Loaning a friend a small amount of money - need some input on this

[Lsmum]

A friend of mine told me today that she needed a small amount of money and I offered to lend it to her & said she can pay me back over the next couple of weeks. I've known her for 20 years and she's only ever borrowed very small amounts once or twice - and always paid it back.

Well - DH got wind of the fact that I was going to loan her some money (we're talking an amount that he would easily spend over a couple of days), and he carried on like a port chop - in front of ds. He said that I shouldn't be lending her anything and that it's not our problem, etc etc. Mind you, I know that recently an acquaintance of his asked him for a small loan and dh gave it to him. Dh works full-time but I've also been working two days a week and feel that SURELY I can do something like this very occasionally, provided I know I can trust the person. I'm really angry that he had a go at me about it in front of ds too. What do you think & what would you do? Need some thoughts on this.

Tell him to shut up.

if its your money and you are happy to loan it then whats the problem.

I think that your dh is being unreasonable, if he can lend a friend some money then so can you, especially if it is a small amount and you know from experience that she will repay you.

I also think that he was wrong to disagree with you about this in front of your ds.

Is he very controlling with money in general?

Is it money you'll really miss over the next few days? If not, then why is it a the problem for your DH?

Of course, your friend being short of money is not your problem but that's what friends are for - helping out when you can.

Tell DH you'd like your DS to learn to be giving and helpful rather than tight and hard nosed.

i am the voice of reason.

your dh has as much input into your joint finacial situation as you do. so a reasonable discussion should have ensued

your both wrong

you shouldnt have assumed you could
he shouldnt have lost the plot

the way forward is simple.

lend her half the money in negotiation with your dh.

i rest my case

I'd just not tell him next time.

I realise that there's probably something inherently wrong with that response but for an easy life, I'd go with it (although custardo is obviously right about it being joint money etc.).

How much are we talking here? If it was under about £50 - £100 and you are not dead skint yourselves I think he's being extra but otherwise you should probably discussed it with him, unless you have very clearly separate finances and it came out of your pot. Being argumentative in front of ds is out of order, definitely.

would prob mention the fact that he feels he is capable of making decisions to lend his mates money but doesn't feel you are - and then perhaps agree on a neutral ground where you can both lend your mates money as long as it is under £x amount (although that seems quite formal perhaps it will stop any further arguments).

missed out a have

I've got a friend who lived on benefits for several years when her child was small.
I lent her up to £100 several times - she always paid it back within the time she said she would.
I wouldn't have lent it to her if I couldn't have coped with not getting it back.
It wouldn't even occur to me that I should consult with dh about it, though I would have done if it had been a more serious amount of money - just as I would if I was going to buy something that cost more than a couple of hundred quid.

LaDiDaDi, yes he is pretty controlling with money. While in some respects he can be generous when he wants to, he is terribly rigid when it comes to things like this. He is one of those men who doesn't see why my friends have to contact me so often and I think he sees this particular friend as an intrusion into his life, as we talk quite often and she is a single mother. He's always quite condescending in the way he speaks about her. Anyway - if I remind him that I earn some of the money and therefore I can make her a small loan if I want to, would only cause him to explode & come back with all sorts of ridiculous statements like 'it's OUR money, NOT yours' etc etc.

I was so disappointed that he had to sound like such a tight-wad in front of ds, as though I was doing something wrong. So much for charity. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure he'd manage to loan money to someone without a second thought (and without consulting me of course!!) which just makes me angry.

Foxinsocks I wasn't going to tell him, he just happened to overhear something I said.

Ok, I realise that it OUR money and not just mine, but we are not skint and this is the kind of amount he wouldn't normally bat an eyelid about if one of his workmates asked him for a loan. I was just trying to be helpful to my friend but I probably shouldn't have offered.

did he ask if it was ok to lend his mate money? if he didn't then why should he expect you to ask him?

No he didn't, onlyjoking - and he wouldn't ask me either.

He has lent his two teenage sons much larger amounts of money before without saying anything to me. He says 'because they are his sons'. Well, we have been married for over 13 years and have a child together, so I would like to think that he would run it by me first.

so he thinks you should ask first before lending anything, but he doesn't have to ask, not very fair or balanced really, i would go ahead and lend to my mate.

Why do both of you have friends who ask for loans ? surely thats a bit unusual ?

Maybe you do need to toughen up a bit .

If it is a small amount then I would just give it to her as a gift. Hopefully she wouldnt ask again.

There is a saying:-
"Neither a lender or a borrower be".

I am also wondering why both of you have friends who lean on you for money because this is what they are doing. Perhaps you should think again.

We're comfortably off - I lent my friend what to me was an unimportant amount of money when she was living on benefits. I think I'd have had to be mean spirited not to.

May get jumped on for this but please think about what im saying!
Be careful who you trust, especially when it is money that's the focus! You may have known this woman for 50 years, had the closest relationship anyone could imagine with all the trust in the world - and still something can snap inside a person - especially when it's money related. From personal experience, i trust nobody except my parents when it comes to my money. People can change around it, no matter how small or large the amount in question is. Your hubby has every right to be cautious, though don't really get the whole he can lend it out and you cant thing! However if you are totally happy and you trust your friend and the arrangement between you, then by all means go for it. Just always be aware of people and money, they're the two components in life im most watchfull over! Sad but true

LWatkins, I am totally in agreement with you on this one. Dh loaned my sister £2K in the summer, verbal agreement on paying it back, looks as though it's not coming back! I am soooooooo embarrassed that she has done this to us, NEVER EVER EVER again will we loan anyone money.

I don't think you should ever lend money, even to a friend, if it's money that you can't afford not to get back. Then you can give it to them, not lend it. If you get it back, it's a bonus, if you don't the friendship hasn't been damaged.

If it's a lot and it has to be a loan, then there has to be a formal arrangement for repaying, preferably by standing order or something like that to make it as impersonal as possible. JMHO

i'm with custy

you should both discuss what you do with joint finances.

unless of course you both have an "allowance" of however much to with what you like.

i've lent money to friends once or twice on occasions when it has made a big difference to them (i'm talking £150 max) and never had a problem getting it back - or even had to ask.