I am a fussy eater and DH struggles to cope with it

[SilkObsidian]

I find the tastes/textures of many foods unbearable. If I dislike something I'd rather miss a meal than eat it. For example I avoid cheese, milk, most soups, chickpeas, coleslaw, various types of salad, raw veg, sushi, raw nuts etc. I also dislike eating anything anyone else has cooked as I'm anxious about food hygiene (I check hygiene ratings when we eat out).

DH finds it infuriating.

Should I try to train myself out of it? I don't want DS to copy me!

I'm also really squeamish about finding caterpillars/maggots in things so rarely eat fruit unless chopped into small pieces and I only eat lettuce if I wash it myself!

erm, what do you eat then?

Where does this stem from?
Do you know at all?
This does seem very OTT and I certainly don't think I could cope if my partner was like this.
Can you get some counselling for this?
I used to be very fussy as a child.
But we usually grow out of it.

You realise your attitude to food isn't "normal", which is something. Go and see your GP and ask to be referred for treatment, possibly CBT. If you do nothing you are going to pass these issues on to your son and it will ruin his life.

Yes, train yourself out of this fussiness. I'm sure I've seen somewhere that if you can force yourself to eat something 15 times then you will eventually be able to tolerate it easily.

Yep you need to train yourself out of it.

My ex was even more restrictive than you and it nearly killed me. Honestly. I hated it. Hated not being able to go out for a meal. Not being able to cook for us as a family. That he was passing it onto my step son.

Get treatment.

This can be a indication of a complex anxiety disorder. Would you say you have any other anxiety issues?
Is it fairly recent, or since childhood?

OP, have you read about Selective Eating Disorder?

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/picky-eating-an-eating-disorder-living-with-selective-eating-disorder-and-no-vegetables_b_4986010.html

Dp is really fussy, won't eat anything remotely spicy. He will only eat certain apples and grapes, peas and carrots. Not other fruit or vegetable. It drives me insane trying to meal plan to accommodate him.

Maybe try a course of cbt?

I think you need to find a way to deal with this - it sounds like an anxiety disorder of sorts which is treatable.

I would find it infuriating too TBH (sorry).

This is way beyond fussy. You have serious anxieties about food and eating.

Was there a trigger for this? Have you had any treatment?

If I was your DH I would struggle to cope as well.
I agree with people saying that you might need to seek some help with this.
As a stop gap measure in the mean time can yiu prepare your own meals and then your DH cook for himself and your DS?

Have to say, I don't eat most of that list either, the exception being cheese (although I can't eat blue, goat's, cooked or melted). There's only a few soups I'll eat. I don't have a problem with other people cooking though.

I used to eat everything when I was smaller. Then I had a general anaesthetic for a major operation and everything changed. Stuff I really liked I could no longer go near - even the smell of an egg makes me feel sick. With other things, like fruit, it's texture. I don't like Thai or Chinese food.

However, I have found that as I have aged, certain things I didn't like have turned around. I know eat some curry, some pasta. But quite honestly, if you don't like something, don't eat it. I certainly haven't found it an issue for my life.

My ex partner was a vegetarian so perhaps she was more tolerant of my and my limited diet than your partner is of yours (although I would often cook for her and I made a fabulous veggie cottage pie among other things).

I used to be the same, the only thing that cured me was getting pregnant.

The more you try with an open mind the more likely it is you will find new things you like. Do you think you almost tell yourself you don't like some of these things rather than actually not liking them? I know I had a lot of fear about food and would convince myself I hated it but looking back I should have given it more of a chance.

Fwiw I think your list is normal for a fussy eater.

It's really tricky to have these hang ups because it doesn't just effect you , it's quite an anti social thing , especially in an adult .
Do you think it's possible to train yourself out if it ?

I suspect you may need professional help to do it.
CBT is probably a good option.

Thanks for replies

Yes it stems from childhood. As a child I also refused to eat potato, any salad, most vegetables (exceptions were carrots, peas, sweet corn), rice, fried eggs, anything spicy etc. Most of these I grew out of in my late teens (actually DH introduced me to them gradually including foods i had never tried like olives, red meat and beetroot (which I now like).

Yes I have had anxiety problems in the past (GAD, which included a few years of not being able to eat in front of people, I became very underweight). These issues are resolved now though I still get anxious re food hygiene.

If I try to eat the foods listed I have a strong desire to spit them out, or feel sick, or have to chew very quickly and drink something to remove taste. Although I'm more receptive to them after a glass of wine.

I can't think of anything that triggered the fussiness. My parents used to cook me separate meals

DH usually eats what I don't want when we eat out but he gets annoyed!

I would get really annoyed with you too

because not only are you limiting your own life, you are affecting his and your kid's too

I've got sympathy for both of you.

Dh was a very fussy eater when we got together, it was easier to state what he would eat rather than wouldn't.

He's ok now, only thing he really dislikes is Chinese food. Given the choice he still likes bland food but it doesn't limit his social life the way it used to.

I think cbt might be useful, good luck.

With the list of foodstuffs I don't really see the problem. It is not as if you don't eat chicken, bread, potato, pasta, rice, carrots or peas. That leaves quite a few menu options open to you, surely?

I don't eat prawns, sushi, anchovies, cauliflower, chicory, branston pickle, goats' cheese, stilton or beer - but I don't regard myself as picky because I can easily avoid all those things and it has never caused a problem.

With the hygiene thing I suggest trying some positive affirmations. I used to over-wash my hands and it was training myself to think 'They are as clean as they can be' that really helped.

My DH is a fussy eater in that there are quite a lot of things he just doesn't like. Like your DH I have gradually introduced quite a bit into his diet and he is much better then he was. I think the difference between his fussiness and your issues is that he doesn't have any anxiety around food he doesn't eat. He can eat them if he needs to, he just doesn't really like them. He'll often give things a try if I cook them in a new way or if we eat at someone else's house and it doesn't bother him as such, it just isn't much fun.

Reading you post I think it is the anxiety you still have around food that is what could really do with being looked at. It looks like they may be hangovers from your previous anxiety that just need a bit more work.

I am now on a ridiculously restrictive diet for medical reasons so can no longer moan about DH's fussiness. I am much more of a pain :)

I'm a vegan and as a consequence have what some would say is a restrictive diet. The thought of eating meat fish and dairy fills me with dread and horror. I have been like this since a small child.
That said, I don't expect anyone else to bend to my will. I cook meat and am pretty good at it apparently. I eat out a lot and don't make a fuss about menus. I just have the veg if nothing else is suitable. I fully accept I'm in a minority. I hope I'm not considered difficult.

OP have you ever heard of Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)?

It might be worth you reading the thread in "Guest Posts" called Food refusal in children isn't anyone's fault - don't know how to do a link, sorry - it isn't just about children and there is really good advice on there.