completely drunk this man was) and spilt drink on him, he said it took aloe for him not to hit him. We left early as he felt he couldn't stay as that man and another one were jumping around like complete idiots pissing everyone off. I felt uncomfortable too but he said he knew he was just going to end in a fight, I've told him you don't have to fight and it's a completely over the top reaction. He said If he was with his mates he would of hit him?

Is this just a dominant thing?

Has he hit people before?

Never when we have been together (as far as I know) but I've heard he's been into fights before we met when out with friends

It sounds to me as if your DH felt threatened by possible violence (which is not unlikely where you've got young men drinking heavily) and his instinctive reaction was to strike first. This isn't an uncommon reaction in some men, especially if they have been involved in fights before where they've been unexpectedly attacked or become involved because fists are flying all over.

However, his reaction on this occasion was to suggest that you both left, which is a much more mature response. He was honest with you about his instincts. I think both of those are good things.

When you've been brought up, or you've learned through trauma, to become aggressive at the first sight of any threat, it's very hard to let go of those instinctive responses. It sounds like your H has made a conscious decision to move away from those instinctive reactions.

People have bumped into me before when they were pissed, spilling their drinks etc and they've threatened me even though they bumped into me

So I kinda understand your husband's reaction and the fact that he left the place is a good thing.

I guess this is normal for men. I mean the reaction of your husband. Good thing though he chose to leave than to fight. I guess he was really pissed off. Who would not be?

"He said If he was with his mates he would of hit him?"

Wait. He said that if he'd had back-up he would have hit the guy, but since he was alone chose not to?

Yeah I'd feel uncomfortable too. Those aren't the kind of values I would want in a partner.

ricecrispietreats I agree. I wouldn't be happy with anyone who thought he would hit someone for spilling a drink on them. How old is he 19! I also picked up on the point that he would have done if he had been with his mates. What a big man he is! I hate men like this. His only saving grace is that he didn't put you in a potentially violent situation op and you both left.