Please recommend me a book...

[Bellyrub1980]

My once very happy and severe relationship (which I have previously posted about) has been under huge strain recently.

We're struggling to communicate with each other. Both feeling defensive, resentment building. I have PND (but recovering). Im pretty certain my DP has depression but is in denial.

He is being quite mean to me recently (not violent, just moody) which is completely out of character for him.

Anyway, my wise old mum has reminded me that I cannot change him or his behaviour but I can change my reaction to his behaviour.

I need to be stronger and more assertive in the relationship. I feel like in walking on eggshells a lot of the time. We're constantly getting 'crossed wires'. I have a few issues with him that I think we really need to tackle for us to continue in a relationship but want to broach the subjects in the right way. Also, I know he has some problems with me.... So I need to get this out of him too.

I know counselling would probably be the most logical solution but, in the mean time, can anyone recommend a good relationship self help book? I just need to read something that will help guide me through this phase (what I hope is a phase anyway!!) in our relationship.

Severe = secure

Walking on egg shells = abusive
Stonewalling (silent treatment) = abusive

I would suggest your first thing to do is call Womens Aid and ask to enrol on their Freedom Programme.
That will help you with confidence and assertiveness.
It will probably also highlight that your DH may well be abusive.

It he is depressed then if he won't get help, you cannot FIX him.
You are not trained or equipped to do so.

I think you need to really look after yourself right now.
Can he step away from you for a week or so. That would give you time to get your head together.

I would also recommend you read Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do that.

I would recommend A Woman In Your Own Right by Anne Dickson which will help with assertiveness and boundary setting.