give me a backbone please....

[Ahappynewmummy]

can someone help m get a backbone with my MIL. when she's round and I try to tell her to do certain stuff she does it for 5 mins and then goes back to how she wants to do it. my child is raised differently to how she raised my DP. like if you hold my ds for too long he wants to be held all day and then when I comes to bed he refuses to sleep so now I'm up all night with him cause she doesn't listen to me....

He's awake all night because his granny held him for too long?

Try assertiveness techniques. Polite, non judgmental, repetitious.

Thank you very much. I see why you do it like that, but I do it like this.

Yes, I understand your point if view, but mine is...

Yes, I can see where you are coming from, but my view is..

I do understand it worked with DP. But with dc my view is...

delph it's not just his nanny it's also when anyone does. so we play with him on his mat and hold him when we need to but for prolonged holds he won't sleep after it.

them I've tried some of them but they only work for a few mins. I almost snapped today so I just walked off cause she's refusing to listen.

another example; my son was hot so I just left him in his vest on his mat to kick about on she comes round out of the blue (something else I told her about i want her to phone before she's round) and says he's cold he needs more layers on. I told her about 6 times he's too hot and she went no he needs layers so I just gave in to make her happy and she wanted to know why my son was crying.

Here's the thing. If you have explicitly told her to call before she comes round, and she just pops round anyway, you don't have to let her in! Have a chat on the doorstep, then say 'got to go now - sorry it's not a good time to ask you in, but I did say to ring first. Do that next time, eh? '
It's basic courtesy not to invite yourself in to someone's house without prior agreement - either ongoing (eg parent has key because they are trusted to let themselves in and be nice) or time by time.
What does your DH say about it?

I've started to keep curtains closed to pretend im asleep.

he's told her no end of times so has fil and sil. everytime someone mentions it she stops that day then carries on the next.