What would you do

[donthew]

In a difficult situation and looking for advice. My husband is having an affair and wants to separate, but cannot afford to move out. We have 2 children and have been living where we are currently for 7 years. It would be better to stay together for our son and daughter's sake but that's not even an option. I'm at my wit's end if truth be told.

Donna

What are your options Donna?

I don't know what to do, divorce and sell the house seems the only option?

Or stay as co-habiting and see how things work out.

How do you see things working out if you stay co-habiting?

Take some legal advice. Would he would be doing to you, would be humiliating & you shouldn't have to put up with it. Also, I think your children would get a really warped view of what a male role would look like

If it is him having the affair he should move out. He should have thought about accommodation costs before he dropped his trousers.

Yes he should move out. You might need to sell the house but you'll be well rid

How awful to feel trapped.There will be a way to separation but it just feels overwhelming now.

Do you work? Could he move out, pay maintenance to help you finance the house? A solicitor will be able to help find a way.Trust that there is a way forward..Its just awful to have to live like this.

If your husband is feeling guilty he maybe more likely to agree to a better separation so my advice is to act quickly.Can you get some legal advice?

Has he got no family or friends nearby?
What about the OW?
He needs to move out to give you some head space to think about all of this.
Don't let him stay.
If he does stay then you stop doing anything for him.
He needs to feel loss. If you carry on as before he won't feel that at all.
He'll be having his cake and eating it.
Do NOT do his washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, ironing, nothing at all.
If he does have to stay then he sleeps on the couch.
But really, he must have somewhere he can go. Get him out.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's hell.
I had to live with my ExH for 6 months before he moved to another country.
It was truly awful.
I hadn't discovered MN at that time and if I had I think things would have been very different.

Do not do the 'pick me dance'. Look it up on google. Chumplady has some good stuff on there (I can't do the link as I can't access that site at work)

Hahaha Chumplady - let;s hope I don't go down that route (not actually funny). Has some friends but I think the DC need to see him. They were asking for him when he's not here and with the OW. Suggested the OW but he doesn't seem keen. If divorce is only option how long does it take to sell the house? Would that depend on other arrangements being made?

He should do the decent thing and go get himself a room, they are not expensive, what a nerve.

He's got the cheek of the devil. Bad enough if he'd had an affair, it was now over and you'd decided to separate. But he's HAVING an affair and wants to stay in the marital home as it's clearly his easiest option.

This is utterly disrespectful to you, and your children. He's made his bed so he can literally go and lie in it. I'm sure he doesn't want to play musical sofas between his family, friends and the OW. Tough luck, he should have stopped to think about that before being unfaithful to you.

In the future you'll look back and wonder how you ever let him stay after you found out about the affair.