Bf has major nail-cutting phobia

[Nelliethenailnipper]

I have a darling bf of 6 months but there is one drawback in our otherwise perfect relationship, his nails. He has a phobia of cutting his nails since he once did them & cut them too short and it hurt for ages. His fingernails are very long compared with most people but since meeting me he's managed to get them manicured at a nail place once. They're back up to a good 7mm again now. His toenails are 6 foot long worse, much much worse. He admits to embarrassment at the swimming pool but not enough to actually go and get them done. It's got to the point now where he's scratched my chuff by accident which hurt for days catching me all over in bed. I have all the professional nail-cutting gear as I used to cut my dm's toenails. Do you think I can offer to do it for him?

I'm so sorry, I've no advice to give but I've just laughed and laughed at your strikethrough lines.....

I'm so cruel. Sorry.

File, instead of cut?

FFS tell him to man up and then get your clippers out!

So he cut them too short once ...and that makes him scared to cut them AT ALL?
My giddy aunt , get this man sorted !

Yuck
What was his toe doing up by your vag

I think you need to send him back to the manicure place, and then give him a nail file and show him how to use it - daily. That will keep them from getting long and is much more easy to control than clipping. Some people with sensory issues prefer filing to cutting.

I don't cut my nails. Or file them. I don't know how to use nail clippers or files.

My nails have never really grown to a length that needs cutting... my toenails just seem to stay the right size for my toes, and my fingernails grow but tend to snap after a while and they've never got huge.

I hadn't even really thought about this until this thread, it's just how things have been. I have nail clippers that other people use if they need too, but I've got no idea how I'd use them.

Do not force the issue.

He has reason to be scared due to past experience. How many of us in the UK are terrified of spiders? The the pain he felt is greater than the harm that have come to UK residents from spiders yet it's a common phobia.

Maybe filing would be a good option, maybe a demo on yourself explaining how to use clippers so nails at clipped only to the height of the toe and can't go lower would be worth trying. He's used them wrong in the past, using correctly will mean this can't happen.

Oh and doing the demo on your fingers, rather than toes might be useful too since he's less phobic.

This would make my skin crawl and want to be sick

Does he have any other issues

Sounds a bit meh, and I wouldn't like it either.

Give him a Valium, a shot of hooch and a sleepmask, after 15 minutes do the deed.

I'm very 'meh' at all the posters in here who are so dismissive of his issue because it's not one they share. Whatever happened to empathy?

No he's got to the point where he's hurt you and that's not on.
It is quite awful actually he needs to get some serious help or he can't go anywhere near your vagina with his hands. It's also really unhygienic.

Meh... this is ridiculous and OP is enabling a phobia that affects HER.

Either use the valium/hooch knockout trick or LTB. No way would I be allowing anyone with those digits near me.

Empathy is ok, but not when it's enabling someone to make your life unpleasant to say the least of it.

I think the man has other issues. Has he OP?

He doesn't have any other issues, he's otherwise a sweet & lovely man. He's just got an unfortunate fixation that short nails equals pain. It's a bit sad to read some of the comments here, a phobia is very real & strong to the person feeling it.

Hypnotherapy for phobias can be successful. Would he try that?

My suggestion of Valium is not out of order. Sedation is used for dental phobia and is very successful. Same principle.

If he will not do anything about it, or cannot, would you remain with him?

I agree it's a phobia that is affecting you, and also affecting him - ultimately he could end up getting some awful fungal infection or it could even affect his gait. So rather than thinking 'how to cut his nails' think 'how to treat this phobia'. He perhaps has got distracted because there is a semi-rational reason for feeling anxious about cutting his nails - it hurt him last time. But his reactions have built up beyond the rational point.

NHS choices page on self-treatment of phobias

I think I would start by having joint baths and just fiddling with his toenails a lot while they are clean soft. Valium a good idea, or several beers. See if you can get him to agree that you can cut one nail - not the toe, maybe the third toe or something. Would he let you mark how far down you are going to go (not very) with a black marker pen, so that he can see that you will be nowhere near the toe. And yes, use something other than whatever hurt him last time.

Could he use something like this so that he can file them down instead of cutting them? I had a similar gadget for when my son was tiny as it was so hard to trim his nails without risking nipping his fingers. I'd not be letting long nails anywhere near me either.

I'm seeing him shortly, depending on both our moods I might bring it up. I'll take my nail kit with me just in case. He's always keen to please, I think he might just bite the bullet if I pick my moment carefully.