Difficult breakup

[WeveGotAHomelessLove]

We were together 3 1/2 years, we're still very much inlove but things have changed which is making it very difficult to be together.

At the minute we're living apart and it dosent look like we're gonna get through the ruff patch, im heartbroken and depressed, Dp is the same, we still talk on the phone and text sometimes but it hurts more than anything, our relationship has been far from easy but we stuck with it.

How do you deal with a breakup when you both still want to be together but lifes getting in the way? Im totally lost and confused..

Is it just practical things that are getting in the way, like jobs, distance, money, illness, or are there issues in the actual relationship ?

Illnesses on both parts, alot of disagreements about how to support eachother. What eachother needs and how the other is going to adjust to it.

Its just a mess and i feel pretty hopeless.

When you say our relationship has been far from easy was this before the illness problems etc ? Just wondering if it is/was the kind of relationship where it all worked as long as everything was ok, but when it's been tested some serious flaws have shown up.

We've had alot to deal with in the time we've been together, we've only split once before for 6 weeks, it was fairly easy untill about 6 months ago, then my MH illness started to show because of a trumatic event that took place,dp didnt quite understand what was happening and shut off from me, i moved out and we went NC for 4 weeks then started talking again but due to circumstance changes, i cant move back in and i dont know how long it will be before i can, i dont want to make dp wait incase things dont get better but i also dont want to move on.

Its all very complicated.

I feel very selfish

It does sound very hard. Could you agree to have a break from each other? Perhaps specify the amount of time, a month, 3 months, whatever. Within that you agree how/if you'll still contact/see each other, and any other areas you need to agree upon. If after that time you still feel strongly about each other your situation may have altered enough to help things along. Maybe a long term committed relationship just isn't possible for one or both of you at the moment, it happens, but I can see that it's very painful for you.

x-posted with you. You shouldn't feel selfish for doing what you need to protect your mental health. That has to be your priority, and invariably other people do find it difficult to understand and deal with. Be kind to yourself, I'm sure you're only acting in your best interests, and that's not selfish.

Thats what i wanted, i could manage to stay with dp 4 nights out of 7 but the rest i need to be at home for doctors, thearpy ect but dp just cant seem to handdle me coming back and forwards and i do understand that but im finding it very difficult to find another way to deal with things.

I left because i didnt want to put dp through anymore hurt/stress, i knew she was finding very difficult to cope with, i really never wanted to split up but i needed to get myself better so we could both have a better future.

I hate that shes hurting and i cant do anything to help her because i cant physically give her what she wants

You can't give more than you're able, and if she can't accept that there's not a lot you can do. It sounds like you've been very honest and open, and tried to compromise, but you can't be responsible for her reaction. Just look after yourself, keep the lines of communication open and see what happens.

I just wish i was strong enough to cope with it all.

Ive text her a few times but had no reply so im guessing that its over.

Hang on in there, you will cope. I know it seems unlikely now but all things pass, no emotion stays the same forever. Talk to friends and family if you can, people will understand.