people who can't ever respond with "congratulations" or "well done" or "I'm sorry"

[magnificatAnimaMea]

Just feeling the need to vent on here.

This weekend has included some really good stuff and some really bad stuff.
It has also included the usual behaviour from family members and "friends". i know I shouldn't find it surprising when these people simply cannot acknowledge anything good that we do, or anything really bad that happens. It's been like this for decades. But still... argggggggggggh.

DH's best friend has died suddenly. Only one family member has had the grace to say "I'm sorry". Everyone else has totally ignored DH's feelings and said "well, it's hardly surprising" about the friend- or has said nothing at all. OK, so the friend hadn't looked after himself. But it was still a shock and DH is grieving.

The same family member had the grace to say "congratulations, well done, that was great" about DH and me doing a hobby thing that we love, broadcast on national radio. Everyone else has responded either with complete silence, or pitying comments about how it's so cute that the hick journalism in our shit little country is so parochial as to broadcast things of that poor quality... Incidentally what we did isn't of particularly poor quality. And the people telling us about how shit our little country is have never even been here.

Well, Magnificat, let ME tell you how sorry I am that you have to be around people who are so mean-spirited and mingy. Frankly, they seem to be lacking the most basic social graces. How hard is it to say congratulations? Or a simple "I am so sorry about your friend"? Someone dying suddenly is NOT an excuse to launch into a homily about how they didn't take care of themselves, as if death served them bloody well right.

Some UK people have a real curmudgeonly streak. It is as if they fear saying something nice or comforting will swell a person's head, and it is their duty to cut them down to size. I'm Australian, but my dad is Scottish and my mum was from Cheshire, and I spent my childhood railing at this parsimonious attitude. I eventually got the upper hand by loudly and lavishly praising people and things, something I borrowed from Anne of Green Gables!

Sounds like you and DH perform your hobby at a high level. Speaking as a journalist, the media love good hobby stories, because the readers and audiences love them. These days, such reports are not parochial; thanks to the internet people all over the world can read or hear about what you do. So well done to you and DH for gaining national media attention. I hope you continue to flourish.

Thanks Groovergirl, I like that Anne of Green Gables idea

Actually we're the other way round from you re: countries - our non-mean-spirited nice friends are all in the UK or our third, little country; our mean-spirited families and "friends" who despise us and our little adopted country are all back in the Wide Brown Land of Droughts and Floods and Rains...

I think re the hobby thing - there are always people who think that being full of criticism and venom for any performance makes them sound sophisticated and knowledgeable. Actually it just makes them look like ignorant, whingy dicks... who might possibly have a bit of jealousy going on...

Think its jealousy. I have family like yours. No matter what you do, its met with sniffs and sarcasm and sneers. I used to get upset and analyse it all to death, now I just shrug it off and avoid them as much as I can. But its hard...